


Life Goes On

by Lady_of_Winterhell



Category: The Mentalist
Genre: Alcoholism, All of the Lisbons, Attempted Sexual Assault, Child Abuse, Coming of Age, Depression, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Grief, Historical AU, Hurt/Comfort, Lisbon centric, Marriage, Period Typical Attitudes, Second Chances, Smut, Trauma, depictions of violence, mentions of abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-15 21:55:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 12
Words: 55,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29321271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_of_Winterhell/pseuds/Lady_of_Winterhell
Summary: Coming of age historical AU set in the late 1920s in Chicago, where Teresa Lisbon cares for her family...and becomes a bootlegger. If you love Teresa Lisbon AND have an open mind about ships, this story may be for you. This story is Lisbon-centric and will contain two different ships (Teresa Lisbon/Sam Bosco & Teresa Lisbon/Patrick Jane). However, it is NOT Jisbon-centric and Patrick Jane does not appear until later in the story. Tags will be updated as chapters are uploaded. Rating for language and eventual smut. Read the notes for more information.
Relationships: Patrick Jane & Teresa Lisbon, Patrick Jane/Teresa Lisbon, Sam Bosco & Teresa Lisbon, Teresa Lisbon/Sam Bosco
Comments: 51
Kudos: 11





	1. Bootlegging

**Author's Note:**

> This is a new story that sat in my brain, so I had to write it. This story came from an idea about Lisbon being a bootlegger, but it turned into something different: an exploration of a Teresa Lisbon living in 1920s Chicago and coming of age. Elements of the show are here, but you may recognize them a bit differently. For a large portion of the story, the main characters are Lisbon, Bosco, and the Lisbon siblings. For Lisbon, her characterization comes from throughout the show--but she's a 20 year old, first generation American living in 1920s Chicago. For Bosco, I drew mainly from Red Badge (2x03) and Black Gold and Red Blood (2x06). 
> 
> As I said in the summary, this is not Jisbon centric and the tags will be updated as appropriate when chapters are updated. This story is actually completed, so I intend to drop a chapter every day or so until it's done! And shout out to nitro9, lqior_astra, and leafenclaw--all who heard me talk about this story in some stage of its development. Their encouragement is what got this somewhat different project done!

August 1926

Tousling flour out of her hair, she opened the door to their little yellow house on the south side of Chicago. She just got back from her 12 hour shift at the Minnelli’s Bakery. To have enough bread and cakes for the day, they started at 8pm. She worked six nights a week, every night except tonight because the bakery was closed on Sundays. The hours were long, but at least she could be home in time to see her brothers off to school and tend their home during the day.

“Tommy? Jimmy? Stan?” The house was utterly quiet…and utterly a mess already. Her brothers were always running off somewhere. It was Saturday, so they were probably off playing ball somewhere. She just hoped the little hooligans were home in time to get ready for evening mass. Otherwise, she would have to track them down. 

Taking off her sweater, she flexed her hands out. Mr. Minnelli was a good boss, who gave them decent breaks, but the work of a baker made her hands hurt. She tried talking Tommy into looking for work to help out, but he said school was more important. He played football at school, and he had friends who would miss him. She couldn’t say she had the same experience. She stopped going when their mom died giving birth to Jimmy nearly seven years ago. Someone had to take care of the baby, run the household, and later, make some money that didn’t go directly into a bottle of whiskey. 

Since it was Saturday, she assumed her papa was over at Sam’s getting trashed. He usually got up and got started drinking early on Saturdays so he was home in time to pass out before mass.

She washed up and cleaned the house up a bit, suddenly glad she made a large stew yesterday making her job easy tonight. After sleeping for a few hours, she put her light sweater on and went outside to sit on the porch. Late summer was turning into early autumn, so the crisp air blowing into the city made for perfect reading weather. 

She loved the fresh air. In fact, it brought to mind similar days from a lifetime ago when her mama would find her outside and tease her. “Oi. The first of us born in America, with the whole world out there, and all you do is keep your head in those books! They tell you that your kids will be different, but you don’t know just how.” She laughed as she handed her a mug of tea, ruffled her hair, and walked back inside, the dark brown curls they both shared bouncing over her shoulder. Really, she just loved the promise of a new story about the most exotic adventures in the most exotic places in the open air, wishing she could be there—or anywhere but here really.

Today, the early autumn breeze brought her papa, Tom Lisbon, stumbling up the sidewalk. She didn’t see him until it was too late. Otherwise, she would’ve gone inside and hid away in her room. When he was already piss drunk like this, he was no joy to be around and could be dangerous. As his palm connected with her cheek, knocking her book out of her hand, she realized today was the latter.

“You lazy little girl, what are you sitting outside for? Aren’t you meant to be at work?”

“No, papa. Work ended earlier. I was just reading a bit before mass. Do you want some tea? Or something to eat?”

“I want to know why my no good daughter is just lying about the house. No man wants a woman who lays out reading books, instead of taking care of the home. What’s for supper?”

“I made stew last night, papa.”

“And what good will that do tonight? I swear you’re worthless! As soon as I find a man willing to take you, I’m making you someone else’s problem. I don’t know what man will want a lazy little girl, but I guess you smile pretty enough.”

As he walked past her, the smell of sour whiskey made her turn her nose up. She knew it was the drink talking—but that didn’t make it hurt any less. When he was sober, he didn’t talk to her this way. It’s just that he spent more time stumbling around, lost in a drunken haze these days. She worried sometimes that he might not make it home, and when he came home like this, she preferred to be alone with him. She didn’t want the boys to see him drunk like this. Besides, she could take his cruelty, but the boys might take it as a lesson in how they should also act.

She reached around and picked up her book, deciding to stay outside a little longer. His words wouldn’t change if she went inside. In fact, he would just find something else to mock her about. It was better if she waited until he was asleep. 

Not much later, she heard the sound of a tin Lizzie stopping in front of their house. She knew what that sound meant.

She waited for the sharply dressed man to approach. “Mr. Bosco! How are you today?”

He took his hat off and held it in his hand, revealing his balding head. She could tell he took the hat off out of politeness, as he almost immediately put the other hand up to cover his head in shame. “It’s Sam, please. I’m doing just fine and better now that I’ve seen you, Teresa. You grow a little more beautiful each week. How are you doing?”

“Just fine. If you’ll wait here, I will be right back.”

He nodded as she ran into the house. As she suspected, her father was passed out in his bed. She ran to her bedroom and stepped into the closet, closing the door behind her. Scooping down and using her hand to search for the little hole in the wall, she pulled out her weekly earnings. She wanted to get a bank account and maybe try to save some money, but the bank told her that her father would need to get the account for her. That was even more dangerous than hiding it at home because he would have unlimited access to it, so she just hid the money in different places.

As she returned to the porch, she straightened her clothes, ready to conduct this business transaction as she took a seat not far from Mr. Bosco. When he came to collect, he often sat down and talked to her for a bit about different things like the weather,the book she was reading, or how the Cubbies were playing for a bit. Sometimes, he told jokes that made her laugh. He liked talking, and he was always respectful, hearing out her opinions and giving them equal weight to his own. And besides, she didn’t have anyone else to talk to.

She knew she should feel shame for having to do this in the first place, but she always carried herself as a Lisbon, with decorum and pride. “How much does he owe this week, Mr. Bosco?”

“Forty dollars.”

“Forty?!”

His head bobbed as he tilted it to the side. “I actually knocked a bit off.”

“I don’t have...I can’t pay that much. I’ve got to buy food for the boys, and Jimmy needs a new coat before the weather turns. Did he not pay anything?”

“No, he didn’t. I don’t think he’s been working at the mill. He’s been over at the bar all day every day this week. That’s how he ran up such a large tab.”

Her heart started to race once the panic set in. Did he lose his job? She couldn’t pay for his drinking and maintain their family on her wages! They’d surely end up on the streets as beggars.

She held out the money in her shaky hand. “I can pay $20 right now. I’ll find a way to get you the rest.” 

He exhaled sharply. He was always fair...when debts were settled on time. “What are you doing tonight?”

“Pardon me?”

“What are you doing tonight after mass?”

“Nothing. It’s my night off at the bakery.” She never did anything at night except work. In fact, she never really did anything at all.

“How much are they paying you?”

“I make $35 a week.”

He scoffed. “You work every night and you make $35 a week? And that’s fine for you?”

She shrugged her shoulders. “The factories don’t pay a lot better for girls, and the hours are terrible. Mr. Minnelli is a good boss. He’s fair. I’m sure he would pay better if he could. Besides, it’s not like I have other choices.”

He narrowed his eyes at that. He really had something against Minnelli’s Bakery. She remembered when he found out where she was working. “I can’t believe you’re working for Italians! He might seem like a nice fellow, but I can’t even stomach the idea of you going to that neighborhood every night. A pretty Irish girl, especially one of your age, shouldn’t be in that element.”

She politely heard his concerns...and promptly shrugged them off as soon as he left. He never minded where the money came from when it was time to settle papa’s weekly debts. Really, it was the best paying job she could find and still have time for the boys. On top of it, Mr. Minnelli was kind. Otherwise, she would be in a sweltering factory with no ventilation all day long with people screaming at her to work faster.

“You do now. Come work for me. I will pay you $100 a week and you will only work a few nights a week.”

“You want me to work for you? Doing what? I don’t know anything about working at a bar.”

“It’s not hard work. You will figure it out! You deserve to be paid for your work.” 

“But what will I be doing?”

“Just different things that I need you to do.” For some reason, it made her nervous that he wouldn’t answer. His business was illegal, but everyone in the neighborhood knew that the right connections and enough money to the cops meant that didn’t matter. “It would be nice to have some help around the bar.”

“Can I think about it?”

He smiled kindly. “What’s there to think about, sweetheart? You’re a smart girl. $100 is a lot more than $35. And you’ll be in the neighborhood. Plus, you can knock off some of the old man’s debts.”

“How many nights a week?”

“Four, maybe five. Why don’t you just come by tonight and see if you like the work? I’ll tell you what: if you come by tonight, I’ll forgive the other $20 he owes for this week. Just think about it. I hope to see you before 9.”

He sat talking about baseball for a little longer before excusing himself. The offer was very good, but she would prefer to know what he wanted her to do. Working in a bar could be dangerous and it could hurt her reputation. If she had a reputation that came with a girl of marrying age being at a bar all night, her prospects would be even worse than the neighborhood boys just ignoring her now. The boys would be grown soon, and she didn’t want to live with papa forever. 

All through mass, she thought of his offer. The bakery was good, honest work, even if it didn’t pay much. But with the kind of money Mr. Bosco offered, they could get ahead especially if her papa wasn’t working. She would have to make sure the house payments were covered so the bank wouldn’t take it. It wouldn’t hurt to check out the job.

“T, where are you going?” Even though she’d told him his bedtime story and watched him fall asleep, six year old Jimmy was already out of the bed she usually shared with him. Though the boys had a room they shared, he usually slept in her room just like he had since he was an infant. After a day out playing ball with Tommy and Stan, he should be tired.

“I’m going out to work.”

“But you don’t work on Saturdays.”

“I do this week, Jimmy. Tommy!”

“He’s gone!” Stan shouted from the room the boys shared. 

“Gone?” She had no idea where he could be off to this time of night, and part of her did not want to know.

As the seven year old boy who shared her and her mother’s look gazed up at her, she placed her hand on the back of his head. She guided him back toward their room and put him in bed. “You stay here and get some sleep.” 

“But it’s our night.”

“I know, but I have to go make some money for your new coat.”

He sighed as she kissed his little forehead before she went to the boys’ room. “Stan, can you make sure Jimmy stays in bed and doesn’t bother papa? I have work.”

“Tonight?”

“Yes, tonight. Please watch Jimmy until he’s asleep. If papa wakes up, don’t bother him. He works hard for our family, and we have to show him respect.”

Her twelve year old brother shrugged. “I know, T. I won’t bother him. Will you bring home some sweet bread?”

She smiled. “I’m not working at the bakery tonight, but I will see what I can find.” With that, she left their little yellow house.

xxxxxxxxxx

When she arrived at his house, the largest one in their neighborhood, she went around back. A man dressed in a nice three piece suit like the one Mr. Bosco wore earlier let her in.

“Pardon me. Where’s Mr. Bosco?”

“Are you Miss Lisbon?”

“Yes.”

“He said to have you sent up to the front of the house.” She started to go back out of the door, but another young guy stopped her and took her through some passage way up to the front of the house.

“Teresa! I’m glad you decided to join me tonight.”

She shrugged a bit. “It’s good money, Mr. Bosco. What would you like me to do?”

“Well, first, I’d like you to go get changed into one of these dresses.” He pointed to the sofa where a few dresses were laid out. “And then we are going for a ride.”

“A ride?”

“We gotta go pick up a shipment.”

“A shipment? At the docks? In a dress like that? I’d be better off wearing this simple thing.” She couldn’t imagine what kind of work would require such a fancy, risqué dress, especially picking up a shipment.

He chuckled. “Not that kind of shipment, sweetheart. The kind of shipment that keeps the bar in business. Now, go get changed so we can get on the road.”

She was stunned for a moment. He wanted her to be a bootlegger! That was incredibly illegal, and if they got caught she could go to prison. Who would take care of the boys? She stood there silently thinking about whether she should just forget all about this business and go home for a night’s rest. Minnelli’s was a great job, and she wouldn’t be at risk of going to prison. But would Mr. Bosco be angry if she wanted to just forget about this? She felt trapped as her eyes started to water. 

“Teresa, is there a problem?”

“That’s breaking the law. I--maybe I should just go. Thank you for your kind offer, but…”

She turned to leave, but he grabbed her arm and pulled her closer to him. “I sensed this might be a problem earlier, but I want you to know that everything is fine. You have nothing to worry about. The reason I want you to go with me is so the cops will just see a nice looking couple out on an evening stroll. Most of the cops are greased anyway. The ones I haven’t greased yet can still be bought. You’re not in any danger. I promise. I’ll protect you, and you’ll find that I’m a very generous man. Besides, it will be nice to have a little company for the drive.”

Well, he did offer her $100 a week and to forgive the $20 they still owed for this week. She nodded her head and went to pick out one of the dresses. The gold one looked nice, but she had never worn a dress that fit like this before. With the arms cut out and her legs showing, she felt exposed. Her papa would kill her if he saw her dressed this way, but she also felt like a proper woman from the magazines that came from New York. 

When she came out of the changing room, he was holding a little bundle in his hand. He smiled when he saw her, and he was quiet for a moment.

“Does the dress look okay? I hope I don’t look indecent. I can try a different one on.”

“No, you look absolutely beautiful. This is for you to fix your hair up with.” 

“What is it?”

He unwrapped the package in his hand. “It’s a hair comb. I’ve been meaning to give it to you. It was my mother’s. Every time I see your eyes, I think about how gorgeous it would look in your hair.”

The silver comb with some green beading was beautiful, but it was much too nice for a gift. “Oh, Mr. Bosco, thank you, but I couldn’t accept such a personal gift.”

“Teresa, call me Sam. Please.”

“Sam, thank you for the thought. It’s a lovely hair comb, but I can’t take it.”

Without warning, he reached over and cradled her head with his left hand as he placed the comb into her hair with his right. He placed his hands on her shoulders and turned her towards a mirror on the wall. He leaned down a bit to whisper in her ear. “See, absolutely gorgeous. I don’t mind giving you nice things, Teresa. You deserve it. Let’s get going.” 

His words felt odd, until she remembered the guys in the back. They were wearing really nice suits and shoes. Mr. Bosco just wanted his employees to look nice to put on a good show for the business, and she shouldn’t feel strange about that! 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

They were out driving in the middle of nowhere--well, nowhere she’d ever been--for what seemed like an eternity. She remained quiet, as he whistled tunes. She wasn’t sure if he wanted her to talk or not. He just needed her there to put on a show in case cops stopped them.

“Have you ever been out of the city?”

“No, I haven’t.” She always wanted to see what the place outside of the city looked like.

“This is beautiful, open country. It’s gorgeous in the summer when it’s green for as far as the eye can see.” From the trees, she could tell it would be beautiful. She wondered if the leaves were already giving over to their autumn colors. Would they look the same as the autumn leaves in the city?

“Are we near the lake?”

“Not far from it.”

“I’ve always wanted to see it from another side.”

He laughed. “The further from the city you get, the more beautiful it gets too. The city makes everything muddy.”

“Well, I hope I get to see it some time in the daylight!”

He paused for a brief moment. “You will.”

Once they were about four hours or so outside of the city, another car flickered a lantern at them three times. Mr. Bosco stopped the car. 

“Ok, I’m going to get the shipment situated.”

“What do you need me to do?”

“I just need you to get out so we can load up, but I’ll let you know when we are ready for that. The boys will help me load it in here. We’ll stack some cases under your feet.”

He got out of the car and started removing parts. She had never seen anything like it! She thought maybe they’d get a box or two of whiskey bottles, but there was all kinds of beer and other liquor too that was packed into every inch of the car before he replaced the paneling and other parts. They even removed the floorboards to put some liquor under the car and stacked cases of beer under her feet. Every inch that could be covered was.

He shook hands with the man who delivered the goods from Canada and got back in the car. “Now, I need you to just watch out for cops for me. If you see anything suspicious, just let me know. We’re carrying a lot of weight, so it’s going to be a little slower getting back.” 

She nodded and he started their drive back to the bar. “I never realized you could put so much in here!”

“Oh yes. I modified her so we could carry as much as we can to Chicago. I distribute to some of the other guys in the neighborhood. That’s why we do three runs some weeks, not just two. These small automobiles are less suspicious than large trucks.”

“Huh. Well, you said it slows us down. What happens if you need to get away in a hurry?”

“Like I said, we don’t attract a lot of attention. I just give the cops a bit of change.” He shrugged like it was the most obvious answer. “Though, I suppose part of being a good driver is knowing how to maneuver and take shortcuts when necessary.”

“Well, do you know how to maneuver and take shortcuts?”

He laughed a deep laugh from his belly. “I certainly do.”

“Will you teach me?”

“Do you want to learn?”

She couldn’t read his face to tell whether he meant that question in jest. From her experience, men didn’t like giving up their knowledge. “I do.”

“Can you even drive?”

Even in this darkness, she averted her eyes in shame. “My papa says it’s not proper for ladies to drive.”

“But you want to learn?”

“Yes. It’s always nice to have skills, you know?”

He chuckled. “Then, I’ll teach you. I’m happy to teach you anything you want to learn.”

“But you won’t tell my papa, right? About driving or working for you?” He would beat her half to death if he knew she was working for Mr. Bosco at the bar.

“Why don’t you want him to know you work for me?”

“Because he will be mad about me spending time in a bar around men. It’s not proper.”

“Well, you won’t be spending time in a bar around men. You will be spending time around me.”

She giggled a bit and she wasn’t really sure why. “I don’t think he would see that as proper either, Mr. Bosco.”

“It’s Sam. The man spends the entire day at the bar and sends you off to work instead. He doesn’t see anything improper about that. You’ll be fine.” He laughed. 

Her face straightened a bit at the mention of her father’s drinking. “Mr. Bosco—Sam—please don’t speak about my papa like that.” 

Yes, he was a drunk, and he wasn’t always kind to her. But she was a Lisbon, and he was still her papa. 

Sam put his hand on her shoulder and squeezed it for a brief moment. “You’re right. I’m sorry about that, Teresa. I didn’t mean anything other than to say I hope you don’t feel shame coming around. I run a respectable business, and you’re perfectly safe. I wouldn’t stand for anyone bringing harm, or disrespect, to you.”

They spent the rest of the drive in silence. About six hours later, they arrived back at his house. She started to help the guys unload the car, but he stopped her. “Ah! You don’t have to do that. Let the boys take care of it. Some of the other owners are coming to get their supply. Why don’t you come have a drink with me and celebrate your first haul?”

“Sure.”

It was after 6am, so the bar was cleared out. He led her to the bar top. “Have a seat! What can I get for the lady?”

She smiled. “Just water please.”

He raised his eyebrows. “Water?”

“I’ve never had the taste for the drink.”

“In that case, I know exactly what we should get the lady for her first drink.”

“Water is fine.”

He scoffed as he placed a glass of brown liquid in front of her. From the smell of it, it was what her papa drank until he came home angry, ready to blame her for everything, and beat her. “You work at a bar. You should know what the product tastes like. Now, the thing is you have to sip it. You don’t drink it like water. See?”

He picked the glass up and demonstrated. She stared at the glass as he sat it down and back at him. It made her stomach hurt to even look at it. She saw how the drink made people act, and she didn’t want any part of that. 

“I think maybe I should just have water.”

He smiled at her before placing his palm to her cheek and caressing it ever so slightly. The softness of that touch felt much different than when her papa had hit her in that same spot earlier. “We might have to start calling you Saint Teresa. I’ll get your water for you.”

He placed a glass of water in front of her, as well as some bread, before he sat down next to her. “See, our first night wasn’t so bad was it?”

“No. Is that what I’m supposed to do every night I work?”

“Well, we go out for shipments twice a week. Sometimes, we go three times a week. It just depends how the supply line is going. Other nights, I’ll just have you doing whatever comes up here.”

She nodded. It was easy work for the pay, but it carried some risk. She could handle this--or at least she thought she could.

“That sounds fair. I should go change and get home.”

“Mmm.” He stopped her. “The dresses are yours.”

“Right. My work uniform.”

“No, sweetheart, they’re yours to keep. I bought them for you.”

“For me?”

“Yeah, so you would have something nice to wear.” Just like she thought! He provided clothes for the guys too! 

“Oh ok.” If her papa saw one of those dresses at home, he’d kill her.

“But if you want to leave them here and change when you get here, that’s ok.”

“I think that’s probably for the best.”

“Ok. Go get changed. I’ll take you home.”

“I can walk. It’s just a few blocks!”

“Not up for discussion. I’ll see you back here when you’re ready to go.”

She nodded and left to change. She hoped no one saw Sam dropping her at home at this time of morning. They might get the wrong idea.


	2. Fight Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to mention this in the first round of notes, but this story has period typical language & heteronormative/patriarchal attitudes. Thanks for reading and reviewing!

September 1926

“Teresa, you have to keep your foot steady so you don’t make the car jerk. Just stay calm.” As he promised, Sam started teaching her to drive. 

During their first driving lesson, he taught her about the pedals and shifting gears. That part was easy. This keeping it steady business seemed much more a challenge. 

“Ok, I can do this.” 

“I know you can!” He squeezed the hand he still held over hers to make sure she shifted properly. 

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before trying again. Without thinking, she started driving. She even managed to shift before Sam beat her to it.

“There you go, Teresa. Good! I’m going to let go. You ready for that?”

She swallowed thickly. “I think so.” He lifted his hand off of hers, placing it on her back. And she still shifted and kept the car steady! 

Sam laughed as he rubbed her back. “Good job, Teresa! You’re a quick study!”

She smiled. “Thank you!” Sam was always patient and reassuring. It helped a lot. Any time her papa tried to teach her something, if she didn’t pick it up immediately, she was no good. It was nice to hear someone tell her she did something well.

The next night, he stopped her before getting in the car. “Why dont you drive starting out?”

Once they were in the car, she felt her nerves set in. He moved a little closer to the middle of the seat just like in their practices. She looked at him. “Are you sure about this?”

“Sweetheart, you’re doing very well in your practice. The only way you get better is more practice. You can do this, and besides, I’m here for you.”

She nodded, starting the car and driving off. He kept his hand over hers on the gear shift, occasionally helping her out. Otherwise, she drove the four hours out to the rendezvous point by herself! When they arrived, he congratulated her for making her first run. 

Working for Sam was smooth so far. She would change for work as soon as she arrived each day. Like he told her, they went out twice a week for shipments. The other two nights a week she spent at the bar doing whatever needed done. Though, usually the boys handled everything. Whenever they didn’t have a shipment, Sam usually had her sit with him in case she needed to be sent on an errand, but he never needed her to do anything. He even told her that she could bring a book if she wanted. He would pay her all the same.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Fight night. Everyone stayed as quiet as they could so they could all listen on the radio. Sam was sitting right next to the radio. When he saw her standing near the bar with her lemon water (her favorite indulgence), he shook the shoulders of the young man next to him and tilted his head for him to get up. He motioned for her to come sit next to him.

She whispered to Sam. “Who do you think will win?”

Before he could answer, Luther Wainwright, a guy she went to school with, answered. “Dempsey obviously. He wins every title he defends! Who invited a girl to the fight?”

He nudged her shoulder and she smiled because he was teasing her, just like their school days. Her mama had told her once that sometimes it meant a boy likes you, but he never did come around to ask about her after she left school. She was going to answer, but Sam cut in with a look of anger in his eyes. “Better question is who invited you here? You either apologize to Miss Lisbon and watch your tone, or you can settle up and leave right now, Wainwright.”

He rolled his eyes. “Teresa, I didn’t mean anything bad.”

“It’s ok. I know you didn’t.”

“It’s Miss Lisbon to you, and I didn’t hear you apologize to her. You show her respect or you can get out now.”

She looked at Sam in confusion. He looked at Luther with anger in his eyes. She had never seen him like that before. She didn’t understand why he was giving Luther such a hard time; he was just kidding around.

“I’m sorry, Miss Lisbon.”

“Good. You can get out of my sight now.”

Luther gave her a questioning look before turning and walking away. She once again turned her gaze to Sam.

“I’ve got money on Dempsey. He’s a seasoned fighter with a good record. He’s carried the title for years.” He just answered her question like all of that with Luther hadn’t just taken place. “Do you know much about fighting?”

“Yes, the boys like it, so we follow it quite a bit. I’m sorry, but what was all of that about? He didn’t do anything wrong. Please don’t kick Luther out on my account.”

“It wouldn’t be on your account. No one gets to talk to you like that. Who do you favor?”

She blinked a few times. She’d seen customers cussing and spitting at the guys, and he never said anything. She wondered why he was so in an uproar over Luther, but the look on his face told her he was done talking about it. “Tunney. He’s a dark horse of sorts because he’s got a good record and Dempsey is becoming old news.”

He smirked. “That’s a brave choice. You didn’t put money down on that, did you?”

“No. I don’t make bets.” Well, not only was gambling a questionable moral choice and maybe illegal, but she never had money to just lose over a sports hunch.

He chuckled as he reached into his pocket. “Tonight you will.” He motioned to the man next to him. “Mark, put Miss Lisbon down for Tunney. Here is $10.”

“Really?”

“Mr. Bosco…”

“Oh come on! We’re not doing that again! It’s Sam! Put her down for Tunney. A little money in the game is the proper way to enjoy a fight.” She was a little taken aback to protest. He’d just yelled at Luther for being improper, and he called her Miss Lisbon. Yet, here they were, surrounded by so many people and he wanted her to address him improperly!

They listened intently as the fight progressed. By the end of the night, she was $200 richer when Tunney KO’d Dempsey. Of course, most of the men were very upset as they’d lost money, so they continued to drink.

“It’s going to get rowdy in here. Let’s go to the front of the house.” She nodded and followed him out.

As she sat down on the red sofa in his parlor, he placed a record in the victrola before sitting next to her and loosening his neck tie. “Did you have fun winning your money?”

She shrugged. “I didn’t do anything! And really, it’s your money!” 

She tried to hand him the earnings, but he held her hand instead. “No. It’s your money. I made the bet in your name. I guess next time, I should ask you before placing any bet at all!”

She smiled. “I reckon I can drop a larger payment on the house this week. It’s not like the bank will let me start an account.”

“I wouldn’t be so worried about that. Never trust the banks! Why let someone else hold your money? It’s gotta be a scam.” He grinned at her and she smiled back at him. “You’re paying for the house?”

She closed her eyes. She wished she hadn’t said anything. “I’m sorry. I spoke out of turn about family matters.”

“That’s ok. Anything you tell me stays here between us like always. Tom still owes on the house?”

“Yes, but with my wages…”

“You don’t have to lie to me. I know you’re pulling all of the expenses and running the entire household.”

She just looked away. She refused to say a bad word about her papa. He placed his hand on her cheek and turned her face toward him. His voice was barely above a whisper when he spoke. “You’re so brave, sweetheart. I know you have pride and you take on so much responsibility for a young woman. I want you to take care of yourself. I—“

Wayne came running into the parlor. “Mr. Bosco, we have a situation out back.”

He exhaled sharply. “It better be something you couldn’t handle on your own.”

The tall man with the dark hair swallowed thickly. “It is, sir. We need the police to clear us out before there’s too much damage.”

“Shit. Well, I’ll be out there. Send Mike to Tom McAllister’s. We want his boys here.”

She spoke out. “Boss, I can go if you need to send someone.”

He looked stricken as he turned back to her. “Teresa, you stay right here. I don’t want you outside alone. Everything will be fine. Just some rowdy bastards thinking they’re going to have their own version of Dempsey vs. Tunney tonight.”

“I have three brothers. I can help.”

He raised his voice slightly. “You can help by staying right here, so I don’t have to worry about you being in danger. End of discussion.”

He was a fair and kind boss, but he was hard to read sometimes. He never wanted her to do anything. It was almost like she earned wages just for sitting around and looking pretty or something. She could help get people outside or go get the cops. She may be the only girl there, but she wasn’t totally worthless! However, he used that voice he had when he didn’t want to hear anything else on a subject. Instead of saying anything else, she sat there with her book as they went to break up the fights.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Historical point: The fight refers to the September 1926 boxing title fight between Jack Dempsey and Gene Tunney. It was the first title match Dempsey lost defending.


	3. Provider

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Added the same day as chapter 2, so make sure you read that one first! As always, thanks for reading and reviewing!

December 1926

As the months went on, her earlier caution against bootlegging gave way to the thrill of driving out across the state line to pick up shipments. Sam told her as they got deeper into winter, they might even drive out on the lake. Though, Sam never gave her anything to do when they weren’t on a run, and idle hands made her nervous. Sometimes, she worried that he might cut her if she didn’t find something to earn her keep—but every night, he either simply tapped the seat next to him or let her drive them out to their pick up point. 

One night, she brought supplies and made a stew for all of the boys working out back. When Sam saw her in the kitchen, he leaned on the door frame, watching her with a look of joy etched on his face. “And what's going on in here?”

She had just prepared a loaf of bread cooking in the oven now, which left her a little dusty. She was sure to do this before changing for the evening. Of course, he was smiling at her. She probably looked ridiculous.

“Well, since we didn’t have a run tonight, I thought I’d make supper for everyone.”

“Everyone? Who’s everyone?”

“The boys are going to work all night on an empty stomach. In this weather, I thought some food to keep them warm would be nice.”

His smile faded a little bit. “I think so, too. It smells delicious.”

Before she took the food out back, Sam insisted that they eat first. 

“Let’s eat here.” He handed her bowls before sitting down at the head of the table.

“We could just eat in the bar with the guys. I made plenty for everyone!”

“Or we could just eat here like I want.” He touched her cheek. “I’d like to share this meal you just made with you.”

She shrugged and started portioning stew into their bowls. She placed his bowl and a chunk of bread in front of him. “Is there something else I can get you before I sit down?”

“No. Just get your food.”

He waited for her to sit before taking his first bite. “Mmm! This is delicious, sweetheart.”

“I’m glad you like it.” He cleared his bowl before she was half way through with hers. “Would you like some more?”

“Yes, please.” She nodded before getting up to get him seconds. “Do you like to cook, Teresa?”

She felt herself blush a bit as she returned to the table. “I do like to cook when it’s not rushed. I don’t like the pressure of hungry people waiting to eat.” Or her papa screaming that his lazy daughter was starving them all.

“Hmm. Well, you’re a very good cook.”

She smiled. “This wasn’t that tough to make! If you’d like, I can start making a meal on the nights we don’t have a run.”

He nodded. “I’d like that very much. Now, I wouldn’t have you cooking for all of the boys, but I wouldn’t mind sharing a meal with you.”

He didn’t seem pleased that she made dinner for the boys. “Oh. I thought with the weather turning that it would be a nice gesture. I hope I didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Oh no, sweetheart! I think it’s very nice that you’re looking out for them. You have a very kind heart. I just wouldn’t have you cooking so much each night. Just keep it small for us. We can eat before we go out back.”

She nodded in agreement. For some reason, he acted strange about the boys and how they were around her sometimes. Over the last few months, she got to know the two who worked the door: Wayne and Kimball. Wayne was funny, and sometimes, he talked about his sweetheart Grace. Kimball was much more quiet, but he would open up a bit occasionally. They reminded her a lot of her brothers, especially when they found a topic to bicker over. The others weren’t so friendly to her, and she thought it could be that they resented her for not pulling her weight. They seemed to joke and play around a lot, but whenever she was around they wanted nothing to do with her. If this is how she made guys react to her, she shuddered to think what would happen when she got serious about finding a suitor. Was there something wrong with her?

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

A few weeks went by. When they didn’t have a run, she started taking supper with Sam before they went to the bar. He complimented everything she made and always asked for seconds. When Sam was busy, she continued to talk to Wayne and Kimball, who both started to act like the other guys around her. They were polite, but they were much more curt in how they spoke to her.

“Hey guys.”

“Hi, Miss Lisbon.”

“Why does everyone insist on calling me that? It’s just Teresa! We’re the same age!”

Kimball shrugged. “Mr. Bosco insists that we do.”

Wayne looked nervous. “He’s also not really big on us talking to you.”

She scoffed. “What? That’s ridiculous! We all work here just the same. Is that why the other guys don’t talk to me much?”

Kimball’s eyebrows shot up. “You work here?”

“Yes. Why else do you think I show up here four times a week and get my wages?”

Kimball wore a surprised look as he turned to Wayne, who spoke. “Look, Miss Lisbon, maybe you should go back inside and wait for Mr. Bosco to get done with whatever he’s working on.”

Wayne tried to direct her back inside, but she put her hand up to stop him. “Wait. You guys don’t think I work here?”

Wayne and Kimball looked at each other uncomfortably. Kimball answered. “Not until you said that you did.”

Wayne elbowed him. “Stay out of it. Please, Miss Lisbon, will you go inside and wait for Mr. Bosco?”

“Ok, why are you acting so strange? If you don’t want to talk to me, just say that. I show up for work and put on my uniform the same as you!”

“Your uniform?” Catching a glare from Wayne, Kimball continued anyway. “What? This isn’t weird to you?”

“It’s not our business. I can’t lose this job.”

She furrowed her brows. “Guys, what’s going on?”

“Why do you think we have a uniform?”

“Well, Mr. Bosco bought you those suits. I know I change here, but it’s because my papa doesn’t know I work here. He’d probably kill me if he ever saw me dressed this way. Mr. Bosco provided these to me for appearances, just like you guys.”

Wayne’s eyes were wide as Kimball exhaled sharply. Wayne rubbed his forehead before he spoke. “Miss Lisbon, these aren’t uniforms. We bought these suits. Mr. Bosco required them before we could begin work. Maybe you should just go back inside.”

“Seriously, guys. What’s going on?”

Wayne turned away, rubbing the back of his head and shaking his head at Kimball. 

“Have you ever been courted?” 

“No, but what does that have to do with anything?”

Kimball nodded his head. “Everything. Mr. Bosco is courting you.”

She laughed from her belly, making her double over. “No, he’s not! Seriously, I work here.”

Kimball furrowed his eyebrows. “You think you work here, but what do you actually do here?”

Her grin faded as she absorbed his words. She didn’t actually do much of anything besides going on runs, and even then, she just drove part of the way out sometimes. She started to think about everything as her stomach dropped. Mr. Bosco had told her it would be nice to have her company and insisted she call him by his first name. No one else called him by his first name.

“You guys think he’s courting me? I...I never consented to courting! He never asked to court me! I don’t know where you get your information from, but…”

“You wanted to know why we are so proper around you. Boss has expectations about how his lady is treated. He doesn’t like when men are lingering around you.” Oh God. Fight night. He’d been so angry with Luther for joking around and not calling her Miss Lisbon. He took it as a flirtation. It’s why the other guys felt uncomfortable around her. He told them that he was courting her! 

She couldn’t even look at Wayne and Kimball as she turned on her heel. What they must think of her! How could she be so foolish? He was paying her $100 a week and buying her gifts for her company—and women who did that work had a title too. She felt a tear fall as she realized that if she was so foolish that she let a man treat her like a whore that maybe her papa was right about her.

She heard him call out for her, but she didn’t stop. She went all the way to the front house to get changed into her regular clothes.

“Teresa! Is something wrong?” He was outside of the changing room. 

“I’m going home!” She sniffled trying to hold her tears back.

“Did something happen at home? Are your brothers ok?”

“I don’t know. I quit!”

“You quit? Teresa, what’s wrong? Will you come out and talk to me please?”

“I’d rather not.”

“Sweetheart, please. I want to know what has you so upset.”

He called her “sweetheart.” He called her that a lot, just like he touched her often. She didn’t think anything of it, but maybe she should have known by how often he called her that or the softness that he spoke to her with that he didn’t use with the guys. She should’ve known when he touched her! She thought he was just being kind, but Mr. Minnelli never treated her that way. Papa was probably right about her being simpleminded and no good; Mr. Bosco must have surely picked up on that and found her easy pickings. 

“I don’t want to talk to you. I just want to go home.”

She sat in the changing room for a few minutes trying to dry her eyes, hoping he’d leave. He knocked on the door before opening it an inch and startling her.

“Teresa, are you decent? I want to make sure you’re ok.”

“I’m decent. I’ll be going.”

He came inside and stood in front of the door. “What's wrong? What’s gotten you so upset?” He reached for her face and she shrugged away from him. 

“You!”

“Me? Wha...what did I do?”

“What did you do? You lied to me, and you tricked me!”

“What are you talking about?”

“Really? Are you going to keep up this ruse? Am I the only one who didn’t know that this arrangement is some lousy attempt at courting me and not a real job?”

“Oh.”

“And that’s what you have to say! I’m going home, and I’m not ever coming back here!”

“Teresa, no. Just let me explain please.”

“Let you explain? What is there to explain? How you got a good laugh over me being completely clueless? Pardon me!”

“No. You’re not leaving until we talk. I’m not letting you leave here like this. We need to talk this out.”

“Talk what out?”

He reached for her arm and pulled her to the sofa. “Teresa, I’m sorry. I can explain if you let me.”

“Explain how you made me look like a fool?”

“You’re not a fool.”

“I certainly feel like one thanks to you. I’ve never been so humiliated in my life!” She was tearful again. “That’s why the guys don’t like me. They think you’re courting me, and they probably think I’m the kind of woman who sells herself.”

He sighed as he placed his hand on her back. “No one thinks that! I just gave them a talking to and made sure they understood the respect they’re meant to show you. No one knows I give you a wage except me and you. You’re so strong and independent and proud. I wanted to help you out, but I knew you’d never accept my help if I offered it.”

“Help me out?”

“Your old man drinks away money he doesn’t even have. I see how you struggle, and you shouldn’t have to, sweetheart. I don’t want you to struggle. I want to provide for you.”

“You have no right to decide that! Or judge my family! Just because we are going through hard times right now doesn’t mean you can...use me! Especially without my consent!” Perhaps that wasn’t the strongest point, but he didn’t even have the courage to say what he wanted from her!

“And I never thought anything like that, sweetheart.”

“Stop calling me that! You paid me money to keep you company and make you feel man enough to say you’re courting me when you’re not!”

“I knew you’d refuse my help, so I offered you a job where all you had to do was spend time with me. I...I wanted to impress you. I thought maybe you could get to know me and come to see me as a man who would make a worthy husband and provider, not just ‘Mr. Bosco.’ I know I’m a little older, so you see me as a businessman, but I wanted you to see me as a man who would care for you and treat you well.”

“I--how old are you?”

“I’m 35. That’s not so old, is it?” 

She gasped as her mouth dropped. “You’re old enough to be my papa! My papa is only 36!” No, she would be leaving. 

He chuckled lightly. “Well, it’s a good thing I’m not your papa then, isn’t it? Come on, Teresa! We have a good time together. Before I ever spent a minute alone with you here, I knew how special you are. I love our little conversations, and I wanted to get to know you more. You’re the most beautiful woman in the neighborhood. Every minute I spend with you, I see how incredible you are and what a kind heart you have. I’m more in love every second. I want a life with you.”

As he looked at her with his eyes wide, she really didn’t know how to respond to this revelation. He didn’t seem like he was crazy or speaking with ill intent. Still, her instinct was to run all the way home. She had no clue what she would do when she got there. Was it possible to die from embarrassment?

“Mr. Bosco, I don’t feel the same way. I took this job because I wanted, and expected, to work. I wish you were honest about your intentions, and I would have said no from the beginning.”

“That’s why I didn’t say anything. You don’t know this, and maybe I’m not supposed to admit it, but you scare the hell out of me. I was terrified that you would reject me outright, that you wouldn’t take the opportunity to get to know me better and to see what I’m offering you. You deserve the world, and I want to give you everything.”

“I should go.”

“No, not like this. I’m sorry that I wasn’t up front with my intentions. I didn’t mean to deceive you. I just hoped I could show you what kind of man I am because I’m very serious about this. Will you tell me how to make this work? What do you need from me to make this work for you?”

She scoffed. “Nothing! I’m really not interested!” 

“I know you don’t have other prospects.” Was a man her papa’s age the only man who would ever be interested in her? 

“That doesn’t make a difference. I’m still not interested.” Speaking of, she should apologize to Luther for the misunderstanding now that she understood exactly what it was. Maybe if they were on good terms he might be interested.

“Tell me how to get your interest. I love you, and I’ll do whatever it takes to get your interest. I want to court you, Teresa.”

How could he love her? She had never given him the impression that she was interested in anything like that! None of this made any sense!

“What you could have done is approach this situation in a way that didn’t make me look a fool.”

“You’re not a fool! Teresa, please. I just want to be with you. You’re beautiful, and I enjoy spending time with you. I can see a future for us. Will you give me a chance to make this right?”

A future? She sat there silently. She refused to answer his question. She’d been as plain as day that she wanted to leave and have no part in any of this. 

“I just want to take care of you.”

She furrowed her eyebrows but didn’t look at or respond to him. She was more concentrated on trying to leave and determining whether she could out run him. If she got home to her brothers, she would be safe. 

“I own your house.”

Her head shot up. “What?!”

“I bought it to surprise you. Like I said, I hate watching you struggle and worry so much.”

“So what does that mean?”

“Nothing.”

“Oh please. You’ll put us on the streets if I don’t agree, won’t you?”

“No. I’d like you to agree because you’re willing to give me a chance. I’d like you to keep coming here. I’ll continue paying your wages.”

“What else?”

“I’d like you to consider this an official courtship.”

She scoffed. She was beyond angry. “Anything else? Would you like to make me your slave?”

“Nothing like that, sweetheart. I’m sorry I deceived you, but you know the truth now. I want you to get to know me as a man. When the time is right for us, I’d like to marry you.”

“You’re blackmailing me. If I don’t let you court me, you’ll kick us out of our home!”

“Teresa...I have no such intentions. Your happiness means everything to me. I want you to give me a chance to make you happy and see that I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you. I’m not your father.”

“You love kicking my papa almost as much as you love serving him whiskey until he can’t stand.”

“His problem is not my fault.”

“I never said it was, but you sure love using it to talk about how you’re better than us without ever saying you’re the one pouring the drinks that make him the way he is.”

“I never said I was better. I know he mistreats you. I want to take you away from that.”

“You don’t know anything about my family! My papa loves us. He’s had a hard time dealing with my mama dying.”

“And what about your hard time? Who takes care of you? Who holds you? Who lifts the burdens off of your shoulders so you can breathe?”

“It’s none of your business.”

“I want to take care of you, give you a home, and be the man you can depend on. I’m asking for a chance to show you my intentions and what I want for us.”

“I have to say that threatening to make my family homeless if I don’t do what you want doesn’t show a man who has good intentions.”

“I never threatened to make you homeless. Do you know why I mention your papa so much? Other than his ass being at my bar every day?”

“Why?” 

“I asked about you once. Well, more than once. I wanted to see if you had prospects. He told me I could have you for a bottle of whiskey if I wanted.” She gasped. “For a bottle of whiskey, I could have his worthless daughter if I wanted her. He even laughed when he told me that she took beatings really well. You respect him because he’s your father, but I don’t have to when I know the pain he’d cause you given the opportunity. I want to take care of you—and I want to help your brothers. They need a good example of what a man can be, don’t you think?”

She didn’t say anything, and she couldn’t look at him. She wasn’t entirely surprised that her father would say something like that if we were already drinking. It didn’t take the sting, or the tears falling from her eyes, away.

He placed his arm around her shoulder as he wiped her tears with his thumb. “Sweetheart, you deserve so much more. Let me show you all of the love that you deserve. I’m only asking for you to give me a chance, to know me as the man who can bring you happiness, not just some businessman. Let me give you a good life. I’m a little older, but I’m not so old that I’m a bad prospect, am I?”

She shrugged away. “I want to go home.”

He sighed. “Ok, sweetheart. I’m sorry I’ve upset you. I’ll take you home.”

“No. I can walk.”

“You’re not walking anywhere alone in the middle of the night. Just let me take you home and take some time to think. I’ll come see after you tomorrow. Come on.”

She let him drive her home. He tried to make conversation, but she didn’t speak to him. He moved to open her door, but she beat him to it. As she got out of the car and quickly walked to her door, she heard him say “I’ll see you tomorrow.” She never wanted to see him again, but that probably couldn’t be avoided. Eventually, he would be by to collect again.

She crept to her room. Jimmy was still asleep where she left him. She tried to dry her eyes as she removed her gown and put her nightshirt on. She laid next to her baby brother and thought of what would come next. Tomorrow, she would have to go out and look for work. She’d have a hard time explaining her work for the past few months. At least she could drive now—if anyone wanted to hire a woman driver. She wondered if Mr. Minnelli had space and would take her back. He was sad when she told him she found other work, so maybe he would take pity. At least his pity didn’t come with invisible strings attached. She should have known that the money Mr. Bosco offered her was too good to be true. Her tears started to fall again.

“T, what’s wrong? What are you doing home already?” Jimmy was rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

“I didn’t mean to wake you, Jimmy. Just go back to sleep.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Yes there is. You’re home early, and you’re crying.” He pulled the covers back and was out of the room before she could stop him.

“Tommy! Stan!” She darted after him.

“What is it, Jimmy?” Tommy was always a light sleeper, which was both a blessing and a curse of its own.

“Something is wrong with T.”

“Guys, keep your voices down! Don’t wake papa!” She was doing her best to clean her face off to get everyone back to bed.

“T, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

“Everyone just go back to bed. I’m fine!”

“You don’t look fine.”

“Please don’t wake papa. Just go to bed. We can talk in the morning.”

“Or we can talk now. Who hurt you? Someone at that fucking bakery?”

“Tommy! Your language!”

“I don’t care. I told you that you should not trust that Minnelli!”

“I haven’t worked at the bakery in months.”

“Oh. Then, where have you been going?”

She tilted her head towards the parlor. While she tried to keep the boys out of things, Tommy was old enough to know what was going on in their household. She could explain to him, but Stan and Jimmy didn’t need to hear.

Her seventeen year old brother just nodded. “Ok, you two, back to bed. I’ll handle this.” Not that Stan and Jimmy didn’t listen to her, but when Tommy did his older brother thing, they made haste to follow his instructions.

When she and Tommy got to the parlor, she grabbed her parka and he followed suit. It would be best if they were away from all prying ears.

He bundled his sweater around him in the blustery winter air. “What’s going on, Teresa? Are you ok?”

She swallowed thickly. “I’m fine. I just...I had an upsetting night.”

“You left work...which is where by the way?”

“I’ve been working over at Sam’s.”

“The bar? You’ve been working at a bar?”

She nodded. “For the past few months. Mr. Bosco offered me a job making almost triple what Mr. Minnelli paid.”

“He offered you a job?”

“When he came to collect and I didn’t have all of what papa owed. He lost his job at the mill.”

“He did?”

“I guess so. He’s been drinking all day over there. He runs up a large tab each week, and I’ve not seen him put any money toward the house or anything else.”

“So you’ve been working there for months and something happened tonight?”

“Yes. I found out why he hired me in the first place.” Tommy looked at her in confusion. “He wants to court me.”

Tommy started laughing. “What? You’re not serious? That guy is papa’s age!”

She let her head fall into her hands. “It’s not funny, Tommy! He paid me money so that I would keep him company, and I’m so stupid that I didn’t even know until some of the guys told me.”

“Wait. He paid you to court you?”

“He said that he wanted to spend time with me so I could get to know him better and not just reject him outright.”

“So you rejected him?”

“Of course, I did! I would’ve never taken that job if I had known his intentions. I was perfectly fine working at the bakery.” She closed her eyes. “I have to go look for work tomorrow.”

“So you can’t work for him anymore?”

“No, Tommy! I’m not going back to that place!”

“But you said you make triple what you did at the bakery.”

“To let him court me. Do you have rocks between your ears?”

“No, but is there something wrong with that? Did he try something with you?”

“Other than courting me with my knowledge or consent?”

“Just courting though. Makes sense why he’s always lingering when he comes to collect, hanging on your every word. He’s in love!” Tommy laughed again. 

“I’m glad you find this so funny! We have no income! Is there any way you can find a job? You’ll get better wages than I will.”

His laughter stopped as he looked away. “T, I’m going to college.”

“College?”

“Yes, Notre Dame wants me to play for them.”

“Notre Dame? That’s not in Chicago.”

“I know, but it’s only a quick train ride. It’s just a few hours away. I can come home on breaks and stuff.”

“On breaks and stuff?” Tommy was leaving her. 

He nodded. “Coach says it’s a great opportunity for me because I can play ball and get a college education--and it’s free because they want me to play ball!”

“It is a great opportunity for you, Tommy. I’m proud of you, but what about our family?”

He shrugged. “What about it? You take care of everything now. Stan is old enough to look out for himself, and in a few years, so will Jimmy. And really, that’s papa’s responsibility.”

“I just told you I don’t have a job.”

“No, you just said that Sam Bosco wants to court you. What’s wrong with letting him give you money?” He snickered. “Besides, he’s old enough that probably all he wants to do is listen to you talk anyway.”

“What’s wrong?! Are you out of your mind? Do you know what they call women who do that? I suppose next you will tell me I should just take my clothes off and lay back for him.”

He was quiet for a moment. “If he makes you a good offer, you should.”

“What?! No! Absolutely not! I cannot even begin to describe what’s wrong with this.”

“What other guys have come around to ask about you? You don’t ever go anywhere where boys your age are. You’re at home or work most of the time. He probably just sees that you’re already trained up to be a good wife. He even knows about all the little things you like that would turn off boys your age, and it doesn’t bother him. I mean, the way you read? Doesn’t he talk to you about your books?”

She shook her head side to side. “No way! I’m not taking a man’s money to be his company. I won’t be anyone’s fool!”

“But you already are! Aren’t you papa’s fool? You got into this whole thing trying to pay his debts.”

“Because if we don’t, we can lose everything! I don’t want us on the streets. Mama would never want that.” They were closer to that now than ever before because she was reckless enough to have mentioned the house in front of Mr. Bosco.

“T, I have to get out of here. I come home every day and papa is just drunker and meaner than the day before. I have to go make a future for myself. You gotta do that too. What are you going to do? Stay here with papa until he drinks himself to death?”

“Don’t talk about him like that! He’s still our father and deserves our respect!” 

“Our father who hasn’t done anything in seven years besides drink and hit us.” Even though she knew Sam hadn’t lied to her, she couldn’t let him go. She remembered her first communion when he’d told her how proud he was of his little girl. He was still there somewhere. She just had to find him. “Is he nice to you?”

“Who?”

“Mr. Bosco. You said he’s trying to court you. Is he nice?”

She shrugged. “I guess so. He says nice things to me. He buys me gifts that I don’t know are gifts sometimes.”

“Then, what’s the problem? If he’s nice, then go along with it. The gifts just mean he’s interested in you, and he wants you to like him.”

“Go along with it? Tell me something: when you go to court a girl and maybe marry her, are you just going to go along?”

“It’s different for girls, T. Girls need a provider; men need a wife. He wants to provide for you. Besides, you’ve been working for him for months. You’ve had time to get to know him. He’s obviously not a bad prospect. You’ve not said one thing against him. You’re just embarrassed that you didn’t know he was trying to court you.”

“Trying to court me without my consent.”

Tommy snickered a bit. “Well, he’s talked to you before. The man was probably scared to death to ask you outright. I’m sure he would’ve told you before he went looking for you to give him the benefits of a husband.” He wiggled his eyebrows.

“Shut up, Tommy!” 

She pushed her brother and shook her head before going back inside. He was right: things were different for girls. She never had any of the opportunities Tommy had. She had a sixth grade education and few skills outside of the home. She had to raise her brothers and manage their home. No one would come and offer her a free college education that would take her away. Nor could she reject the duties to her family. There was only one way she was getting out.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The next morning, she was up before her father and brothers. At some time during the night, Jimmy had curled into her side and draped his arm over her. He was like her baby, but he was still so protective of her. She hoped that he would have opportunities like Tommy.

Breakfast was ready for the boys so they could all get off to school. Papa was moving a bit slow this morning.

“Papa, can I get you anything?”

“Nah. I’m headed out.”

“Papa, wait!”

“What is it, girl?”

She wanted to talk to him about Mr. Bosco, but the look in his eyes told her he wanted nothing besides a drink. 

“Nothing, papa. Have a good day.” Feeling truly alone, she kissed his cheek.

After picking up the house, she curled up with her latest book, noting she would have to get to the library soon for more books. She had to stop going to school, but that didn’t mean she had to stop learning. Around midday, there was a knock on the door. Her heart dropped. She knew who that was and what he wanted. She could just not answer the door, and maybe he’d go away forever. 

“Teresa, it’s me. I know you’re in there. Will you let me in so we can talk? Please.”

Against her better judgment, she sat the book down and opened the door. He smiled at her. “Teresa. It’s great to see you!”

“Mr. Bosco.” His smile fell as he removed his hat. “I suppose we have business to discuss.”

She ushered him inside the parlor. “These are for you.” He handed her a parcel. 

She folded her arms in front of herself. “I don’t need your gifts.”

“They’re for you.” He unwrapped the parcel, revealing a bundle of strawberries. “I know they’re your favorite. You’re a great cook. Have you ever made a strawberry pie?”

She ignored his question. She was in no mood for small talk. “How do you want the house payments made? Should I pay every week and how much?”

“Sweetheart, I bought the house for you. I don’t want you to pay me anything.”

“You didn’t just buy a house and expect nothing in return.”

“I wanted to show you that I could provide for you and lessen your burdens. Teresa, you shouldn’t have to work so hard. You should be able to enjoy life.”

She sighed, looking down at her feet. “What do you want from me, Mr. Bosco?”

“First thing is that I’d like you to never call me that again. My name is Sam. Second thing is that I’d like you to be my wife when the time is right. I know it’s not right just yet, but I want you to fully understand my intentions. It was wrong of me to deceive you because I was afraid you’d reject me. I want to properly court you, Teresa Lisbon.”

He looked hopeful when he spoke. She recalled Tommy’s words from the night before. Girls needed a provider; men needed a wife. Sam was a businessman; he wanted to conduct a transaction. Only, at the center of that transaction was her life.

She closed her eyes. “I can agree to the courtship, but I want to be clear. I am not doing any immoral acts for money.”

“No, I certainly didn’t think so.” He wrapped her in an embrace. “I’m just asking for a chance to win a place in your heart to match the one you have in mine.”

He kissed the top of her head as a single tear escaped her eye. Tommy may have been right about the nature of things, but he would never understand the feeling of surrendering yourself to protect your family. Apparently, that was something men never had to feel.


	4. Courting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to remind folks that this story using period typical attitudes, including language. CW: verbal abuse near the end of the chapter.

January 1927

After she agreed to the courtship, she continued to work at the bar. Well, she didn’t really work there, but she still lied to herself anyway. She couldn’t believe she was accepting a man’s money to let him court her! Of course, Sam saw himself as providing for his intended. She didn’t quite feel the same way about things. At mass each week, she wondered if she should repent for that. She didn’t take holy communion for weeks.

Though, nothing really changed between them. They went out on runs together. On nights when they had no runs, she would make supper for them. Except now, sometimes they never went out back. He didn’t always like sitting out back unless there was some good music. Apparently, sitting out there each night had been for her benefit. 

Most nights, she came over and they listened to music for the evening and found things to talk about. He really did just like talking to her and asking about her books. 

One night, he asked about the book she was reading. “Will you read it to me?” 

“If you want.” She started reading, and she noticed he watched her with a look of wonder as she read the words aloud. The next night, he asked her to read it to him again. When they finished that book, he asked her to read her next book to him.

She giggled. “Wow, maybe I should get a job talking on the radio.”

“Why’s that?” 

“My voice must sound very good for you to prefer listening to me read instead of reading them yourself!” 

The smile on her face died when she noticed a look of shame cross his face as he frowned. He looked away from her and rubbed his head. 

His voice was barely above a whisper. “You have a lovely voice.” 

She swallowed thickly, realizing she’d never even seen a newspaper in the house. The only book she saw was his family Bible. “Sam, can you read?”

“Not very good.” He refused to look at her. “Well, no. I can’t. You’re so smart, and I...I don’t want you to think I’m an idiot.” 

“I don’t think that. Not everyone gets to learn. That’s ok.”

“It’s not ok. I’m not smart like you. I can write my name, but that’s it.”

“You run an entire business! You’re smart!”

He chuckled. “I’ve got a head for figures but not reading.”

“Didn’t you go to school at all?”

“I needed to work for wages.”

“Oh. You never talk about your family.”

He smiled sadly. “Not everything bears a conversation. I’d rather talk about you. I like the way you tell stories, and if I can’t read them, I’d just as soon hear them from you.” Later, he would tell her how his father died in a factory accident. His mama took on a job, but she left for work one night to never return home. They were never sure what happened to her. His sister, Mandy, took care of him and his brother as best she could, but the children were on their own. His brother died in the war; his sister died in her child bed. After the war, he focused on establishing himself as a businessman by taking on the kind of work that wasn’t necessarily legal--but the kind that really helped you get ahead. 

The next night, she brought one of Jimmy’s reading books. When she pulled it from her satchel, she asked him: “Do you want to try reading?”

He winked at her. “I’ll try for you.” 

At first, Sam was frustrated that the book was meant for a child, but he struggled with it. However, his frustration gave way a few nights later as he started making out the words and reading sentences aloud. 

When he read an entire page the next week, she smiled at him. “See, I told you that you’re smart!” He beamed with pride. Weeks later, he couldn’t stop grinning when he pulled out a newspaper and started reading it to her as she sat next to him, listening intently.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

February 1927

On St. Valentine’s Day, he kissed her for the first time. When she arrived at his house, he presented her with a beautiful, hand-painted card that said “for my love,” along with a single rose. She presented him with a sweater that she knitted for him. She’d spent weeks working on that sweater, having to unwind pieces of it and redo it. She anxiously awaited to see if it fit, hoping she got the measurements just right. He seemed to be about the same size as papa, so she went with that. His eyes lit up as he unwound the parcel. 

“A sweater!” 

“Yes, I wasn’t really sure what else to get for you. I noticed you don’t seem to have many sweaters. I wasn’t sure of your measurements, so if it doesn’t fit, I can make another one for you.”

He smiled. “I don’t have many sweaters.” Of course he didn’t. He wore those expensive suits all of the time! 

He unfastened his vest and slid his shirt over his head. She was momentarily stunned and wondered if she should look away, but she was curious to see if her gift fit, and she’d need to know how exactly to make the new one if it didn’t.

“Look at that! It’s a perfect fit, and a perfect gift from my sweetheart. Thank you!” He caressed her cheek. He wore that sweater almost nonstop.

After supper, he put a record on and invited her to dance to “Someone to Watch Over Me.” 

She had never danced with a boy, or a man, like this with her hand in his and his arm around her back, swaying to the tune. She could feel him staring at her, and when she looked up, she found his eyes. The way he looked at her was like he could read her soul, if that were possible. 

She wasn’t sure if she was supposed to say something or remain silent. “This is a beautiful tune.” 

“A beautiful tune for my beautiful sweetheart.” She giggled at that. “What’s so funny?”

“You don’t have to call me beautiful all the time.”

“Why not? A man should always speak the truth, especially when it’s to tell his lass how special she is.” Her giggle gave way to a full faced blush as she thought of how his kind eyes and soft beard made him handsome. Should she tell him that? 

They swayed around to that tune no fewer than five times. He kept restarting the record. She almost asked if he had another, but he seemed to like this one a lot. It was a rather nice song.

Dancing gave way to checkers as snow hammered down on the city. Within an hour, everything was completely white outside. He watched as she zipped around the board with her king, eliminating the last of his pieces. 

“Damn, I can’t believe you won again! You really have no mercy!”

She shrugged. “What’s mercy in a game of checkers?”

He laughed, and then, she laughed. When he stopped laughing, he looked at her a little funny.

“What is it?”

“The sound of your laughter is what I imagine angels must sound like. Teresa, have you ever been kissed?”

“Well, a boy tried once, and it didn’t go so well.”

Sam blinked. “Tried?”

“One time, Mr. Minnelli’s nephew followed me into a pantry. He grabbed my backside and tried to kiss me. I threw a baking stone into his tender spot and kicked him. He was on the floor groaning and crying when Minnelli came to see what was going on. I thought I was done for when Minnelli started yelling in Italian. Mrs. Minnelli came and got me. She said it was good that I protect my virtue but to remember that young men are tender in body and heart.”

Sam bellowed out a laugh. “That’s my Teresa!”

She blushed and smiled a bit. She hadn’t told anyone that story before. She certainly didn’t think she’d tell it and not be chastised for her behavior.

“So are you opposed to all kissing, or just boys trying to corner you? Because I’d like to kiss you. Can I do that? I really don’t want anything thrown into my tender spot!” He was still laughing. 

“Right now?”

He chuckled a little bit. “Yes, sweetheart. Right now. Come here, please.”

She wasn’t sure what to say or what to do. Somehow, she found the courage to stand from where she was kneeling on the floor for their game of checkers, instead of running away. As she reached where he was on the sofa, she sat next to him as he placed an arm around her shoulder.

“You want to kiss me?”

“Does that surprise you? If it does, then I’m not doing a very good job of showing you how I feel about you.” 

She didn’t mind hanging around with him. He was nice to her and always ensured her comfort. In fact, he was fun and usually pleasant. He wasn’t a hard man to be around at all.

Her cheeks were hot. “I suppose not.” After all, it was the kind of thing that couples did. 

“Am I making you nervous?”

She nodded. “Maybe you should just do it.”

“You never have to be nervous around me. I won’t hurt you or make you do anything you don’t want to do, sweetheart. Are you sure I can kiss you?”

“Yes.” Using the hand already around her shoulder, he tilted her head up to him and kissed her. At first, his lips were just pressed against hers. When she felt his tongue in her mouth, she gasped. 

“Are you ok?”

“Your tongue was in my mouth.”

He grinned. “I know. That’s kissing. Just follow my lead, ok?”

He did it again. This time, she was prepared. On instinct, her tongue started to move with his as she noted the pleasant sensation of his beard scratching the skin around her lips. He kept kissing her for what seemed like an eternity.

He moved away, and she was glad that he did. Her chest felt like it was on fire. She needed to breathe. He continued to caress her jaw. “Our first kiss. Did you like it?”

It felt pleasant, but she didn’t know if she liked it. Sometimes, she had a hard time understanding how she was supposed to feel about him. Since she left school, she didn’t really have friends. He was a very good friend. In any case, she knew what he wanted to hear about the kiss. “Yes. Did you?”

He smiled at her sweetly. “I liked it very much. You make me so happy, sweetheart.”

She felt her cheeks burning again. Really, she had no idea what she did to make him react this way to her. All she ever did was just play games or cards with him, drive the car, talk to him, or make supper. It was all normal stuff and no declarations of love from her, but he always acted like her presence was the greatest gift of all.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

March 1927

She’d never seen Sam’s as packed as it was on St. Patrick’s Day. Anyone who was anyone was there. Sam knew a lot of people and had a lot of friends.

She prepared food for the boys, and she left for Sam’s immediately after to prepare more food. He asked her if she didn’t mind making a feast for the boys for tonight since it was a day of celebration and it would be so busy. By the time she changed and sat at Sam’s table in the bar, she was exhausted! 

“Very good supper, sweetheart. Thank you.”

She blushed a bit. She wasn’t used to being thanked for cooking--or anyone complimenting her cooking except Jimmy. Like Sam, he seemed to like everything she made. “It wasn’t a problem. Glad to earn my wage this week.”

Sam laughed from his belly, making the table shake. “You earn it every week.” He had a bottle of whiskey at the table. He didn’t always drink, but it was a day of celebration. “You want me to have you a lemon water brought over?”

“Yes, please.” It was her favorite drink.

She sipped on her water, but she was increasingly more curious about the whiskey Sam had at the table. Maybe it was because she was used to being here now, but it didn’t stink anymore. 

Sam saw her looking at the bottle. “Do you want a sip?”

She met his red eyes with uncertainty. What if she took a sip and ended up like papa? “I don’t know. I was just looking at the bottle. It’s...got a nice design.”

He chuckled a bit. “It’s ok to partake sometimes, Teresa. Here.”

He handed her his glass. She took a sip. It didn’t taste bad at all. She took another before giving his Sam his glass back. He smiled at her and refilled the glass, leaving it sitting between them. She took some more sips, feeling her cheeks get hot. A few sips later, her head was light and her chest heavy. Sam was talking to her, but she lost the thread on that conversation long ago. She just kept sipping the whiskey and listening to the Irish music playing, until she leaned her head against Sam’s shoulder. 

She felt him lift the glass out of her hand. “Sweetheart, I think you are drunk.”

“Hmm?”

He laughed softly. “Let’s get you to the front of the house before I have to carry you. I have to admit I’m a bit gone too.”

He took her hand and pulled her up from the table. “Wait!”

He seemed a bit startled. “What’s wrong, Teresa?”

“Dance with me!”

“When we get to the front house, we’ll dance if you want.”

“No! Dance with me here! You don’t have this music in the front house.”

He laughed at her, pushing her hair out of her face. “All right. If my sweetheart wants to dance here, we will.”

“I’m your sweetheart.”

“You are.”

“Does that mean you’re my sweetheart?”

“I really hope so.”

“Hmm.”

Her head was so heavy to hold up, so she leaned against his chest. He had such a strong chest. He could hold her up. 

From there, the rest of the night was a blur. She remembered Sam helping her walk to the front house and placing her on top of the covers in his bed. He kissed her forehead after covering her with a blanket. 

“You are my sweetheart, and I love you very much,” he said sweetly into her ear before leaving her there.

“Maybe you’re my sweetheart, too,” she whispered. 

When she woke, she had a headache and a stomach ache worse than anything she’d ever had before. How did papa drink that stuff all day long, every day? She never wanted to see it again! She'd stick with her lemon water.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

April 1927

On Good Friday, he asked to sit with her at mass. As they sat in his parlor listening to a record, he asked her out of the blue. “Can I sit with you at mass tomorrow?”

Her face went pale. “You want to sit with me at mass tomorrow?” 

He nodded. “Yes. I’d like to sit with you and your brothers.” 

Families kept together, but sometimes, couples courting sat together. On a normal day, no one paid attention to where anyone sat, but Good Friday was a big deal. Everyone in the neighborhood would be there. Everyone would see Sam sit next to her.

“It’s Good Friday. Papa will probably be there.”

He rubbed his beard. “I doubt he will.” Papa had been to mass only a handful of times since mama died. “But I could--and probably should--talk to him.”

She felt her heart racing. “What? Why?”

“Why? Because I’m courting his daughter. It’s the polite and proper thing to do.”

Polite and proper would have been to talk to him before he started courting her for his permission. Polite and proper would not involve them spending so much time alone together at night. No, he wanted to make things public.

“I don’t want to make him angry.”

“A courtship would make him angry? Of all things, you acting responsibly and taking care of your entire family would make him angry?”

“If he knows where I’ve been going at night, he will think the worst.”

“Teresa, you don’t want me to talk to your papa. You are trying to avoid my question about sitting together at mass tomorrow. What’s going on?”

“Nothing!” She answered a little too quickly.

He readjusted in his seat. “You don’t want to be seen with me?”

“It’s not...mass is a big deal!”

He shrugged. “So is our courtship. Why shouldn’t we be in public together?”

She looked down and picked at her fingernails. “I don’t know.”

“I know what this is. Are you ashamed to be in public with me because you think I’m an old man and people will laugh at you?”

“No.”

“Funny. You said ‘no,’ but I heard ‘yes.’”

“I didn’t say that.”

He caressed her cheek. “You know, sooner or later, you will have to be in public with me. I might be the same age as your papa, but I’m not that old. If he had himself together, he could be married again with more children.” She scrunched her nose at that. She didn’t know if she liked the idea of having another woman come replace mama. “Besides, anyone who would make fun of you is just jealous. I won’t talk to your papa just yet, but I need to talk to him soon. I’d like to get married this year. After all, I’m not getting any younger.”

He laughed as he kissed the side of her head. He wanted to get married this year, and she wasn’t sure if she’d ever want to get married at all! She was supposed to be in love with him, and she still wasn’t sure about that. That’s why she didn’t want to be in public together, but she didn’t want to hurt his feelings. 

At mass the next evening, he slid into the pew next to her and squeezed her hand. Jimmy, who was sitting next to her, leaned over to take in the stranger who’d just sat next to her sister.

Jimmy tugged on her sleeve, whispering. “T, who is that old guy sitting next to you?” She closed her eyes as Tommy and Stan started to snicker. Thankfully, everyone around them was still chatting and didn’t care what was going on. 

Though, Sam seemed to hear Jimmy’s question. He reached around her, holding his hand out. “Hi there. Sam Bosco.”

Her little brother looked at her in confusion for a moment before taking Sam’s hand. “James Lisbon.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Jimmy.”

“James. Only my friends call me Jimmy.”

That got the other boys really going. “Tommy! Stan! Jimmy, that’s not polite and not how we speak to adults.”

Apparently, Sam was also amused as she noticed him smile with a twinkle in his eye. “Well, it’s nice to meet you, James.”

“I guess it’s nice to meet you too, Mr. Bosco.”

“Only my friends call me Mr. Bosco. Everyone else calls me Sam.”

Jimmy furrowed his brows at that as she grinned a bit. “I don’t think that’s true, and we’re not supposed to lie in church.”

Sam looked at her and smiled. “Well, this kid is going places. You can call me ‘Sam,’ James.” 

“Then, I guess you can call me ‘Jimmy.’”

She had never been happier for mass to actually start. She had no idea where Jimmy picked up something like that, but their papa would not be near as amused, or in a good humor, as Sam if he ever did something like that in front of him. He’d give both of them a beating.

As they began to sing a hymn, Sam tapped her hand. 

“Hmm?” She looked over at him.

“Is that Mrs. Murphy over there?” He pointed to an older woman sitting up front.

“I think so.”

“Well, is she asleep, or has she gone to be with our father in heaven? Should we check on her? That woman was like 90 when I was a kid!” She started laughing out loud and he smiled back at her. It was cruel, but the woman was very old. It was likely she had just fallen asleep. 

Unfortunately, that drew the attention of Mrs. Grady, who was directly in front of them. She turned to look at them with a stern, reproachful gaze. She did her best to hold her laughter in and wipe the smile off of her face, as Sam puffed his face up like a little boy who had just been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. After Mrs. Grady returned facing forward, they faced each other, laughing quietly with their fingers touching. When she turned to face forward, she caught Tommy staring at her from the corner of her eye.

As they were in line to take communion, Sam asked to give them a ride home. She just gave him a simple nod. There was no point in telling him that it was a short walk to their house and causing an argument. He never liked her walking anywhere. The five of them piled into his automobile.

When they arrived home, she didn’t want to linger in his car too long with the boys standing right there in broad daylight. “Come on, Jimmy. Let’s get inside!” Tommy ushered the boys inside, stealing away her excuse for getting out of the car quickly.

“I’m sorry about Jimmy.”

He waved his hand. “No need to apologize. He saw a strange man sit down next to his sister, and he wanted to know about me.”

“Well, if he ever did something like that in front of papa…”

“He would knock him senseless I’m sure, but there’s no need for that. Brothers protect their sisters.” She just laughed at that. “What’s so funny?”

“It just is.” The joke was that her brothers absolutely did not protect her. She did everything, and they not only laughed at her, but they left her out here alone in the car with Sam. 

“Sorry I got you in trouble at mass. What a tough crowd!”

She chuckled softly. “Well, you’re good at trouble, Sam.” Even if he was older than she was, sometimes, he still acted very youthful sometimes.

He grinned as he tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. “That I am. Will I see you tomorrow?”

Her smile slipped a bit. She wasn’t sure if she was ready for this, but she knew what she should do. “I’ll make the run with you. Why don’t you come for supper on Sunday?”

“I’d love that, sweetheart.”

“Ok, I will see you then.” As she reached for the door, he pulled her towards him, looking into her eyes. His eyes looked so happy. It was the strangest thing, but sometimes when his eyes were that happy, she started to feel happy. It was almost like a chain reaction where his happiness wore off on her. He brought his lips to hers for a chaste, but intimate, kiss. She thought about that kiss briefly as he got out to get the door for her.

On Sunday, he appeared at their door holding a bouquet of beautiful spring flowers for her. She smiled as she accepted them and thanked Sam. No one had ever brought her flowers before. She made a mental note to find out how to preserve them for as long as possible.

Papa was confused as to why he was there, but his confusion didn’t extend much past the fact that Sam gifted him a bottle of whiskey before going off to talk with him. She remembered what Sam had told her: “For a bottle of whiskey, I could have his worthless daughter if I wanted her.” Did Sam bring whiskey in exchange for her?

She tried to put that out of her mind as she busied herself finishing supper. She didn’t know exactly how their talk went or what was said. During their meal, he clapped Sam on the shoulder and remarked: “I’m glad my daughter finally did something worthwhile. God knows she’s terrible at cooking and maintaining a home, but I’m glad you like her. Good job landing this one, Teresa!”

She frowned slightly before fixing her face. Surely, Sam was used to seeing him drunk, but it didn’t embarrass her any less. “Yes, papa.”

He took another swig of whiskey. Sam frowned, simply looking toward her papa sitting at the head of the table. “I don’t know. I like her cooking. I think you have a nice home.”

Papa laughed before using his sleeve to wipe the sweat off of his forehead. “Well, you have to say nice things to her now, don’t you? When she’s your problem, you’ll sing a different tune.”

“Well, some problems are better to have than others, Tom.” She squeezed her eyes shut, praying Sam didn’t say anything further. Privately, he’d made his feelings about papa known. 

“Aht aht! That’s Father Lisbon to you, isn’t it?”

Sam laughed. “Yeah, no. I’m not going to call you that.”

Papa simply shrugged and raised his glass. “Just keep them coming, and I don’t care what you call me.”

“Why would he call you father?” Jimmy spoke out, and she saw Stan hit him in the arm. “Ow!”

“Because your sister is laid up with him.”

Tommy inhaled sharply. She heard Jimmy whisper “what does laid up mean?” as Stan shrugged his shoulders. Sam dropped his fork as she also gasped, her cheeks burning. “Papa!”

“Well, why else is a fully grown man here asking after you if you aren’t laid up with him? Are you expecting yet?”

“Papa...I would never!”

“Ah! It’s ok, girl. It happens. You’ll just marry him. Let him buy the whole cow.”

Her tears ran hot as they fell down her face. Sam grabbed her hand. “You know, if you didn’t spend so much time laying around drinking maybe you would know your daughter better. You’d know what a wonderful, smart, good girl she is.” 

“Hey! This is my house! I’ll speak the truth if I see fit. Why else are you interested in this girl if she didn’t take her clothes off for you? I know how this works!”

Sam nodded his head. “It might be your house, and ordinarily, I’d never disrespect a man in his own house, especially not in front of his children. But listen here: you will not speak to her that way, and you’ll never lay a finger on her again. Not if you expect to keep drinking at my bar or any others around here.”

“Until you marry the little whore, she’s my responsibility. I’ll talk to her how I see fit in MY house. Now, if you or her don’t like that, you can get the hell out.”

“Is this really your house?”

She gasped. “Please don’t.”

“Don’t what? Let your new papa talk for himself, Teresa.”

“The way I see it, this is Teresa’s house.”

Papa laughed. “Sure it is. Since when? I maintain this family.”

“Since I bought the house from the bank. You don’t work, and she’s struggling to make sure the house is kept up and paid for to keep you off the streets. It seems to me if she does everything here, then it’s her house.” 

“You did what? I pay the bills here!”

“How? By laying around and drinking? You can’t even pay your bar tab!”

“Sam, please! That’s enough! We have cake! Who wants cake?”

Papa jumped up from the table. “Get the hell out of my house!” 

“I think you mean ‘Teresa’s house.’”

“Nay. I mean my house, you filthy bastard. You think you’re better than me because you have a little money? Get out and take your little whore with you if she pleases you so much.”

“Papa…”

“I don’t want to hear it, girl! I’m tired of you thinking you have some upper hand because you’re selling yourself off to him. I won’t have a no good whore living in my house. Get out!”

“Papa, please! It’s not like that at all! Sam has never been improper.”

He scoffed. “Sam, is it? Get out of my house.”

“Papa!” Tommy intervened. 

“Boy, shut your trap! I am your father, not the other way around.”

“Why does T have to leave?” Jimmy was tearful. He had even less idea of what was happening or why than she did.

Stan admonished him. “Be quiet, Jimmy. Don’t get involved.”

“She’s not your mother, boy. Quit crying and be a man! Nay, if your mother were alive she’d be disappointed in how you turned out, girl. Get your shite and get out.”

She looked to Tommy with pleading eyes to help her, but he just looked away. She padded toward the room she shared with Jimmy and grabbed her belongings and her savings. As she grabbed her parka, she looked toward her father again, making one last plea.

“Papa, please don’t make me go. I’m sorry for what I did.” Only, she had no idea what she did to make him kick her out of their family home like this.

“Get out before I toss you out! I have no daughter no more!” He spat.

As she began to cry, she felt Sam’s hand on her elbow, guiding her to the door. “Teresa, it’s ok. Let’s go.” He looked over at papa. “You’re done around here.”

She knelt down to hug Jimmy, who was sobbing. “Please don’t go, Teresa! Please don’t leave me! Papa, please don’t make her go!”

“Shut up, boy! Maybe it will be good for you to get away from your sister’s skirts, so you can stop being so soft!” Papa had never been very fond of Jimmy, and sometimes, he could be cruel.

She held his cheeks in her hands. “I would never leave you, Jimmy. I’ll be by to check up on you. You better be eating your vegetables. Tommy, take care of them. Stan, mind Tommy and watch out for Jimmy.” 

The boys nodded at her, and Sam ushered her out of the door. All she could hear were Jimmy’s sobs as she left their little yellow house for the last time.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

She barely registered when they had arrived at Sam’s as he started to help her out of the car. “Come on, sweetheart. Let’s go inside.”

Nothing registered and nothing really mattered anymore. All she could hear were Jimmy’s sobs as papa called her a no good whore and threw her out of their home. She had no home now. 

“Teresa, do you have a night gown?”

She didn’t answer him as he started to go through her bag. She could only stare into the room, thinking about what had happened. Why did papa make her leave? What did she do to make him hate her so much?

Sam kept talking to her, but she didn’t really hear him. She wanted to go home and beg for her papa’s mercy. After that level of disrespect, she would disavow this whole courtship business if that’s what he wanted. When she looked down, she was wearing a nightgown that she’d never seen before. Then, she was in bed. She felt the other side of the bed get heavy. That’s when she began to sob.

“Sweetheart, it’s ok.” He drew closer to her as he started to rub her arm. “Everything will be ok. I promise. You’re safe here.”

“Ok? My papa disowned me, and I don’t have a home!”

“Of course you have a home! You can stay here with me. If you want, I’ll see about getting a bed brought into the changing room. Or you can stay in here with me if you’d like.”

She sat up and shrugged away from him. “Stay in here with you?! That’s how I got into this whole mess! I wish I were smart enough not to get involved in anything like this. How could you?”

“How could I do what?” 

“You made my papa so angry. I begged you not to say anything.”

He sighed. “Teresa, you have never deserved to be treated that way. I could tell you that you’re better off, but you wouldn’t believe me. Not right now. You might want to think of me as the bad guy...”

“You brought him whiskey! He was doing so good. Why did you do that? Is it because you knew he’d say ‘yes’ to whatever you asked him? Did you hope he’d just toss me to you? Is this what you wanted?”

He continued. “You might think I’m the bad guy here because it’s easier to blame me than him, but I’m not. I would never do anything to cause you pain. When you think through this, you will see that a weight has been taken off of your shoulders. You don’t deserve to be disrespected that way, and I have half a mind to have McAllister go throw him out into a gutter tomorrow.”

“Don’t! Stop interfering! You’ve done enough to my family!” She thought of poor, confused Jimmy sobbing as she left, and her own sobs began again.

“Come here.” He held his arms open to her. When she didn’t move, he sat up to embrace her. “You’re going to be just fine and so will the boys. I’ll take care of you.”

“I’m going to talk to my papa tomorrow. If he wants me to end this courtship, I will. My family means more to me than anything else. And I don’t know if I want to be in a courtship with a man who would disrespect my papa that way. This was all such a big mistake! What was I even thinking?”

He sighed as he tightened his embrace. “Teresa...I don’t want you to think that way. You’d rather run back to abuse than accept my love and protection. What’s this really about? Jimmy? We can bring him to stay here, if you want.”

“What I want is to go home with my family! I don’t want my papa to hate me. He said he didn’t have a daughter anymore. I have to go see him tomorrow and fix this. I have to do whatever he wants to make this right. I need to be with my brothers.” 

“And what do you think you will fix? How long has he been talking to you that way and hitting you while you run the entire household? You take it and hold your head up because you think good daughters should do that. Well, I don’t, and I won’t let you be treated that way. Like I said, if you want, we can bring Jimmy to live here--Stan and Tommy too, if they want.”

“I don’t need you to tell me how I want to be treated. It is none of your concern! These are family matters!”

“And soon, we will be family. I don’t want to fight with you about this. I just want you to know that you have a home, one where you are loved, appreciated, and protected. I’m sorry you’re hurting.” He kissed the side of her head before pulling her down to the mattress. She fell into a fitful, restless sleep as he stroked her hair.


	5. Promise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: emotional abuse picking up from the last chapter!

May 1927

She tried to locate her papa, but he was out drinking at some unknown location. Sam stayed true to his word that he would not set foot in his bar or any of the bars he supplied. As a temporary solution, she stayed with Sam. Since she usually worked nights, it didn’t seem that anyone in the neighborhood was wise to the fact that she was not living in the Lisbon home. She was horrified that someone would find out that she was living with Sam. Whenever she had to go out, she used the back entrance to Sam’s, just like she always did when she was working. 

Sam huffed in frustration. “You should not be ashamed to be in our home.” 

“It’s your home, not mine. I don’t have a home since a stranger decided to insert himself into family business.” 

“I’m not a stranger! I’m looking out for you. I would never speak to you in such a fashion to cause you embarrassment and make you cry! How do you think that made me feel to watch you cry? If that were damn near anyone else on this planet who brought you to tears that way, I would have ripped him apart. The only reason he still has his wits about him is because he’s your father.”

“It was never your business! I let you talk to my papa because I agreed that it was the proper thing to do. I spend too much time with you for him to not know. And now, this is even more improper. I need to start looking for a room to board.”

He looked at her in confusion. “Why do you want to board somewhere?”

“It’s not proper for me to stay in your home.”

“What can we do to make it feel more like your home, too? Do you want to change the furniture or something?”

“Nothing! It’s not proper for me to stay here, living together like husband and wife!” Not to mention he never had a bed brought for the changing room, so she continued to sleep in his bed. He never tried anything with her. Though, sometimes, she woke much closer to his side of the bed than she remembered falling asleep. Sometimes, she was in his arms. 

“Well, let’s make it proper. Let’s get married.”

She was still angry with him. Since she started staying here, he brought up marriage quite a bit. As they were currently living under the same roof, that made sense. 

“Why would I want to marry you? You’re the reason I am all alone in the world.” 

“You’re not alone. You have me. You have your brothers. I’d like to make things official between us, Teresa.”

“Why do you think marriage is the solution to all of my problems?”

He shrugged. “I’d like to think of it as more than a solution to your problems. I’d like to think of it as starting a life together because you mean the world to me. Then again, I also don’t think you have the problems you think you do.”

She rolled her eyes. She didn’t have anywhere else to go, any other marriage prospects, or a real job even. Yet, she resisted the idea of marrying him all the same. Maybe he did mean well and maybe he loved her, but he disrespected her family. Her family needed her, and now, she had been disowned.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

After a week or so passed, she finally found her papa to make her pleas. Since Sam wouldn’t let him drink there or at any bar he supplied, she had to find him over at Gale Bertram’s place. 

When she went in, she realized just how much different it was than Sam’s. While some folks came to Sam’s just to get drunk every day, this place seemed to only have people here for that purpose. It seemed rather glum. She slid onto the bar stool next to papa.

He looked over at her. “What the hell do you want, girl?”

“To talk to you, papa.”

“Well, I don’t know. How does your new papa feel about that? Is he going to come give me a talking to because he doesn’t like that? Think I should talk to you like you’re some kind of royalty or something?”

“Papa, I’m very sorry about what happened on Easter.”

The barkeep appeared. “My, my, my! Who’s this little angel, Tom?”

“I reckon she’s my daughter. Though, she doesn’t much act it.”

“Huh. Well, you shouldn’t hide something so lovely.” The way the man’s beady eyes followed her made her shiver. “What will you be having to drink?”

“Just a lemon water please.”

“Lemon water? At a bar? I can see why you’re not sure she’s your daughter, Tom.”

“Just give the girl her water.”

The man shrugged before returning with her water. He winked at her as he sat the glass in front of her. “If you ever get lonely, you can come by and talk to me any time.”

She glanced at her papa who sat there staring into his glass of whiskey. Perhaps he didn’t want to piss any more barkeeps off. Perhaps he didn’t care about the man’s lewd comment because he thought her the kind of woman deserving of such comments. She just plastered a false smile onto her face. “Thank you. I will keep that in mind.”

She sat there quietly for a moment. “Papa, I want to make whatever I did right.”

“Whatever you did? You told that rat bastard family business. You humiliated me. Are you too stupid to figure out what you did?”

She closed her eyes. “No papa, I figured that it was because I spoke out of turn about family matters. I’m sorry. At the time, I spoke…”

“At the time you spoke? Look, I know I’m a worthless bastard. I don’t need you bringing Sam fucking Bosco into my home to tell me. He looks down on us anyway.” He chuckled darkly. “Well, I guess he looks down on you in a different way now!”

Her face reddened. “Papa! I’ve never done that. I’ve never done anything like that!”

He rolled his eyes before huffing. The sour whiskey smell was almost unbearable. She wondered when the last time his clothes were washed. Maybe she should offer to go over and do the wash. “And where the hell have you been staying?”

She averted her eyes. “With Sam, but…”

“And you’re not taking your clothes off for him?”

“No! I’ve...I’ve never! I just want to come home!”

He chuckled again. “Don’t like your new papa’s rules?”

Despite the smell, she leaned in closer to whisper to him. “If you want, I will get checked. I will prove it to you that I’m still intact.” She was so ashamed and embarrassed. She’d never talked to papa about such matters before. 

“Save your breath, girl. You’re not coming home. Though, maybe you got lucky and got one that can’t act like a man. Maybe he’ll go easy on you.”

“Papa, please. I’m sorry. I’ll look for other work.”

“What other work are you going to get? You’re worthless!” 

She closed her eyes. He was already far into his drink for this conversation. “I can try getting work at the bakery again. I have lots of skills in baking! I could go to the factory, too. I’m sure there are jobs. I just need to look.”

He was silent for a moment. “You know, before your brother left, he decided he ought to tell me what a worthless piece of shite I am for kicking you out on your ass.”

“Wait. Tommy’s left?”

“I guess he got some job working for the summer or something. Said he was getting on with his life. Said I made you have to do this thing with Bosco on account of just being a lousy drunk who doesn’t care for his family.” He didn’t even say goodbye.

“Papa, I don’t blame you. I considered Sam’s offer, and I thought it seemed good. I didn’t think he’d disrespect you. If I had known...well, I’d never go with a man who disrespected you.”

“You thought it seemed good, did you? You don’t know how men like him do their business.” Truthfully, she didn’t know about business. She didn’t think it appropriate to ask Sam about his business beyond what she needed to know for runs. Even if she thought his offer a business transaction at first, he didn’t treat her like business. “You didn’t ask me to consider it. You should have. I would have told you exactly what he wanted with you! You’re a girl. He’s a man. It’s not hard to figure out.”

“I went to work for him.” Papa laughed. “I was working for him when he mentioned the idea of a courtship.”

“I could’ve told you that a man doesn’t just throw money at you and expect nothing.” 

“But papa, it was a job offer. He offered me nearly triple what I was making at the bakery!” 

“What skills do you even have that he’d be interested in paying you for? And triple that of the bakery! You don’t have sense, do you?”

Apparently, Sam thought she was a good conversationalist and cook. She didn’t dare smart off to papa though, especially right now. “Well, I cook for the boys, I run errands, and I help him get product.”

“You help him do what?”

She sighed, as she whispered: “I drive out for liquor runs with him. I’m a driver.”

“You can drive a car?” She nodded. “And who taught you that?”

“Sam taught me to drive.”

He laughed. “So your new papa taught you to drive, after I said that I’d not have my daughter driving?”

“Please stop calling him that. He’s not my papa.” For some reason, it bugged her when he called Sam that. 

“I guess he’s not. Your brother told me that he thought it a good idea that you accept his courtship because you’d be better off than all of us.”

“We talked about it when he told me he was going to college. Papa, I’m sorry. I know I should’ve spoken with you.”

He shrugged. “It doesn’t matter now, does it? I suppose if Tommy says it’s all right, that’s what matters, right? You brought him into our lives, into MY house to disrespect me.”

“I didn’t mean to disrespect you, papa. I’m sorry.”

“Of course not. You just bragged to him about how you pay all of the bills. I didn’t need you bringing that man into our lives to tell me how to run my house!”

“I didn’t bring him into our lives, and I didn’t brag about anything. I met him when he came by to collect. He knew you lost your job because you were over there drinking all day long. I just wanted to work and make sure we could keep the house. Stan and Jimmy are still little, and they need a home. I didn’t know that he would go and buy the house!”

He slammed his glass down, startling her. “Girl, you’re not coming home. You can sit here and try to make your case all day long. Your time would be better spent taking care of your man’s house. I have no use for you. You think any man would have you now that you’ve spent all of your time alone, living in some man’s house? Whether you took your clothes off for him or not, you’re as good as a whore now. I won’t have you at my house. You think you’ll get another offer now? Gale Bertram over there looks pretty fond of you though. Maybe he’ll use you and sell you out. Just go marry that bastard and leave me the hell alone. Get!”

He pushed her from her stool, but she was able to catch her footing before she fell. She looked at him wide eyed. “Papa…”

“Get! And don’t come bothering me anymore! Maybe learn to keep family matters in your family. Take your problems up with your new papa.”

“Goodbye, papa.” She hung her head as she left the bar. She walked around for a while. She just wanted to go home and be with the boys. Stan and Jimmy needed her. Tommy was gone now, and he hadn’t even said goodbye. She tried to understand why papa wouldn’t accept her apology, and she tried to accept that she couldn’t go home. She needed to figure out a plan--she needed to be out looking for work--but she couldn’t even think straight right now. 

When she walked into Sam’s parlor, he started to talk to her. “Teresa, where have you been? I wanted to see if you might want to go…”

She didn’t stop to hear his words. Perhaps that was rude of her to ignore him in his own home that he was kindly letting her stay in for the moment. She didn’t care. She took her shoes off and laid on her belly in the bed, letting her tears fall on the pillow. She wondered if she could just evaporate into thin air. She couldn’t disappoint anyone that way could she? Maybe she could see mama again. 

She had no idea how long she was like that. She felt her hair move behind her ear. Her eyelids felt like lead, but she willed them open. Sam was kneeling by the side of the bed. 

“I suppose you talked to your papa?”

Even though he looked at her with kind eyes, she didn’t have anything to say to him. Papa was right. She brought him into their home and shared family matters with him. That he disrespected her papa was her fault. She let that happen. Maybe if she had been less trusting of those kind eyes and let her papa make the decisions of the home, she would be with her family. 

“Teresa, I can’t say that I understand why he kicked you out because I can’t imagine doing anything like that to you or to any of my children. You’re so brave and strong, and it breaks my heart to see you so broken this way. Whatever he’s said to make you upset like this--I know you think it’s the truth. It’s not.”

“It is. I should have never entered into any agreement with you without his permission first. I let you in our lives to humiliate him in his own home.”

He shook his head. “I’m sorry you’re hurting, but I won’t apologize for standing up for you. I wouldn’t be a man if I didn’t. He knows he can bully and abuse his children like that, but I won’t stand for it. Did you see how weak he was when I stood up to him? He would never face a man that way. Hell, he was fine with me courting you when he thought I’d just give him whiskey and let him treat you however. I’d never treat you or your brothers that way.”

No, he probably wouldn’t. She believed that. “Tommy’s gone.”

“Where?”

“Papa said he took a job working the summer somewhere. He didn’t really say where. He said Tommy told him he was a worthless piece of shit before he took off.”

Sam scoffed. “He’s right, you know?”

“He didn’t even say goodbye to me. If I were home, he’d still be here.”

“For now. Tommy is a young man, and he wants to go off and start his life.”

“Why does papa think the worst of me? I wouldn’t abandon him. Why does he hate me? I did something wrong, but I can’t figure it out. I want to fix it, but I don’t know how. I just wanted to be a good daughter! I never spoke out of turn to him about anything, not the drinking or the bills or what we needed.”

“I know you didn’t.”

He picked up her hand and kissed her palm. She wasn’t angry with him. Not anymore, if she ever really was. He never stopped being kind or patient with her.

“Where was he?” He held onto her hand.

“Over at Gale Bertram’s.”

“Bertram’s?” She nodded her head. “And you went in there?”

“I did. I wanted to talk to him, to try to apologize and make things right so I could go home. He was already in his drink.”

“I bet. Teresa, I don’t want you over at Bertram’s, ok?”

She scoffed. “He called you my ‘new papa.’ I guess you are.”

He looked stricken. “I’m not your papa.”

“Well, you’re telling me where I can’t go. And you have to know I’m not good at respecting my papa.”

“I’m asking you not to go there for your own safety. If you need to go there, get me or Kimball to go down with you. I don’t want you there alone, even if you’re talking to your papa. And you were always a good daughter to him. You never did anything to him. He’s just a mean drunk. That’s all he is, and there’s not enough beatings or insults you could take from him that would change that. He’s going to die drinking. It’s what he wants. You were a good daughter to him. You are a good sister to your brothers.”

“If mama were here…”

“He’d just have a different target.”

“You don’t know that. He loved mama. When she died...it took everything from him.”

“I’m sure it did. I couldn’t imagine losing you, but he can’t use that to be as mean as he wants to everyone. He had an entire family to care for, and he just stopped. He became angry and violent. But you? You kept on getting up every day, sacrificing, and taking care of every little thing your family needed. That’s what he was supposed to do, even in his grief.”

There was a brief pause. “Teresa, I know he’s your father. You will care for as long as you both live--but you have an entire life to live on your own.” 

“Please don’t ask me to marry you right now. I’m not angry with you, but I will say no.”

He smiled sweetly. “I know. I want to give you time to work through your grief. I hope that you know I want you to stay here. My home is open to you. I’d like you to consider it your home, too.”

“It’s not proper. I need to find a place to go.”

“Teresa, are you afraid to be alone with me?”

“I’ve spent a lot of time alone with you, Sam. It’s why my father thinks I’m as good as a whore. Why would I be afraid of being alone with you?”

“You’re not any of the cute little ways your father found to call you that. If the idea of staying here distresses you so much, I can put you up in a boarding house. I’d love it if you stayed here. I like having you here. The way I see it is that if there’s a promise of marriage--you know, we agree that we will get married--there’s nothing improper about you being here. So I won’t ask you to marry me right now, but if we can promise that it’s something in our future, I don’t see any issue with you being here. Can we make that promise to each other?”

“You want me to promise myself to you?”

“Well, I was thinking we would both make the promise that we agree we intend to get engaged when the time is right.” She wasn’t entirely sure how this wasn’t a marriage proposal.

“Sam, what do you want with me? Look at me. Surely, you can do better.”

Without stopping to think, he responded to her question. “I want to spend my life with you because there’s not a single woman on this planet who’s better than Teresa Lisbon. I’m asking you to look forward to the future with me, not backward. I know you're upset right now. I want you to focus on your own future because he’s never going to put that drink down and give you the love and respect you deserve. But I will. I love you, and I want a family with you.”

She just stared into his kind eyes. She believed his words. Like Tommy said, she didn’t have a thing to say against him. He was honorable and decent. For some reason, he thought well of her. Besides, she was alone in the world now with nowhere else to go. What could it hurt?

“Sam Bosco, I promise that I intend to get engaged when the time is right.”

He kissed her hand. “And I promise the same, Teresa Lisbon. Welcome home. ”


	6. Generosity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ** Chapter 5 and 6 posted the same day, so please read chapter 5 first! **
> 
> So this chapter earns the E rating with some smut starting around 2/3 of the way into it FYI. Also, we have Patrick Jane's first appearance! Keep in mind that we are dealing with period typical attitudes/norms. More information in the end notes!

Early June 1927

“Teresa, I’d like to leave early tomorrow.” 

She looked at him from her book in curiosity. He never asked to leave for runs earlier. “Ok. Just let me know when I should be ready.”

“I’d like to leave before midday.” 

“That’s quite early. Should I make a basket?”

He shrugged his shoulders. “I know, but I thought we might go for a little stroll. It’s supposed to be a nice day, and it would be nice to spend a little time out of the city. We can eat at a restaurant.”

The next day, as he wanted, they left the city before midday. She stared out of the window nearly the whole way, watching the patches of green for as far as the eye can see. The expansive farmlands they passed were gorgeous. She felt like a child looking at the farm houses and wondering how people lived out here. When they were close enough to the lake, the size of it took her breath away. 

He parked in front of what looked like a new house in Saint Joseph, Michigan. He looked over and smiled at her before coming around to open her door. A few weeks ago, he drove them to the library. She hopped out of the car as soon as he parked. While he never minded when they were on runs in the middle of the night, he looked absolutely horrified in the light of day. After that, she learned to stay put and let him open it for her.

As they walked up the walkway, she took it all in. As they entered the house, Sam sought out a man doing some work in one of the rooms. She figured he was a business associate. From the inside and the outside, the house looked rather new. It didn’t even have furniture yet. She walked toward the back of the house and noticed that it faced the lake. There was a seated window overlooking the lake. Whoever owned this house had an amazing view! Looking out of the back window, she could see what felt like the ever expansive lake. Sam was right; it was much clearer from this side.

Sam came up behind her and placed his hands on her shoulders before kissing the top of her head. “You can go out if you want to. I’ll be out in just a little bit.”

She nodded as she walked out onto the beach front. She took her shoes off to feel the sand beneath her feet as she walked toward the lake. She realized a bit too late that she didn’t have a blanket, but that didn’t matter. She knelt in the sand anyway. It was so beautiful, and the breeze was a welcome change. She felt like she could really breathe. 

She heard the sounds of a child’s giggles and turned to her right to see two children younger than Jimmy’s age playing in the sand with a woman who looked to be their mother nearby. When she caught the blonde haired woman’s eye, they shared a smile. It brought to mind her own mama. She used to describe the beaches in the old country. She wondered if she’d ever seen one like this one. Would she like to be here with her? Or would she be disappointed in her daughter for the series of events that led her to be sitting on this beach?

While she was lost in thought, Sam sat next to her in the sand. She only realized he was there when he nudged her shoulder with his own. “Penny for your thoughts?”

“Oh. The lake is gorgeous, and the fresh air is nice.”

“Hmm. It is, isn’t it?” 

He handed her a parcel. “What’s this?”

“Well, it’s your birthday, so I assume it’s for you.” He looked at her playfully while she looked at him in confusion. “Open it.”

No one had remembered her birthday in years. In fact, she didn’t even celebrate it anymore. Mama used to make a chocolate cake for her each year and sing to her at supper. Now, it was just another day to remember what all she lost. She unwrapped it to find a key. “What does it open?”

“The house.”

She supposed she needed a key to the house since she lived there now. She didn’t have one, but she could always get in from the back. “Oh ok. Thank you.”

Now, Sam looked panicked and slightly disappointed. “That’s not the response I expected. You don’t like it?”

She shrugged. “Sam, your house is your house! It’s fine! Why would you ask me if I liked it?”

He chuckled. “I see. That’s not the key to our house. Well, not the one in the city.” He pointed behind them. “This is our lake house. I got it so we could get out of the city some. I know how much you’re always talking about seeing more of the outdoors and being in the open air. I thought we could spend more time here, if you’d like.”

She thought her jaw might hit the ground in shock. “You bought me a lake house for my birthday?”

He shrugged. “It was a good investment. I wanted to have somewhere for us to get away to.” He slid his hand onto her cheek, looking over her shoulder at the loud little giggles spurting out. He smiled. “Somewhere for us to have little adventures.”

“Adventures? You have your business.”

“I know, but I’ve talked to Kimball about helping me run the place. He’s got a head for business and a lot of respect in our neighborhood.” 

Kimball wasn’t from their neighborhood, and people said cruel things about him sometimes. Apparently, there had been some gang business some years back where he earned a great deal of respect so people didn’t tend to say anything too loud.

He tucked a piece of stray hair that had fallen out of place behind her ear. “Besides, I think my focus is changing.” 

“What do you mean?” 

He gazed past her shoulder once more. “I’m an established man. I have nothing to keep me away and no reason not to enjoy life. I’d like to focus on my family.”

“Oh. I see.” He bought another house for her. Last time he bought a house for her, he wanted to court her. Now, he was buying a house to marry her.

“I love you, Teresa.”

She just swallowed thickly and continued to kneel in the sand next to him quietly. He’d not brought up marriage in a month or so. He was giving her space because it was hard to come to terms with the fact that papa didn’t want her around. He bought this lake house because he wanted to get things back on track; he wanted a family. 

They sat out in the sand a while longer. It was a nice, breezy day, but when the sun set, it became a bit cool. He took her hand and helped her up from the sand. With her hand in his, he took her through the house, showing her each of the rooms, its features, and his plans for having furniture placed in the home, asking for her input about styles and how she thought they could use the space.

During their run, a terrible weight set in on her chest. She felt sick. Sam was a perfectly nice, respectful man. He was handsome and kind. He was good to her, always looking out for her. When he laughed, it seemed like he brought the whole world to joy. She was glad to be around him and see how he saw the world. Because of how he treated people, she was starting to understand why papa’s cruelty upset him so much.

He spent a lot of time and money trying to ensure her happiness. Sometimes, she wondered exactly how much money he had. She always chastised herself for thinking it because his finances were not her concern. He told her he loved her everyday, and he didn’t just say the words. He meant them. He wanted her to be his wife; he wanted children. Was she taking advantage of his generosity because she had nowhere else to go? He didn’t deserve to be hurt if she didn’t feel the same way.

When they got back to the bar after their run that night, she left to go toward the front of the house.

“Wait a second!” He took her hand and led her back to the bar. There was a chocolate cake sitting on the bartop, and Mark was hand cranking ice cream behind the bar. He pulled another item out of his pocket. She unwrapped the cloth to find an emerald necklace. 

“Happy birthday, my love!” He kissed the side of her head as her guilt set in.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
A week later, her stomach was a wreck. Nothing had ever been so clear in her life: Sam loved her. Instead of dragging this out and toying with his heart, it would be best to find somewhere to board and look for a job. It would be a tough road, but she would have to do it. She finally worked up the courage to talk to him one afternoon.

He was looking out of the front window when she approached him in the parlor. “You know, we should see if Jimmy wants to go out to the lake house with us for the Fourth of July.”

Jimmy and Sam had fallen into such an easy relationship that she didn’t quite understand. He liked having Jimmy around. Once Jimmy found out which house was Sam’s, he walked over to visit each day. As it was summer and there was no school, Sam had some project or activity for him to do most days.

Sam went to most of Jimmy’s ball games with her. She always felt the oddball at those little boys’ baseball games, but Jimmy always insisted she come along. At first, the sight of Sam Bosco at a children’s baseball game seemed peculiar, but the children loved seeing him. Every time he showed up, he pulled coins out of his pocket and called it “the fund for the future ballplayers of America.” Of course, it was for sweets. A few times, he bought a round of hot dogs for the kids. Sam encouraged Jimmy a lot. He would tell him what he did well and how he could improve—but he never chastised him or yelled at him for not getting something right. Sometimes, they worked on his swing while listening to a ball game. 

A few weeks back, Sam drove the three of them down to Wrigley Field to watch a game. She’d been here once with their parents and Tommy when they just opened the stadium, but this was Jimmy’s first game. He sat in wonder as he cheered the team on, declaring he would be playing for the Cubbies one day, too. Sam held her hand the whole time. 

Jimmy always stayed for supper. Indeed, they exchanged dishes each day. She would send him home with food for Stan and for the next morning, and he returned the dishes the next day. Apparently, Stan worked up the courage to approach a newspaper writer, and he was working as an apprentice for the summer. She was so proud of her little brother when he declared he wanted to be a writer. Before Jimmy left for home after supper each evening, he would curl up between her and Sam on the sofa for his bedtime story. 

Thinking of Sam and Jimmy’s relationship made this difficult because Jimmy looked up to Sam, but she knew she needed to talk to him before things got too far. Things were already too far! He would be crushed, but he didn’t deserve to have her taking advantage of him.

“Sam, can we talk?”

“Of course! We can always talk. What’s on your mind?”

She fidgeted with her hands. “Sam, you’re a very good man. You’re very decent and kind, but I think we should end this courtship. You’re sweet, but I…”

He closed the space between them and placed his hands on top of her shoulders. “What’s wrong, Teresa? Have I done something to upset you?”

“It’s just that...I know how you see me. You love me, but I don’t think I see you the same way. You do so much for me, and for Jimmy, but I think it’s cruel not to say anything and keep this going just because of my situation.”

He narrowed his eyes at her. “How do you see me?”

“More like an uncle or an older brother. Like I said, you’re very nice, and I’ve appreciated your care.” She thought of how papa had called him her “new papa.”

“I hope your brothers don’t treat you the way I do. I hope they don’t kiss you like that.”

She furrowed her eyebrows. “I don’t kiss my brothers!” 

He brought his hand down and tilted her chin up toward him. “Of course not! That was just a little humor to lighten things up. You look like you’re about to fall over. Why do you see me like a brother?”

She didn’t know what to say to him. “Well, you’re nice to me, and I don’t find you hard to be around at all. In fact, you’re fun and you have a nice personality. You’re very nice to Stan and Jimmy. I just...I don’t think I’m in love with you. And I don’t want to be cruel to you. I know how much you do to try to make me happy, and I appreciate it, but I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel about you. I don’t want to take advantage of your generosity. You deserve to be happy too.”

“Sweetheart, don’t give up on me just yet. When I look at you, I see a brave woman who’s so full of personality and knows how to care for everyone—but sometimes, she forgets to care for herself. Let me care for you. Love can grow between us, and until it does, I’m happy to carry that weight for the both of us. You’re not taking advantage of me.”

He caressed her cheek as she averted her eyes. Would she ever feel that way about him? 

“Teresa, I want to ask you something. I know you like when we do things like listen to music, go to ball games, dance, play checkers...you even liked the lake until you learned I bought us a house there. I noticed how you froze up. You’ve been a little off since then. Do you not like the house?”

“It’s a lovely house! I just feel like you’re buying things to make me happy, and if I don’t feel the same as you do, it’s cruel. Sam, I don’t want to hurt you. You’re very kind and patient.”

“And that’s just it. You aren’t hurting me. Something is making you feel conflicted about your feelings for me. You just told me in a roundabout way that you love me, but it seems like you’re afraid.”

She was momentarily winded. “No, I didn’t say that.”

He nodded his head. “You did. No one has ever said so many nice things about me while being afraid they’re cruel to me at the same time. I want to understand why it is that you like being around me but you have trouble seeing me as your husband. Are you afraid of our relationship?”

“I’m afraid you will put all of this time into me, and I will give you nothing in return.”

He smiled at her. “You’ve already given me a lot in return.”

“And I don’t understand that! You smile at me like I make you so happy, but I don’t know what I do! I feel terrible and ashamed that I don’t know what I do to make you feel that way. If I can’t give you that in return, isn’t that hurting you? I was so upset you tried to deceive me about courting me, but isn’t this me deceiving you?”

“You don’t know what you do to make me feel that way?” He scratched his beard.

“No, I don’t.”

“I think I might understand what your confusion is. Teresa, we share a bed, and I’ve given signals that I’m...interested in you. Do you think that because I’m older that I won’t be able to meet your more personal needs?”

“Personal needs?” 

“You know, your needs as a woman?”

“You’re a good provider! I wouldn’t say anything, except I understand your feelings for me. I don’t want to hurt you.” In addition to her birthday gifts, he also bought uniforms for Jimmy’s entire ball team.

He chuckled a bit before rubbing his beard. “You don’t even know what I’m talking about. Of course not. You’re a good Catholic girl.”

She considered his words. When she thought of how he mentioned her needs as a woman and her being a good Catholic girl, a wave of embarrassment washed over her as his words clicked. She gasped.

“You mean relations?” He nodded. “I’ve never thought about that!” Her voice was so high she practically squeaked, adding to her embarrassment. 

One day last week, she awoke with his arm draped over her breasts; she didn’t exactly make haste to get up. She had thoughts, and she touched herself sometimes. Once she touched herself after he kissed her and his beard made her feel very tingly. But she always kept anything like that at a minimum! It wasn’t proper, and it was all very private. 

He chuckled again. “Stop laughing! Why would you bring that up?”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to embarrass you. I suppose this is the difference in age. I know that you’re taught a bunch of things by nuns to the point that you’re ashamed of your own body, but you do know they don’t know what they’re talking about, right? They just want to scare you to make sure you’re chaste to find a good husband or whatever.”

“And I am.”

“I don’t doubt you. You’d never been kissed before me, but it’s natural, normal even, to have those thoughts and those desires. I’ve never touched you. I think that might be why you see me more like your brother than a man who desires you and wants you to be his wife.”

She could feel her face burning. “No. Of course not.” He was very polite and never touched her, and she wasn’t sure how she would respond if he tried. He was always very respectful, until this conversation.

He stared at her for a moment, taking her in. She was glad he couldn’t read her thoughts because no one ever needed to know the things she thought about when alone. “You know, you don’t have to put on for me, right?” 

Before she could respond, he kissed her deeply as he pulled her flush to his body. She wanted to pull away, but she had never felt anything with such intensity. Without breaking the kiss, he walked her back so that her back was against the wall. At some point, he slid his hand under her dress. She didn’t realize that until the touch of his fingers on the sensitive skin between her legs made her squeal.

“Sam, what are you doing?” As she pulled back from the kiss, he brought his lips to her neck and collar bone, continuing to rub between her legs. 

“Showing you exactly why I’m not your papa, your uncle, or your brother. I’m a man who loves and desires his woman.” He captured her lips again. She should push him away, but his touches felt pleasant, almost better than when she touched herself even. This must be why they talked so much about the “sins of the flesh” and how they happened so easily. 

After a few moments, he pulled out from the kiss, caressing her cheek as his other hand continued its task. She looked up into his eyes. She may not have experience with men, but she could read the mix of love and desire clouding over his eyes, demonstrating the truth of his words. It made her heart beat faster.

She had no idea what exactly emboldened her, but she brought her hand to his face, stroking his beard. He grinned as he kissed her palm. He really was a handsome man, especially when he smiled. Suddenly, his hand was gone and she wondered if she did something wrong. She didn’t have to wonder long because he lifted her in the air and found her lips again before carrying her to, and placing her on, the bed.

He whispered in her ear. “My Teresa, let me show you.” She nodded her head, not entirely sure what she was agreeing to let him show her and not entirely sure that mattered.

He pushed her bloomers down towards her ankles before bringing his hands and mouth to her again. She placed her hand on his chest, bunching his shirt in her hand. He stopped what he was doing and lifted his shirt over his head. She replaced her hand on his chest. She’d seen him bare chested before, but this was different. Right now, all she could think of was how strong he looked and how she wanted his hands back on her. 

Well, he was back and everything seemed more intense than before even. Almost involuntarily, her hips started to rock in his palm as her breath sharpened. He moved his head to the crook of her neck.

He whispered: “My beautiful Teresa. You’re so perfect. You make me happy. I love you, sweetheart.” 

Even though she believed he loved her, it felt so much different hearing it right now. Almost out of nowhere her eyes slammed shut as her hips sped up. If it was possible to see pleasure, she was seeing it as her already staggered breath gave way to an embarrassingly loud string of moans. 

He kept going, encouraging her even. “That’s it, sweetheart. Don’t be shy. Let me hear your beautiful song.” By the time she cried out, she felt completely spent. Abruptly, he pulled away and sat up like he was burned. “I, uh, I need to go...take care of something. You can stay here.”

On instinct, she got up on her knees, crawling to him and placing her hand on his shoulder. He twisted to look at her with that heavy look still in his eyes. He desired her, and he wanted her desire. She could do that. She framed his face with her hands and kissed him. As she deepened the kiss, he brought his arm around her waist. 

He broke their kiss and regarded her for a moment. That look in his eye was even stronger now. He brought his free hand up her thigh and started to lift her dress again. This time, he pulled it all the way over her head before he met her lips again and pulled them down to the bed.

To her surprise, he pulled back. “Did I do something wrong?”

His voice was a little different before. It was husky. “Not at all, sweetheart. You are absolutely perfect. I just want to look at your beautiful body.” He brought his hands to her brassiere and unfastened it, pulling it open. She was completely bare in front of him now. She gasped when he started to massage her breasts.

“Do you like the way I touch you, baby?”

“Yes!” Perhaps that was a bit too eager.

He smirked. “Good.” 

“I need to know if you’ll do something for me. You can say no, and I’ll leave. I won’t be angry, but I need to know now.” 

“What do you want me to do? I—I don’t want you to leave.”

His smirk turned to a genuine smile. “That’s good to hear. Your kisses and your song got me so worked up that I need you. I won’t hurt you. I just want to rub myself against your beautiful body. Will you let me?”

She nodded her head. He flipped her onto her side so that her back was to him. He started to pepper kisses onto her jaw and neck. Wrapping his arm around her belly, he pulled her into him, flesh to flesh. She felt his length hard against her backside. She should have been scared to death, screaming for him to get away. She should be embarrassed by her actions and ready to seek forgiveness--but she wasn’t. 

He leaned over her and met her eyes. “You’re not going to throw anything at me for touching your backside are you?”

She giggled. “I should’ve never told you that story!”

“I’m glad you did. It keeps me honest!” He started to stroke her cheek. “I mean it, baby: if you don’t like this, you can tell me to stop. You can always tell me to stop, and I will. I won’t hurt you.”

He called her “baby” again. She liked the way it sounded. When she responded, her voice was barely above a whisper. “Ok.” 

He started to grind his hips into her backside, letting his hand fall between her legs once more. She rocked in his palm harder than she did before.

When she brought her hips back into his, he slapped the headboard and groaned. “Teresa!”

“Did I hurt you?” She tried to lean forward to check on him, but he held her tightly in place.

“No, just keep doing that for me, baby. Rock your hips for me. That feels so good!”

She nodded as he continued to pepper kisses on her, whispering: “My sweet Teresa, you bring me so much joy, so much pleasure. I love you, my pretty Irish lass. I want you to be my wife. Mine. I love you. I love you.”

She was moaning again, but this time, so was he. His declarations had her seeing stars. He brought his shirt between them as he let out a series of grunts and groans before going completely still with his ragged breaths.

Slowly, she turned to face him. As he started to caress her cheek, she was ashamed to look at him. She didn’t dare look down, even in her curiosity. She’d already made enough of a spectacle of herself.

“Sam, I hope you don’t think I’m a wanton woman.”

He laughed. “Wanton? Is that some fancy word for acting like a normal woman?”

“I hope you know that I, well, I’ve never done that before. So I’m sorry.”

“Sweetheart, what are you even apologizing for?”

“The noises...my actions.”

“You have nothing to apologize for! I certainly enjoyed it! I hope you did, too.”

She blushed. She very much enjoyed it. “You don’t think less of me?”

“Why would I? You acted as a woman experiencing pleasure. That was the point.”

“Are you sure? I just don’t want you to think…”

“What? That you’re a bad girl. I know you’re not. You know, I’ve been with women before, right?”

“Sure.” Her face was red, but she wasn’t surprised. It was kind of expected that boys would go off and make themselves men. Girls were expected to keep pure until marriage. It didn’t make much sense to her.

“That came out wrong. I just meant that to say that you don’t have to be embarrassed. Women like this stuff as much as men. I don’t want you to feel shame for that, and you don’t have to keep staring at the wall. You can look at me.”

She smiled nervously as she met his eyes. He was grinning like a fool, which helped her nerves settle almost immediately. “There’s that beautiful smile! So I don’t still seem like a brother, do I?” 

He was teasing her, but she understood his question. He definitely was not like a brother.

“I suppose not. I would never carry on with one of my brothers like that.”

He chuckled. “I should certainly hope not!”

“Did that...count?” She wasn’t dense enough not to know what the carnal act was, but she didn’t know where this fell in the scheme of things.

“No. That’s a very specific act. We didn’t.”

She felt like she had. Wasn’t that the part where she cried out? “How do you know?”

“Because it only counts if you can make a baby from what you did. We didn’t do anything that can make a baby. There’s many ways to make love, sweetheart.” He placed his forehead on hers. “I am happy to show you all of them. I will worship my Saint Teresa as often she wants and in all of the ways she wants.” 

She swatted his chest, and he laughed. He draped his arm over her before he kissed her once more. She came to talk to him about not feeling the same way that he did, but maybe she did? She certainly desired him, as she felt the heat pooling in her belly again from his kiss. If she desired him, was that the love he felt for her? Was that how she was meant to feel about him? She fell asleep on his chest a few minutes later. 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

When she woke it was much later, he was gone. Seeing the time, she knew he was out back and she should go find him. When he saw her, he smiled at her like she was the only person in the room. She couldn’t help but return his smile. He had that effect sometimes. 

Like always, he tapped the seat next to him. As she slid in next to him, she nudged his shoulder with her own. 

“Did you have supper?”

“Not yet. I was waiting for you.”

“You could’ve woken me.”

“You needed your rest.” He winked at her. “Besides, there’s nothing interesting happening out here tonight.”

“Nothing interesting? It’s jazz night!” He smiled at that. Every once in a while, he put on a jazz night. He was naturally suspicious of anyone outside of the neighborhood, but he loved jazz. He played his jazz records more than anything, which is how she found her own love of jazz. 

Occasionally, he would seek out a singer or two to come and play at the bar. Usually, jazz nights brought in a little younger crowd along with the guys who just wanted to get drunk. Tonight, there was a new singer--a black woman who wore a red dress that dropped just below her knees, trimmed in black with a black neck tie, and painted red lips screamed refinement. Her hair was perfectly waved, making Teresa touch her own hair, wondering whether she should change it. Sam seemed to like her hair though. 

The upbeat jazz tune that the woman sang gave way to a slow ballad. Really, she had the voice of an angel as she started to croon “Someone to Watch Over Me.” 

“I like her.”

“Yeah? She’s good. Maybe we can get her back again before she passes through.” He laced their fingers together under the table, bringing their hands to rest inside of his thigh. He loved this song. When they were at home, he would sing it to her sometimes to remind her of their first dance. She swallowed a bit thickly when she recognized how calling Sam’s house her home came with such ease now.

“Passes through?”

“She’s traveling with some carnival circuit.”

She scoffed. “That woman on the stage is in the carnival? You could’ve fooled me!”

“I know. She’s very clean cut. I guess she just travels with them.”

“Huh. I like her even more.”

He smiled as he squeezed her hand. “Of course you do!”

After the song ended, another singer replaced her on stage. “Do you mind if I go chat with her for a bit? Then, I’ll go fix supper.”

He looked at her. She could tell he wanted to kiss her, but he never did that in public. “Don’t worry about supper. One of the boys brought a couple of pizzas. I’ll have them heat them up. Go talk to her.”

On her way out to the back room to see her, she stopped off at the bar. She’d been so quick to sit down that she didn’t grab her lemon water first. 

“Hey, Mike! How are you tonight?”

The young blond barkeep nodded at her. “I’m doing just fine. Do you want your usual, Miss Lisbon?”

She smiled politely. “You know it!” She tried to keep her interactions with the boys limited. She knew Sam didn’t mind her talking to them, but she also knew that while he took a cool approach with her, he scared them. She didn’t want to linger and make them uncomfortable, in fear of losing their work.

A young man not far from her spoke out. “I’d also like two lemon waters as well please!” No one else here ever ordered lemon water, so she turned to look at him in curiosity. 

“Two lemon waters? You should pace yourself.”

The man with golden curls turned to look at her wide eyed. He had eyes so blue that she imagined that’s what the ocean looked like. “Pace myself? This is what I call a good time!”

She laughed at that. Mike placed her water in front of her, she was off toward the backroom to talk to that incredible singer. Only, she noticed the young man from the bar wasn’t far behind her.

She stopped in her tracks. “Can I help you with something?”

“Uh, no. I’m carrying these waters just fine.”

“Why are you following me?”

He blinked rapidly. “I’m not. I’m headed toward the backroom. My friend, Madeleine, was just singing and she’s thirsty.”

“You’re friends with the lady who was singing?”

“I am.”

“I was headed back to meet her. She sounds so great! Can you introduce me?”

“I’d be happy to make introductions, Miss Lisbon. It’s nice to meet you. By the way, I’m Patrick Jane.”

“Likewise, Mr. Jane. Shall we?” She let him lead the way to the backroom. Even if she knew how to get there, it was nice to have someone to introduce them. 

As he entered the room, he handed her a glass of water. “Thank you, Patrick. Who is your friend?”

“Not my friend. This is Miss Lisbon, I believe she’s the owner of this establishment’s wife. Miss Lisbon, this is Madeleine Hightower.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Miss Lisbon.”

“Please, it’s Teresa. And likewise, Madeleine. But I’m not the owner’s wife.”

Patrick whistled from the corner of the room. “You know, for future reference, you should go with being his wife. It’s nicer than being called a kept woman.”

Her eyes shot open wide as she spun on her heels and the other woman gasped. “I beg your pardon?!”

“You know, the handholding, how he kept staring you down at the bar, that look after you know,” he shrugged suggestively before continuing, “and that stuff. Just trying to be helpful.”

“Patrick! You promised you wouldn’t do anything like this! Please apologize now! Miss Lisbon, I am so sorry he caused offense. He is just my driver.”

She was momentarily stunned. Of course, Sam was courting her, she had been living with him, and they’d been very intimate earlier--but there was no way he could know that! Almost on a reflex, she hurled her lemon water into his face.

“You scoundrel! How dare you even suggest something like that? I work here!”

He licked his lips while blinking his eyes a few times, bringing his sleeves to wipe his face. She thought to go get Sam and tell him what this Patrick Jane person had just said to her. He’d throw him out on his ass for sure! She thought better of it because Madeleine seemed perfectly nice and she didn’t want her thrown out on his account. 

He smirked. “Oh, I don’t doubt that you work. I never meant to cause offense, Miss Lisbon. It’s just that I can read people and situations really well. My read on you was that you are Mr. Bosco’s wife based on the attention he paid to you and how close you were at your table. That kind of attention is more than just a passing fancy for a young tart.”

“Great! I’ll keep that in mind!”

“Patrick, please! Just go! Again, Miss Lisbon, I am so sorry!” Madeleine looked like she could die from embarrassment.

“It’s not your fault, Madeleine. You can call me Teresa.” She pivoted a bit. “And you go to hell!” 

“Yeah, I’ll just go wait outside. I’ll be sure to stay out of your way, Miss Lisbon. I’m sorry.” With that, he excused himself.

“So your driver, huh?” To be sure, they were a peculiar duo.

“Yes, driving me crazy.” Both women laughed heartily at that. Madeleine smoothed down her dress. “He drives me when I have gigs in these types of establishments.”

“Oh! I know being in a bar is a little rough sometimes. I had never been inside of one until I started working here.”

The woman smiled politely as though there was something Teresa missed, but she didn’t exactly want to tell her what. “What is it?”

She swallowed thickly. “I meant, white owned establishments. It’s not always safe for me to go out to places alone.”

Her face went pale. “Oh. I’m sorry.” She wasn’t exactly sure what to say to that. A month or so before her mama died, there were horrible riots. Some people from the neighborhood were involved, and her mama said they would not be associated with people who carried on judging and killing people because of their skin color. 

“It’s not your fault, miss.” 

“Are you really in the carnival?”

Madeleine laughed. “I just travel with them! Mr. Jane is a performer. Somehow, we became fast friends when I started traveling with the circuit about three years ago.”

“Well, may I ask why you travel with them? You have such a lovely voice that I’m surprised you don’t have a proper singing job somewhere.”

“I had to leave home about three years ago, and the circuit was passing through. I fell in with them. They’re a rather accepting, open-minded group of people. It works. Sometimes, I perform at their shows when we are in places like Chicago. Other times, I find outside singing jobs or help out wherever I can.”

“Do you know how long you will be here in Chicago?”

“I think we are here for another few weeks or so.”

“We’ll have to get you to come back for another jazz night! You are so talented. I love your voice, and I’m sure Mr. Bosco does as well.” 

Certainly, Sam would have her back because he liked good jazz music. When she returned to the table, he was smiling at her again.

“Did you have fun talking to her?”

“She’s very lovely! I love her singing.” She didn’t tell him about that unfortunate incident with her driver. He’d be angry. 

“Yeah, do you want her to come back?”

She looked at him in curiosity. “I have no say in the matters of your business, Sam.”

He chuckled softly. “I’m asking you if you want her to come back. And it’s our business.”

“Our business?”

He nodded. “Teresa, everything I have, including my body, is yours. If you want her back, we’ll have her back.” 

She blushed slightly. She looked around before proceeding in a whisper. “Your body?”

He flashed her mischievous grin. “You weren’t planning for that to be the only time, were you?” 

“You know, I don’t really have anything besides my body. It’s probably an unfair trade for you, but does that mean it’s yours?”

“Only if you’re so inclined, sweetheart. And believe me: it’s an excellent trade!” 

They both laughed as she linked their hands together under the table this time. “I’d like to have her back.” Sam booked her two more times on the spot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't take sex ed lessons from Sam Bosco--or anyone else--in this fic lol. So much of that section of this chapter was about these internal conflicts between a religious upbringing, desire, and other feelings. As someone recently pointed out on Twitter, Lisbon is not a prude in canon. That's true here, too! This is a version of Lisbon who's 20 years old and from a strict religious upbringing in the 1920s. There wasn't a dearth of easily available reproductive education, especially for young, unmarried women when people believed having such information would lead to promiscuity. 
> 
> And we met Jane! He will be back. I had Jane and Hightower link up for a few reasons. Mostly, I knew I wanted Hightower in the story from the first inception of this idea. She's one of my favorite characters of the series. However, it's a hard sell as to why a black woman is floating freely about an Irish-American neighborhood, at night, in Chicago in the 1920s. There was a lot of race/interethnic strife at that time (which I forgot to mention--the Minnelli comments in chapter 1 draw upon). The riots mentioned in the story took place in 1919. When discussing this with a friend of mine, she suggested maybe I have her find a white person who could "give her a pass." A blond haired, blue eyed male driver might do the trick. In canon, Jane and Hightower did have a relatively good relationship working together (Red Gold and Red Queen especially), so I figured why not!


	7. Carnival

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!

June 1927

By the following Saturday, Jimmy had caught wind that the carnival was in town. During mass, he kept getting her attention to ask if they could go to the carnival. 

“Jimmy, that’s not a conversation for right now!” 

She continued sitting with her brothers during the service. Sam sat with them when he attended. Afterward, Jimmy and Stan usually came home with her for supper. On Saturdays, she made quick suppers that she could easily prepare before she and Sam would have to go on a run. 

At first, she feared Sam would mind the boys being at the house so often, but he only kissed her sweetly and told her: “Teresa, your brothers are always welcome here! If they ever want to stay, that’s fine too.”

She got the potato salad out of the ice box and sat the plate full of ham salad sandwiches down in the center of the table next to the lemonade. She also had a bit of potato candy out. Sam really liked that, so she tried to keep it on hand. 

Jimmy reached for the sandwiches. “Jimmy! Not yet. Wait for Sam to sit down!” 

“Come on! I’m hungry!”

“James Matthew Lisbon! Where are your manners? You wait for the head of the household to sit down before you eat!” Another rule that as a boy who would grow into a man, he’d never have to really worry about. Still, he needed to respect that he was in Sam’s home. 

Sam walked into the kitchen, obviously overhearing Jimmy’s antics. He grinned at her baby brother and ruffled his hair. “I’m here now! I wouldn’t want to starve any growing young men.”

As they ate, Sam asked Stan about his week and planned to listen to a ball game with both boys one day this week.

“Sam, did you know the carnival is in town?”

“Jimmy heard about the carnival and hasn’t shut up since.” Stan rolled his eyes, clearly tired of hearing their baby brother talk about this.

“I had heard there’s a carnival here.”

“Can we go tomorrow with T? Papa says your arrangement takes all of her time, but can we have her back for the day?”

She started to respond, but he intervened. “That’s not true. Your sister always has time for you, and you’re always welcome here. You know that!”

“So can we go to the carnival?”

Stan sighed. “I don't want to go.”

“You don’t have to go, Stan.”

She looked at Sam, and he just shrugged his shoulders. “I’m with Stan. It’s not something I like to do. But why don’t you drive you and Jimmy down there?”

She nodded. “Sounds good to me.”

“Yes! Thanks, Sam!” 

He reached over and ruffled his hair again. “Anytime!”

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sam decided to drive tonight. After dinner, they dropped the boys at home before getting off to their rendezvous point. Once they were a little out of the city, she moved over to the middle of the seat, sitting close enough for their knees to touch. He picked her hand up and kissed it. 

“You made Jimmy’s entire year at dinner.”

He laughed. “I doubt that. He’s a boy. He’ll find something else that will make his year by next week. Just give him time.”

“You might be right, but he was so happy. I love to see him happy.” 

“Just like I love seeing you happy.” He threaded their arms together so that he could still shift with them linked.

“Hmm. If you weren’t driving the car right now, I might kiss you.”

“Oh?” Suddenly, the car swerved and he slammed on the brakes. “It would seem I’ve stopped the car.”

She giggled. “I remember saying ‘might.’”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Teresa. Now, come on. I’ll happily take my kiss.”

“Turn the car off.” He made a scoffing noise, but he did it anyway. She wasn’t sure why she spoke to him with such authority, or why he obliged her, but she rode that wave of confidence as she brought one of her knees over his lap and came up to straddle him.

He grunted softly as she placed her arms around his shoulders. She kissed his left cheek. Then, she kissed his right cheek. “You’re handsome.”

He laughed softly. “Sweetheart, are you teasing me?” 

“No. You tell me I’m beautiful all the time, but I’ve never told you that I think you’re handsome.” She could see his eyes shine under the moonlight as she captured his lips. He deepened their kiss. She wasn’t entirely sure why she did it, but she started to rock her hips. He placed his hands on her hips to still them. “Hold onto that thought for when we get home.”

She flashed him a mischievous grin. “What if I don’t want to wait until we get home?” 

“I hate to discourage you on this, I really do, but we have to get this shipment. I don’t want to get out of this car looking like the boy that you make me feel.” He grinned as he placed a kiss on her lips and prompted her to take the seat next to him, continuing along their journey with their arms linked together. 

She was a little embarrassed by her actions. That was so brazen. Thankfully, he had another line of conversation. 

“You know, I’m thinking about getting a new automobile.”

“Really? What’s wrong with this one?”

“Nothing. I just thought that since you’re such a good driver now, maybe we could double our haul up. Besides, we will need a second car for the bar if we decide we want to take off some time.”

“Aww. Tired of me already, Sam?” She was teasing, but he glared at her before he placed his hand on her thigh.

“I could be with you for 100 years and still never be tired of you.” She blushed. “Would you be ok driving alone?”

“If you want me to, yes.”

“Ok. I’ll think more about it.”

Things were smooth with the run. Once the boys were unloading the shipment, he took her hand and led her up to the front house, locking the door behind them. He immediately turned to face her and placed his hand on her cheek.

“Can I have a dance with you?”

She smiled. “Of course!”

He put on one of his softer jazz records before grabbing her and holding her close. “So you don’t think I’m too old to be handsome?”

“What?”

He chuckled softly. “That was a little humor. But you do think I’m handsome?”

She paused for a moment. “You have kind eyes.”

“Kind eyes? Hmm. I’ve never heard that before.”

“And your beard is very soft. It gives you a gentle appearance.”

“Do you think I’m gentle?”

She wasn’t entirely sure how to answer the question. “Yes. You’re a kind man. You’re very nice to me...and to my brothers.”

“Because you deserve kindness and love. Your brothers are good boys.”

“You don’t hurt me.”

“No. I would never. You don’t deserve that. Only love.”

There was a period of silence between them as they swayed to the music. She looked up to meet his eyes. “Sam?”

“What is it, sweetheart?”

“Why do you think I’m beautiful?” She didn’t believe herself to be ugly, but she also wasn’t sure why he said it so often.

“Apart from your eyes that look like home, pretty smile, and firm, heavy teats?” She blushed a bit as she laughed. 

He definitely appreciated her breasts. After they touched, he asked to start sleeping bare. Apparently, he only slept clothed for her benefit. Now, he wanted to sleep more comfortable again—and he asked her to join him. She was nervous at first, but then, she realized that Sam was asking her. He wouldn’t hurt her. So she joined him—and each morning woke to some type of contact on her breasts. She didn’t mind.

“Well, I love how you love people. You’re very brave. And how you talk about things that make you passionate, like your books. I think that’s beautiful.”

She recalled how he didn’t even know how to read when he used to stop by to collect papa’s debts. Yet, he still listened to her prattle on about her books because apparently, he liked hearing her speak passionately about them.

“That’s sweet, Sammy.”

He chuckled, bringing one hand up to scratch his beard.

“So Sammy, huh?”

“What? Has no one called you that before? Do you not like it?”

“Well, not since I was around Jimmy’s age. My mama used to call me that sometimes.”

“Oh.” His mama who disappeared when he was a boy. “I won’t call you that again.”

“No, sweetheart. I like it. It sounds lovely when you say it. Call me Sammy, but maybe not in front of everyone because if I hear that from near anyone else, I might knock their teeth in.”

They both laughed before his lips met hers. “Sammy would like to worship his Saint Teresa now.”

She blushed deeply. “I don’t know if you should say that.” Considering the acts involved, it felt especially shameful.

He laughed as he took her hand in his and led them to their bedroom. As shameful as it felt when he’d said it, his head buried between her thighs until her legs shook certainly felt like worship. 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

After getting a few hours of sleep, she was more than rested to take Jimmy to the carnival. He was so excited for the day that he was at their house before she was even awake. She drove them out to the outskirts of town where the carnival was set up. The whole way out, Jimmy never stopped talking about the elephants. 

They walked around and visited a bunch of different booths. Then, she saw a portrait of Madeleine sat out in front of a tent. She would be performing today! After some snacks, she coaxed Jimmy into going to this one thing she wanted to do.

Madeleine performed several songs. Some jazz, some that sounded like they were hymns from church. Whatever she sang, she sounded amazing. She projected talent and confidence that Teresa wished she had. At the end of the show, they waited at the back of the tent, hoping to say hello. Luckily, she caught up with her.

“Miss Hightower!” The other woman looked over in her direction.

“Miss Lisbon, is that you?”

“Yes! We were visiting today. When I saw you perform, I knew I just had to stop and say hello!”

“I’m glad you did! And who’s this? Is this your son?”

She was a little startled like she was anytime anyone asked her that question. She’d raised Jimmy since he was a newborn, but she wasn’t his mother. When he learned to talk, he started calling her “mama,” and she kept correcting him. Once, papa heard it, and he became so angry that half of her face was swollen for a week. She had to send Tommy to the bakery to tell them she was sick. Jimmy struggled with her name, but she eventually got him to say part of her name (T) and to understand that their mama went to heaven. What she didn’t tell him was their mama died bringing him into the world—and he wasn’t quite old enough to understand that yet. 

Before she could answer, a man’s voice interrupted her. “Of course not! That’s her brother.”

She looked behind her and found none other than Patrick Jane dressed in some ridiculously colorful get up. “And how do you know that?”

“He looks like you, but you’re too young to be his mother...and I heard him call you by your name earlier.”

“Oh! So you’ve been spying on me.” This Mr. Jane was incredibly annoying, and frankly, odd.

He raised his hands in surrender. “I was only hoping I could apologize for our last meeting.”

Jimmy raised his eyebrows in suspicion and puffed out his chest. She noticed it was something he did almost anytime he saw a man near her. Sam joked that he was just glad he met Jimmy at mass and before he perfected his swing. “I’m James Lisbon. Who are you?”

“I’m Patrick Jane. I work here.”

Jimmy’s eyes lit up. “You work at the carnival?”

“I do! I’m a psychic.” He winked at her as he moved his hands in the air like he was unveiling something. “The Boy Wonder! Well, I need to change my name now. I’m not really a boy anymore.”

“I don’t think psychics are real.”

“Ah, well, young Jimmy, it just depends on if you got the right one. See, I can tell you what your sister is thinking right now.”

“What’s she thinking?”

Now, Mr. Jane furrowed his brow. “Well, she’s thinking I wish this strange man would be quiet...and something about my clothes, but I’m not entirely sure what.”

That brought a deep blush to her face as Madeleine cleared her throat. 

“Is that what you’re thinking, T?”

“It’s definitely what I’m thinking about this strange man being quiet.”

Jimmy shrugged in disinterest. “Do you know where the elephants are?”

Madeleine and Patrick both laughed at his question. “Of course! Do you want me to take you to them?”

“You can take us to them?”

“I can! I can probably even see if we can get you on top of one if you want.”

“Please! Take us to the elephants!” She had no idea where this fascination with elephants came from so suddenly, but she was happy that he was happy. 

“Ok, if you two would follow me. Madeleine, are you coming?”

“No, I have to go prepare for another job tonight. Don’t forget I need you to drive me!”

“You’ve got it!”

They followed Mr. Jane deep into a sea of tents. As she looked around, she realized this must be where the performers lived. After walking a while, but earning no complaints from Jimmy, their effort paid off. 

“Hey Pete!”

“Paddy! Oh. You have guests?”

“This is Miss Lisbon and her brother Jimmy. Jimmy has quite the interest in elephants, and I was wondering if, as a personal favor to me, we could let him see Ella and maybe get on her.”

The older man grinned. “For a personal favor from you? Absolutely! Come on, Jimmy.”

Jimmy was practically skipping to the elephant. Mr. Jane hung back with her.

“I wanted to apologize to you….”

“You did. Several times.”

“I know, but I also wanted to thank you.”

“Thank me?”

“For being so quiet about what I did and not making Madeleine suffer for it. It’s just I forget how to be a normal person sometimes is all.”

“I’m sure it’s perfectly normal to pass judgment on other people that you’ve only just met!”

He scoffed. “Point taken. I was just a little off balance.”

“A little off balance?”

“Well, I noticed you when you walked into that bar. You’re beautiful.” That brought heat to her cheeks. “But then, I saw the exchange of smiles between you and Mr. Bosco. It’s a secret language of lovers.”

“We’re not!” Well, they were, but her affairs were none of his concern! It was a lot for him to presume, and she wasn’t sure why she felt the need to explain anything to this stranger. 

“You don’t owe me an explanation at all!” He paused and ran his hand through his hair. “I thought you were smiling at me like that at first until I saw him.” 

She raised her eyebrows and started laughing. “Why would you think I was smiling at you?”

For a brief moment, she felt guilty as a brief look of hurt swept across his face until he spoke again. “A lot of women smile at me. It’s due to my boyish charm.” He rubbed his chin to play up his boyish features.

“You’re really full of yourself, aren’t you?”

“You know, as a pretend psychic, I have lots of tools for talking to women like yourself. They all failed me when I figured out…”

“Don’t say it! What do you mean women like me?”

“Beautiful, but strong-willed, women.” 

“Now, you’re just using sweet words so that I’m not mad at you.”

He smiled a bit. “That’s only half true. You are beautiful, and I can sense you are very stubborn. You aren’t like most women I speak to.”

“What kind of women are you speaking to?” 

“The kind who are easily impressed by surface level charm. I don’t get the sense that’s you. Even if Mr. Bosco has a little money, I don’t think that’s how he charmed you.”

She blanched a bit. Would people think that because she was younger than Sam, she was after him for money? He pursued her! Even if he liked buying her gifts, Sam’s money didn’t make him kind and loving. “You like to assume a lot about strangers.”

“It’s kind of my thing. I can sense little details that tell me a lot more than words can. I don’t talk to the dead, I just sense what the living need to hear. But I’m sensing I’ve upset you again.”

“How dare you openly flaunt that you’re a fraud, while judging other people?” 

“I wasn’t passing judgment! I was just saying I think you’re not easily impressed. Take the compliment, woman! And I’m not a fraud!”

“Well, I don’t want your backhanded compliments!”

“So what does a girl want to hear?”

She rolled her eyes. “Probably not your assessment on my affairs!”

“Fair enough. Again, I’m sorry and thanks for not involving Madeleine. If I’m disturbing you, I can leave.”

Huffing in frustration, she just folded her arms in front of her and looked away from him. She hadn’t had a fight like that since she was at school. She had a temper that years of being around papa and having to work for wages made her good at keeping in check, but this Patrick Jane pushed every single one of her buttons! 

“I didn’t say anything because I think Madeleine is very talented. Sam--Mr. Bosco--would’ve pounced on you for sure and probably kicked her out too. She’s very lovely and a talented singer. You’re lucky to travel with her.”

“Yeah, I’m glad she’s with us. She’s the first singer we ever took on and part of that is because of her sister, Sam. She’s been with us for a long time.”

“How long have you been here?”

“I was born on the circuit! Somewhere out in Nevada, I think.”

“That’s a long ways away from here!”

“We move around a lot.”

“So you don’t have a home?”

He laughed as he held his arms out to his side. “I do! You’re in it!”

“But not an actual house?”

“Nah that’s just an attachment that I don’t need. Besides, why be confined by walls when you have the entire world around you?”

She smiled at that. “I’ve always wanted to travel, but I don’t think I’ll ever leave this city.” 

“Oh come on! You’ve left the city before, haven’t you?”

She debated whether or not to tell him. However, it seemed when he wasn’t jabbing all of your nerves, he had the kind of smile that made you trust someone. “When I go on runs with Mr. Bosco, we go into Michigan. It’s usually at night though, but I just saw the lake for the first time.”

“So that’s what your job is then? I would’ve never pegged you as a bootlegger. You seem like someone with a head on their shoulders--well, not the kind for criminal activity--and a strong moral compass.”

She laughed at that. “It’s funny how it’s criminal activity, and we are the criminals. I see lots of cops and politicians every day at the bar. Some even purchase private stock from Mr. Bosco.”

He laughed. “That doesn’t surprise me one bit. Laws for us don’t apply to people in power. So you can drive the car fast and lead the coppers on wild chases? Huh. Would have never guessed it. You look too sweet to be involved in anything like that, but I suppose it makes sense.”

“What makes sense?”

“Why he’s so deeply in love with you. He’s a barkeeper who found a nice looking, sweet woman who is into his business. She likes to live a bit on the wild side, but she’s also very respectable. It suits his need to run a criminal enterprise while also looking the respectable businessman within the community. You must be his dream come true.”

How did this conversation end up back here? “Not that it’s any of your concern, but he is respectable. He’s a good man! While you stand in judgment again, what about your own misdeeds?”

“Pardon?”

“Oh don’t tell me that you don’t take money from people in pain by promising them healing while you just pull something out of thin air!”

He nodded. “I know what I am. I’ve broken no laws!”

“Maybe not, but you’ve probably broken a lot of hearts. Doesn’t that bother you?” He averted his eyes. “And why do you care so much about me or Mr. Bosco?”

He shrugged. “No reason.” His reaction was peculiar, but after that, they stood in silence until Pete was lifting Jimmy off of Ella. 

“Thanks, Mr. Pete and Mr. Jane! T, this was so awesome!” 

“I’m glad you enjoyed yourself, James.”

“My friends call me Jimmy. Since you took me to Ella, I guess we’re friends, so it’s Jimmy!” Even if she weren’t entirely sure she’d extend such courtesy to Mr. Jane, she smiled at her outgoing baby brother.

“Well, all right, Jimmy! If you’re ready, I will walk you guys back out front.” 

Mr. Jane escorted them out to the main area, mostly looking at the ground as they walked. She felt a bit bad. After being upset at his judgment, she judged him. 

“T, can I get a funnel cake to take home?”

“Sure.” She gave him some coins to go purchase the delicacy.

Jane stood there as Jimmy took off for his funnel cake. “Look, Mr. Jane…”

“You can call me Patrick, you know.”

“Patrick, I’m sorry for being so judgmental.”

“You have no need to apologize. You called a spade a spade, really. I’ve just never had anyone see through me that quick...or ever really. I just wanted to make your acquaintance, and I did a terrible job at it. I’m sorry that I’ve upset you.”

“Well, it was nice meeting you, Patrick. I look forward to seeing you if you accompany Madeleine again. I hope we get off on a better foot.”

He grinned. “Me too.”

Jimmy was back. She needed to get home to make supper because he was already exhausted. After saying their goodbyes, she drove them home. All through supper, Jimmy detailed the carnival and the time he spent on Ella the elephant. Not at all to her surprise, he immediately began asking when they could go again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wonder what it could be that has Jane acting that way...


	8. Open Sky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Posted on the same day as chapter 7, so please be sure to read that first! There's some smut in this chapter about 2/3 way in.

July 1927

They planned to spend the Fourth of July at their lake house. Sam wanted to make a whole weekend out of it. Sending Wayne on the Saturday run in the second car he purchased, they drove up to Saint Joseph on Friday. She didn’t complain because she loved the fresh air, and it was already so hot in the city that she was ready to get out. 

She was only sad that Jimmy chose not to join them. He wanted to stay with Stan, who was picnicking with the family of a girl from his class. Her boys were growing up so fast! Before they left, she made sure there was food in their ice box for the boys to come take.

On Friday, when they arrived, the house looked a little different than when they were here last. Sam had the furniture he talked about delivered, so it looked like a fully lived in home. He truly meant for it to be their home away from home.

When they got there, she saw the same blonde haired woman from before out on the beach with her children. She waved at her, which prompted the woman to come over, carrying her infant.

She smiled as the woman approached. “Hello, I’m sorry I didn’t introduce myself before. I’m Susan Miller!”

She extended a hand to the smiling woman. “I’m Teresa! It’s nice to meet you!”

“I’m sorry I didn’t make introductions before when you and your husband were here.” Without allowing her face to slip, she swallowed thickly hearing the woman calling Sam her husband. 

She thought she should correct Susan, but she wasn’t sure that it mattered. After all, it would be scandalous for an unmarried woman to be here with a man like this. Even if she and Sam understood their arrangement, the entire world did not. Besides, they were practically married. She didn’t linger on that thought too much.

“Yes, we are back for the holiday.”

“Great!” The baby started to gurgle, getting her mother’s attention. She smiled so brightly at her daughter like nothing else in the world mattered. She smiled watching their interaction, making a little face at the baby. She used to do that to Stan and Jimmy to get their attention. The little girl reached out for her. “Oh! It looks like she would like to meet you, Teresa! Would you like to hold her?”

“Sure!” Susan placed the little blue eyed girl in her arms. She held her in front of her and continued making those little faces. She spoke to the little girl in a high pitched voice, making her giggle. “Hi, baby! You look so sweet! What’s your name?”

“This is Mary. She’s just about seven months old now.” She looked around. “Where are your children?”

Suddenly, she remembered the little rag doll that she used to carry everywhere when she was a little girl, mimicking how mama took care of Stan. Mama praised how well she cared for her baby. She even learned to care for Stan to help mama. Mama told her: “You’ll make a good mama one day, little Teresa.” She smiled so big when mama said that because she wanted to be just like her. Though, when Jimmy came, mama wasn’t there to provide encouraging words, just papa screaming at her to make the damn baby be quiet. 

She felt sad for a moment, before reflecting on the beautiful baby girl smiling up at her. Babies didn’t know how cruel the world could be sometimes. Indeed, they were blank slates with the opportunity to learn joy or grief. Instead of focusing on her grief, she chose joy. She returned the little girl’s smile.

“Oh, we don’t have any yet.”

The woman flashed her a knowing smile. “Don’t worry! They will come, and they will come quickly! I have four little ones of my own. Are you and Mr….”

“Bosco.” The little girl grabbed mama’s cross in her fist. “Oh no, baby! You can’t take that!”

“Are you and Mr. Bosco recently married?”

“We are.” She turned to see Sam had approached while she was playing with the little girl. 

“It’s nice to meet you Mr. Bosco. I’m Mrs. Miller. We will have to have you and Mrs. Bosco over for supper some time!” It felt strange to go from introducing herself as Teresa to now being called Mrs. Bosco when Sam appeared. Was she meant to just disappear?

She smiled at the woman’s generosity. “We would love that.” Sam’s recent appearance startled the little girl, making her fussy, so she handed her back to her mother.

“Well, I should get back and see what my other children are up to. If they’re quiet for too long, that’s bad news! It was nice meeting you, Mrs. Bosco.”

“Likewise.” The woman walked away, and she turned on her heel to see Sam grinning at her. “What?”

“Nothing.”

She stopped in her tracks. “What is it?”

“I just...I came out to find you, and I saw you holding that baby and talking to her. It made me smile when I thought if that’s how you would look like holding our baby.”

She leaned into his shoulder. “Sam, we’ve not done anything to make a baby.”

“I know that, sweetheart. I just meant in the future.” He took her hand and smiled at her, eliciting a smile of her own.

“She was a delightful baby.” Maybe babies brought joy, too.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

For most of the afternoon, she and Sam sat out on the patio. The beach was so lively with families all along the beach. Though, she didn’t mind the noise of people enjoying the beach. It was a different kind of noise than the bustle of the city, and they were out in the open air. 

“I guess we all had the same idea, huh?” Sam laughed as he wiped the sweat from his forehead. 

“It would seem so.” She couldn’t get over how gorgeous and expansive the lake was.

“Can you swim?”

“Not really. I haven’t tried since I was child.”

“Want to go for a dip? I’ll go in with you.”

She shrugged her shoulders. “Sure!”

“Go get your swimsuit on.”

She frowned. That would be a problem. “I don’t have one.”

“Yes, you do. It’s in our closet.”

“Oh?”

“I had a few things delivered here for you. I thought you might like to have a swimsuit and a few dresses for lounging in the summer weather here.”

She smiled. “Thank you.” She kissed his cheek before going to get changed. She still felt perplexed by his gifts, but he was very thoughtful.

Though, looking at herself in the swimsuit, she was half scandalized. The shorts came above her knees and the little skirt around the bottom did not provide much more coverage. She did love the emerald green color, and it was nice. She thought about it for a moment. Sam purchased it for her, and it’s not like she was accountable to her papa’s wishes since he kicked her out. They weren’t in Chicago. Who would see her?

She met him in their parlor, where he was now wearing his swimsuit. He was staring at her. “Should I go change?”

“Absolutely not.” 

She smiled nervously. “Then, why are you staring?”

“I’m taking in how beautiful you are.” He pulled her into an embrace and kissed her deeply. Sometimes, she didn’t understand how he still reacted like he’d never seen her before. By now, he’d seen every inch of her body!

After the kiss, he took her hand, and they walked out to the lakeshore. There were a few soft waves brushing in over the sand. She looked at him, uncertain whether she should go in.

He squeezed her hand and smiled. “Don’t worry. We’ll go in together. Just hold onto my hand. Are you ready?”

“As I’ll ever be.”

They walked in, up to their legs at first. The water was cool and felt nice in the heat and humidity of the day. He kept their hands clasped and moved to hold her from behind. “Now, we’ll go out a little further. It might start to drop off. Don’t panic. Just hold onto me.”

She squeezed his hand. “Ok.”

They continued moving out, and within a few steps, she could no longer feel the sand beneath her feet. The loss of the ground took her breath away, but Sam held her up. “I’ve got you. Just start paddling your feet.”

She held on tightly and did what he told her. “Do you want me to let you go so you can try paddling on your own?”

She wanted to say yes, but her bravery failed her when a wave brushed into her, moving her body involuntarily. She was terrified! “No! No, please don’t let me go!”

“Don’t worry. I’ll never let you go.” His voice was very calm but assertive as he held her tightly in his grip with their hands still linked. He was talking about much more than this moment in the lake, and she wasn’t sure she opposed that idea anymore. They waded there in the lake a bit longer, until the sun was low in the sky. 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The next morning, she woke before Sam. Her first thought was to go relieve her bladder and start breakfast, but then she caught a glance of Sam. She’d have to unwind from his arms to get up. They’d fallen asleep facing each other. Even in his sleep, he had that look of joy etched on his face that he got whenever he saw her. It made her smile. Perhaps it was vain, but she wondered if he dreamed about her. Staying here a little longer wouldn’t hurt. 

At breakfast, he was a little quiet, reserved even. “What would you like to do today, sweetheart?”

She shrugged. “I have no idea. Do you want to swim again?”

He smirked. “Maybe later. How about we walk out to the lighthouse? I was thinking maybe we could go out into the countryside later. I’d like to do some shooting.”

“Shooting? You have a gun?”

He laughed. “I have several. I always keep at least one in the car.”

She wrinkled her nose. “Why?”

“For protection. Though, I suppose if we start spending more time out here, I could take up hunting.”

“Have you ever been hunting?”

“Once. I don’t suppose you’ve ever been.”

“No. Have you ever shot anyone?”

“I suppose so.” He never talked about it for his own reasons, but she knew he fought in the Great War like papa. He lost his brother there. Papa said that any man worth his salt who could go, went to the war because it’s what men did. She was young, but she knew it was also when he first got the taste for drink. He never drank before he came back from the war. When mama died a year later, it was downhill from there. 

She wanted to ask Sam about the war, but the look on his face made her think better of that. “Do you think I can learn to shoot?”

“I think you’re more than able to shoot.”

“Will you teach me?”

“I did say I’d teach you whatever you wanted to learn. I guess I’ve been doing a lot of teaching lately. I don’t see why learning something outside of the bedroom would hurt.”

“Sammy!” She tossed a piece of her cold bread at him as he laughed.

“You just have to promise not to get mad at me and shoot me.”

“Only if you keep saying things like that!”

“Just a little humor.” He caressed her cheek. “I know you wouldn’t actually do that.”

Once they finished eating, she cleaned the kitchen as he read from the paper. Since he learned to read, he liked reading the paper to her. After, they went for their walk. The red and white lighthouse was incredible! They said sometimes the waves were so high out there that they engulfed the lighthouse. She couldn’t imagine what a sight that must be! 

Out at the lighthouse, a man was taking photos. When Sam spotted him, he offered him money to take their photo in front of the lighthouse. After giving him their address so the photograph could be delivered later, they were off. She packed a basket of food they could carry out to the countryside with them because Sam planned to stay out there for quite some time. 

When they were far enough out, Sam parked the car. He grabbed the basket and his gun after opening her door. They walked for a bit until they found a good spot where they could pitch the blanket and shoot. 

He picked a tree that they could shoot at. He’d brought some board, like the kind for darts, to shoot. He shot first, showing her how to properly hold the rifle and take aim. When he handed her the rifle, she thought her first shot might blow her over. But Sam stood off to her side, holding her waist, so she stayed upright. By her third shot, she was shooting near as good as Sam. He placed his hands on her waist, kissed her cheek, and called her a natural.

When they sat down, she giggled.

“What is it?”

“You love walking around the middle of nowhere to find places to shoot, but you get upset when I want to walk around the corner at home.”

“It’s different out here. Besides, you like running off alone.”

She shrugged. “What’s going to happen to me in the neighborhood?”

“I don’t know. Maybe nothing, but that doesn’t mean I don’t like ensuring your safety myself.”

“I can take care of myself.”

“I’ve never doubted that you have had to take care of yourself and your brothers, but there are people in this world with evil intentions. And now, you’ve got me to take care of you.”

“If you say so, but I don’t think I could ever live thinking people are just out to hurt me.”

He chuckled as he wrapped his arm around her waist. “And you won’t have to because I’ve got you covered.” He kissed her. She felt self-conscious at first, especially being out in the open like this. He never kissed her in public, but she supposed they were in the middle of nowhere. He deepened the kiss, pulling her closer to him. 

He ended their kiss to whisper in her ear. “You know what I’d like to do? I’d like to put you against that tree and worship you. Touch you until you sing your beautiful song for me. Would you let me do that?” She felt the heat pool in her belly.

“Maybe we could later when we get back to the house.” 

He started stroking her cheek. “Come on, sweetheart. No one is out here but us. You always say how much you love the fresh air.”

“What if there’s someone else out here?”

“There’s not.”

“A tree doesn’t seem very comfortable.”

“Fair enough. Does this blanket suit you?”

She smirked. “I suppose so, but you’re sure there’s no one else out here?”

“I’m pretty sure. If someone comes strolling by, I’ll cover you.” He tapped the blanket for her to lie down. He lifted her dress over her head and pulled her bloomers down. He pushed his own slacks to his ankles and settled in behind her. His hand quickly found her center as he started to kiss her neck and shoulders and move behind her. She liked when their pleasure came at the same time. 

She was facing a field of wildflowers between the trees. They were so wonderfully colorful as they floated in the slight breeze. When she turned her head up just slightly, she could see the huge white clouds floating over the clear blue sky. It was beautiful, romantic even, like those old paintings of heaven. She thought of all of the adventures she wanted to have under open skies like these. Maybe it was time to start a new adventure. 

She leaned forward on her elbow, away from his kisses. “Sammy?”

“What is it, sweetheart? Are you ok?” She lifted his hand off of her as she rolled over to face him. She was quiet for a moment taking in his look of confusion.

“Are you going to marry me?”

He laughed nervously. “I think I’ve been clear that that’s my intent. I’ve brought it up before and was hoping my chances might fare a bit better tomorrow night.”

“Tomorrow night?”

“Yeah, during the fireworks show.” A blush crept over his face.

“Why don’t you just ask me now?”

“Now?” She nodded at him.

He reached down to his slacks and brought a golden ring out of his pocket. “Teresa, will you marry me?”

“Yes.”

He smiled bigger than she’d ever seen him smile as his voice cracked. “You will?”

She smiled before he kissed her. “I will.” 

He slid the golden ring with a diamond in it on her finger. It was a beautiful ring. Maybe one of the best gifts he’d given her yet. She looked at her hand for a moment before returning her attention to Sam, who was just gazing at her with love in his eyes. 

“Sam, I hope you don’t think poorly of me for what I’m about to say.” 

He tensed up a bit. “I would never think poorly of you, my love.”

“I’m glad to we’re here. I’m happy to be here with you. It’s very romantic and sweet.”

“But?”

She bit her lip before just blurting the words out before she lost all courage. “I want you to make love to me—the kind where you can make a baby.”

He blinked rapidly. “You want to make a baby right here?”

She lost her nerve and her words just started sputtering out. “I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t even be talking like that. Just forget I said it. I’m sorry.”

Suddenly, he laughed. It was just a soft laugh, but it came from deep in his belly. “Teresa, among other things, I just proposed to you with my slacks down around my ankles! Do you think I found any shame in your request? Nah, I was just thinking about how only my Teresa would suddenly need me to stop making love to her to ask me to ask her to marry me—so she could tell me she wants to make a baby under the open sky!” 

She was in a deep blush now. “That’s not exactly what happened.”

“It practically is.” His laughter continued, and she felt a bit more embarrassed each passing second. He reached for her. “Come here. I should’ve known my Teresa would tell me exactly when she was ready. You know I’ll always give you what you want. And this—it’s something I want too, but I need you to understand something. If we do this, I need your promise that we will marry within the month. If you wish to wait longer to marry, and I really hope you don’t because I want you to be my wife as soon as possible, I would say we can’t do what you want to do. I won’t have you floating around heavy with my child and unmarried. There’s no reason for that.”

“I can agree.”

“Once I have you, I doubt I will ever want to stop.” She didn’t doubt him. Since they first started their explorations, they touched each other most days except for when she had her courses. She didn’t see how this would be any different.

“Do you mean we could be here a while?”

“Well, we can be here as long as you want. It seems you really like that notion.” He laughed again, and this time she let out a soft giggle. “I hope we continue to take pleasure in each other and that you want me as much as I want you because sweetheart, I want you very much. More than just the carnal act, I want you to know I love you and will always take care of you. I'll do my best to provide for you and give you everything you want. I don’t want you to be ashamed of your desires or needs. I want you to be brave and tell me exactly what you need. I love you, Teresa, and I hope you never see me or our marriage as some duty that’s imposed upon you.”

“You’re not a duty to me, Sam.”

His lips found hers. As they kissed, she placed her hands beneath his shirt to touch his chest. She really liked his chest. It was already slick with sweat from the heat, but she didn’t mind. Rolling over on top of her and kneeling between her legs, he removed his shirt over his head and unfastened her brassiere before he continued kissing her.

He placed his hands on her thighs, pulling them apart. “My beautiful Teresa.” He was touching her sensitive spot and kissing her. She already felt ready to combust as she let out breathy sighs.

“Are you ready for me, baby? Do you want all of me?”

“Yes, Sammy.”

“Good because I want you more than anything, my love. Can you relax for me?”

She nodded and did her best to relax even if she was nervous. She heard this part was incredibly painful. She felt him at her entrance and started to tense a bit. He touched her sensitive spot once more as he pushed inside of her. That wasn’t so bad.

She found his eyes staring into her own. “How are you doing, sweetheart? Are you ok?”

“Mmmmhmmm.”

“Ok, good. I’m going to start moving my hips. When you’re ready, you can move yours too. Just like we always do.” 

He started moving his hips, thrusting into her. At first, she felt a strange sensation as the pressure built with his movements. About the fourth or fifth time he did it, the strange sensation was replaced with the start of the feeling of pleasure she’d come to know. After a few more thrusts, she was moaning in deep pleasure with each of his movements. And so was he. She squeezed his shoulders as she fell over the edge. When she opened her eyes, she stared at the open sky holding the promise of this adventure. She’d never seen anything so beautiful! He followed suit soon after. 

As he rolled off of her, he brought her into his side. She realized too late that she was so nervous about her request for him to make love to her, that she’d never said what she meant to say first. “I love you, Sammy.”

His eyes glistened. “I love you too, Teresa. The sky really is beautiful, isn’t it?”

“It is.”

“So why today?”

“Hmm?”

“Why did you want me to ask you today?”

She wasn’t ashamed to say it, but she felt a bit silly. “Because of how you sleep.”

“Do I sleep a special way?”

“You had this big grin on your face this morning. Whatever you dreamed of made you very happy, and I wondered if it was me. I stayed in bed for an hour longer just so I could watch that grin because it made me happy. You told me you bought the lake house so we could have little adventures, and when we got out here...I knew it was time for our adventure to begin because I love you. I--I’ve never said it, and I meant to say that before we started.”

He kissed her lips softly. “It’s ok. I already knew you loved me, sweetheart. While I can’t say I remember what I dreamed, you make me happy. You have for so long. I love you, Teresa. My priority from now is making sure you’re happy.”

“You do.”

“And since my wife just told me she wants to make a baby, I think we should stick with those efforts!”

“I still don’t think that’s what I said!” She laughed at him as he rolled her over. When they finished, they fixed their clothing and lay together on that blanket, kissing and cuddling, until the stars were high in the sky. 

When they arrived back at the lake house, they stripped bare and made love again. The next morning, he encouraged her to straddle his hips like she had tried to do in the car that night, only now, there were no clothes between them. Just their bodies. The pleasure felt so great that she wasn’t sure she would get enough. Why did people talk about such a powerful sensation like something that was so dirty and shameful? 

“Thank you, sweetheart.” 

“For what?” As she lay there trying to still her breaths in his arms, she was unsure if this was something you normally thanked someone for.

“Putting me out of my misery. My nerves were getting all out of whack thinking about waiting until tonight and wondering if you’d say yes.”

She put her hand on his face, and he kissed her palm. “Well, I did. I’m your problem now!”

She laughed, but his face went rigid. “Don’t say that.”

“It was just humor.”

“I know you meant it that way, but it’s how your father speaks of you. You’re not a problem or an inconvenience. You’re a wonderful woman. I’m lucky to be the man who calls you his wife, and I’m lucky to get to start a family with you. I want you here with me because I love everything about you. Even at our hard times, I still love you.”

She looked into his kind eyes. After everything he’d done for her, he truly believed he was the lucky one. “And I love you.”

When she took a bath later that morning, everything came crashing down. She realized she bled during their lovemaking. Sam didn’t hurt her. Was that supposed to happen? Did that mean she was expecting? If she didn’t know these things, was she ready for any of this? Did she make a mistake? The realization that she didn’t know what she was doing made her eyes water. For not the first time, she selfishly wished mama were here to guide her through these things--if she weren’t disappointed in her. That’s when her soft sobs began. When Sam found her crying in the bathtub, he knelt by her side to comfort her.

“I don’t know if we made a baby. Am I supposed to know already? Am I already a bad mother? I don’t know how any of this actually works, apart from terrible advice from the nuns!”

She determined Sam was right. The nuns really didn’t know what they were talking about. She expected that love making, especially when they’d not officially taken vows in front of the priest yet, would lead to her being split apart in excruciating pain. Yet, Sam was very tender and made her feel very good. 

He smiled at her, pushing a wet strand of hair out of her face. “I think we have time before we know anything of the sort, and I’d never think you a bad mother. Jimmy didn’t come from your body, but you’re his mama. He’s a good boy because of your love and care. Just relax and enjoy your bath. Don’t worry about the future of the Bosco family today!”

He kissed the top of her head and left her to her bath. A few hours later, she felt incredibly foolish. Maybe she could get a book from the library when they got home. Surely, this information was in a book! 

That night, she sat in the sand with Sam. He wrapped his arms around her and intertwined their fingers, touching her ring, as they shared a glass of whiskey and watched the fireworks. The next morning, they returned to their Chicago home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The idea of grief (and trauma) left unchecked is definitely a thread throughout this story, and it's really in your face early in the next chapter. Similar to canon, no one helped these children grieve and heal. The oldest child (Teresa) stepped up and started managing the younger siblings and their alcoholic father. Grief and trauma take a toll on even the strongest, even if they manage to seem put together.
> 
> Also, the same note about sex/sex ed from chapter 6 applies here. And I promise we've not seen the last of Jane ;)


	9. Ferris Wheel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first part of this chapter is emotionally heavy. It deals heavily with grief and trauma. CW: child abuse and maternal death. But Teresa and Jimmy end up at the carnival again, so yay?

Mid-July 1927

As soon as they returned to Chicago, they began preparations for their wedding. The following week, the day she hoped would never come finally happened. Jimmy came running into their house. She heard him calling for her before she saw him, and from his voice she knew something was wrong.

“Teresa!”

“Jimmy! Wait right there! What happened?” Sam stopped him in the parlor. After a morning with her Sammy, she was in the bath. When she heard Jimmy’s breathy sobs as he cried out “I want Teresa,” she dressed quickly. 

When she got to the parlor, she clasped her hands over her mouth. As soon as Jimmy saw her, he ran to her and clasped his hands around her waist. He had a split lip and a red welt around his eye that would surely turn black. Sam came walking out of the kitchen with a cold cloth. 

“Here, hold this over that eye, son.” He pressed the cloth to her baby brother’s eye, prompting him to take it.

She rubbed the back of his head. “Jimmy, what happened?”

“Papa said he hates me cause I killed mama! And I told him that’s not true and that she went to heaven when I was a baby. Then, he hit me for sassing him and killing mama!” He started crying again. “That’s not true, is it, T?”

She didn’t know what to say. Their mother had died giving birth to him, but he was too young to understand that. He certainly didn’t kill her!

“Why don’t you sit down?” Sam ushered them to the sofa. Jimmy grabbed her dress and continued to cry into it. Sam knelt down in front of Jimmy and placed his hand on the boy’s back. Jimmy recoiled at the touch, and she closed her eyes. Sam must have noticed that because he placed his hand on top of hers to comfort her. Papa had the belt out before he decided to just use his fists on her seven year old brother instead. 

Unlike Stan, who was always so scared to talk or do anything, or Tommy, who was just always angry, Jimmy had a tender heart—and their papa always yelled at him to be a man. 

She was afraid she might start crying if she spoke. She blamed herself in part. If she had been there, maybe he would have hit her instead of Jimmy. Maybe he wouldn’t have said those horrible things to him. 

Sam sighed. “That’s not true, son. You didn’t kill your mother.”

“But how do you know?” 

“Because it happens sometimes. Sometimes, women go into their confinement and they don't come out.” 

Jimmy looked at her with his one clean eye. “What’s a confinement?”

“It’s when a woman goes to have a baby.” When Sam spoke to Jimmy, it was with tenderness. He wasn’t angry that he cried or asked the questions of a child. 

“But mama died when I was a baby.”

She finally found the words to say. Maybe she should’ve told him before. Maybe papa’s words wouldn’t have hurt so much if she had. “Jimmy, she died when she was giving birth to you.”

“But how?” 

“Just like everyone else, you came from mama’s body. It’s a whole process that you’ll know more about later. It’s very messy, and sometimes, mamas can’t survive it for one reason or another. The doctor said you turned around, and they tried to get you the right way. She lost a lot of blood.” 

She paused for a moment, lost in a blank stare. For as long as she lived, she would never forget those screams that turned to whimpers to silence as time wore on. Perhaps she should’ve thought better about wanting to have children of her own. 

But Jimmy needed her now, so she pushed that back down before she continued. “Sometimes, the babies don’t survive it either. But you survived, Jimmy!”

He was quiet for a moment. “So I did kill mama.”

“No, you didn’t kill her. It’s a natural process.”

“Then, why didn’t I die with her? I wish I would’ve gone to heaven with her.”

“Don’t talk like that, Jimmy.” It broke her heart to hear her baby brother, the one who was so full of life and spirit, speak like that. 

“Is that why no one wants me around? It’s because I killed mama! Everybody would be happier if I didn’t exist.”

“That’s not true, Jimmy! I wouldn’t be happier.” She scratched his ear. “You make me happy.”

“But you’re not even home anymore! And Tommy’s gone now. Stan doesn’t want me around.” Jimmy looked up to Stan a lot. He tried to be his shadow sometimes. And when Stan was in the mood, they could be a troublesome duo.

“I see you every day! I always have time for you.”

Sam intervened. “And you will stay here from now on.”

She looked at him in curiosity as Jimmy looked at her. “Really?”

“Yeah, I'm gonna go have a long talk with your papa, and you and Stan are going to come stay here with us. We’ll get a couple of mattresses put upstairs. I want you to stay here with Teresa while I go get Stan and some of your stuff from the house.”

Jimmy just nodded as he curled back into her side. About an hour or so later, Sam returned with Stan and their belongings. Stan looked stunned when he hugged her upon entering their home, but she was glad her boys were home with her now. 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

That evening, Sam had the mattresses for the boys delivered that evening. She asked him once why he had such a large house with so few furnishings. He told her that one person only needed so much furniture. The next day, he had set out a Sears and Roebuck catalogue and told her to order whatever furnishings she thought they would need.

Supper was interesting. 

“Which bed do you want, T?”

Sam laughed. “First night, and you’re already trying to steal her away from me?”

“I always sleep with T!”

“Jimmy, I have my own bed in Sam’s room. You and Stan sleep upstairs, but I will come and read to you before bed.”

“Why does Sam get to keep you in his room? We’ve always stayed together!”

Stan coughed. At 13, he was a young man and understood better why she lived with Sam. Well, other than papa kicking her out onto the streets—he understood why men and women shared a bed.

“Jimmy, you just have to sleep upstairs with me! You can’t sleep with Teresa anymore. She’s laid up with Sam.”

She choked on her sip of lemonade. “Stan, please don’t say that.”

“Well, it’s what papa said.”

“That’s not a polite thing to say.”

“What does laid up mean?” Apparently, they cleared it up for Stan but not Jimmy. 

“It means she sleeps with him like she’s his wife.”

“Like his wife? How’s that different than when we sleep together?”

She met Sam’s eyes in exasperation when Stan declared: “They make babies!”

Jimmy started to weep. “No! T is never having babies! Sam, please don’t make babies with my sister! I don’t want her to leave us!” Sam looked as though he might laugh if he didn’t understand exactly where Jimmy’s new found anxiety over babies came from.

“Jimmy, I might have a baby one day. It’s what women do.” And what she’d chosen to do with Sam. 

“Teresa, you said you’d never leave me! You promised! You can’t have babies and leave me like mama!”

Anger flashed across Stan’s face. “Shut up! You don’t even know mama!”

“Stan!” She shook her head and whispered. “No!”

“I’m sorry I killed her. Please don’t hate me, Stan!”

Stan’s eyes watered, but he’d gotten enough “be a man” punches from papa to not let his tears fall over. “I don’t hate you, Jimmy. I’m sorry. But why did she have to go? Everything was better before she left.” 

She touched his face. Mama doted on Stan so much because he was the baby before Jimmy. He was never the same after she died. 

“Stan, I don’t know why she had to go. None of us do.” He looked down at his plate, pushing his food around with his fork.

Sam exhaled sharply. “Boys, one way or another, we all leave this world. That’s why we should try to enjoy life and be kind, so that when we leave this world, the ones we leave behind remember us for the good times. Jimmy, babies keep the world going round! Some day, you’ll grow up and marry a woman. She’ll have your babies. Sometimes, mamas die giving life, but not always. I went to the war. I came home, but some guys didn’t. It’s a thing of life. Teresa isn't going to die just because she has a baby, but we are all going to die some day. And Stan, stop saying that about your sister. Do you even understand what that means?”

“It’s like when a man and woman live together like husband and wife but they’re not. I thought that’s why papa said it because you’re not married.”

“Your papa says a lot of cruel things for whatever reason. The first rule of this house is that we don’t say, or do, cruel things. Saying your sister is laid up with me implies she’s an immoral woman. Do you understand what that means?”

“She’s doing something that we learn in church you’re not supposed to do.”

“That’s right. And she hasn’t. She shares my bed because she’s my wife. We might be saying the words in two weeks for the public, but we’ve already made the promise to each other. When you’re old enough to understand what that means, you will. I don’t want to hear you using that phrase again, especially not about your sister. It is not respectful.”

“Yes, sir.”

“It’s just Sam. We’re brothers now.”

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

After she got the boys settled, Sam pulled her into his arms and held her. “Forgive me, sweetheart.”

“For what?”

“I lost my temper when I saw Jimmy’s injuries. A child doesn’t deserve to be beaten like that. He didn’t deserve any of that.”

She sighed. “He’s too little to understand. I was older than he is now when it happened, and I didn’t understand. I still don’t. I just remember her screams that got softer until they were whimpers, and then, there was silence. They brought Jimmy out and told us she was gone. Papa took off right away, so they put Jimmy in my arms. Tommy stood next to me while I tried to calm Jimmy. He was wailing for mama because he was hungry. Eventually, they sent for Mrs. Sullivan down the street so she could feed him. We stood there and watched as they took her out.”

Sam rubbed her back as her tears started to fall. “And Stan. He was so little he wasn’t even five yet. When mama went into confinement, she convinced him it was a game of hide and seek. She told him she would come out with his little brother or sister for him to watch over. Until the wake, he was convinced she was just hiding. When he saw her, he asked why we were all watching mama sleep. He started screaming for her to wake up—and we all wanted her to wake up—but he was too little to understand that she wouldn’t wake up. Tommy had to take him outside because he started to upset Jimmy. Papa ignored Jimmy, and for a while, so did Stan until Tommy reminded him mama wanted him to watch over his little brother. I don’t think papa ever held Jimmy.”

Sam just watched with sad eyes as he continued to rub her back. “You were all just children. You took on an entire family, and you were a child lost in grief.”

“I wish I were there so that he would’ve hit me instead of Jimmy. I could have drawn his rage, and he wouldn’t have said that to Jimmy. He doesn’t understand.”

“And that wouldn’t have been right either! Like I told that son of a bitch, if he wanted to fight so bad, he should find a man to knock him on his ass.”

She looked at him in curiosity as she wiped her eyes. “So what did you do?”

“Let’s just say that come tomorrow, him and Jimmy will have matching bruises.” Her first instinct was to gasp in horror and ask how he could disrespect papa so. But that thought quickly evaporated when she remembered Jimmy saying he wished he didn’t exist. 

Without saying a word, she stood and went to the kitchen. Turning on the tap, she prepared a cold cloth. As he held her in his lap and she pressed that cold cloth to his hand, she recalled papa’s taunts about Sam not being able to act like a man. She knew more than enough now to understand his implication was that Sam couldn’t make love to her for one reason or another. That was far from the truth. 

One morning as they laid together, she was curious about why he had such an intense desire for her that he never expressed before. “Why did you never touch me before?”

“Were you ready for that?”

“I don’t know, but I was here alone all the time. You had so much opportunity to do what you wanted to me.”

“Your happiness is so much more important to me than trying to prove I’m a man. Any man who would take advantage like that is the lowest kind of man. Besides, I never needed to prove I’m a man. I only needed to show you that I loved you, and that I’m the kind of man you could trust and love. If I had done anything like that, we wouldn’t have what we share now.” He kissed the side of her head.

She knew now that acting like a man was far beyond the act of lovemaking. No, Sam would never hurt her or anyone else just because he could. Sam was honorable, kind, and decent. He was tender and didn’t believe in cruelty. He knew how to love and care. Sam’s way of acting like a man made her love him. 

That night, Sam held her as she cried. She cried her tears of grief for her mama, for her brothers who never really got to know her, for her brothers who never got to know a papa who wasn’t miserable, for Tommy, for herself. No one held her to allow her to grieve her mama; there was no time for that. She had a family to care for. She still did, but now, Sam cared for her.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

A week later, Jimmy asked to go to the carnival again. Both she and Sam felt so bad for what papa had said that they agreed she would take him again. Though, she wished she hadn’t. It was hotter than hell. 

“I hope we get to see Ella again!”

“I can’t make any promises, Jimmy.”

Sam let her take his car once again. He was taking Kimball with him on tonight’s run.

Walking through the tents, she stopped when she saw the Boy Wonder had a show going on. They’d bickered the last time she saw him. She knew even he didn’t believe himself a real psychic, but she was still curious about his performance. 

“T, let’s find Ella!”

“Ok, but I want to see this show.” He sighed in frustration. “I can go by myself! I’ll come meet you here when I’m done!”

Before she could say absolutely not because she didn’t want to be here all day and night and she didn’t really remember how to get back to Ella, Jimmy had run off. She just shrugged and entered the tent. Front and center was Patrick Jane. He had a woman on stage, claiming he was talking to her dead grandmother. While she knew it was crap, she was glad Jimmy wasn’t here. Even if he knew psychics weren’t real, he might try to get him to commune with mama.

She watched the man with golden curls work. There were lots of women of all ages here. She imagined that had a lot to do with Boy Wonder’s boyish good looks. When he spotted her in the audience, his face fell slightly. He looked almost ashamed, but once again, as soon as she registered the look, he winked at her and found another audience member to talk to. He was so strange. 

She stayed through the end of his show. As crying women poured out of the tent, she went out around back and waited for him.

“Ah! Miss Lisbon, how did I know I’d find you back here?”

“I don’t know.” She tapped her fingers on her chin. “Is it because you’re a psychic?” He laughed at that.

“Please. You have to let a man run his hustles honestly.”

“That seems like two words that don’t really go together. And you can just call me Teresa.”

He shrugged his shoulders. “Meh. What can I say? What brings you by here again, Teresa?”

“My brother, who’s run off to find Ella.”

“Ah! So what are you doing?”

“Absolutely nothing.”

“Well, I’ve shown you where the elephant is. Would you like to see more behind the scenes?”

“Sure! Is Madeleine around?”

“She’s not singing today. Her daughter is sick.”

“She has a daughter?”

He nodded. “And a son. I can take you to see her if you want.”

He started walking, and almost on instinct, she started following him. 

“So I noticed you’re wearing a nice new ring.”

She smiled. “I am.”

“So Mr. Bosco finally got the courage to—no, you finally accepted, didn’t you?”

“How do you know that?” She didn’t really want to have this conversation again, but she was curious as to how he knew that.

“He wears his heart on his sleeve. You, however, are more recessive in your passions. You were still on the fence about marrying him until recently.”

“Yes.”

“Well, congratulations on finally coming around, I suppose.”

“Thanks. I think.”

Their first stop was Madeleine’s family tent. “Hey, Madeleine. I’m here with Teresa Lisbon. Do you want to come out and say hello?”

She poked her head out. “Sure, but please keep your voices down.”

“Hello, Miss Lisbon.” The woman before her was dressed less flashy than she’d ever seen her. Today, she was dressed simply. Today, she was a mother. 

“Madeleine, it’s just Teresa! How are you?” 

“I can’t complain. My Mimi is sick, but kids, you know?”

She nodded her head. “I just wanted to stop in and say hello! You’ll be singing at Sam’s tomorrow, right?”

“I will.”

“Paddy!” A young man in overalls approached them. “Can you come help me move these crates really quick?”

“Sure thing, Danny! Teresa, I’ll be back.”

“So what brings you by here again? Is it Jimmy?”

She nodded her head. “He’s run off to find Ella again.”

The other woman laughed knowingly. “Well, come on in.”

“Would you like some water?”

“Yes, please!” Madeleine dipped some water out of her jug and into a cup for her. “Thank you.”

“So engaged or married already?”

She blushed. “Engaged.”

“Are you excited about it?”

That question threw her for a moment. Madeleine was the first person to ask her how she felt about marrying Sam. “I think so. I don’t really know how you’re supposed to feel about marriage.” She still hadn’t quite figured that out. 

Madeleine flashed her a knowing smile. Even without her flashy attire, she was still a beauty. “That’s because it’s something we are supposed to do. Are you at least happy with him?”

She blushed. “I am.” She was quite happy about the things she’d learned about her body since accepting his proposal. 

Madeleine laughed as she adjusted her head scarf. “And not to speak out of turn, but I know what that blush means. Before you try to correct me, I’ve been married and have two children. I know how these things work. From your blush, I can tell I don’t have to say anything about making sure your needs are met.”

Her blush deepened before she realized Madeleine was the perfect person to talk to. “You know how it works...could I ask you something?” 

“Of course!”

“How do you know if you’re expecting? Like how long does it take to know?”

She flashed a knowing smile. “That’s a complicated question. Some women say they just know the moment it happens because they feel different. They call it intuition. Other women don’t know for a month or two. A good way to figure it out is to track your courses. If your courses don’t come and you’ve been intimate with a man, it’s likely you’re expecting.” 

“I see. Do...do you know if it takes a certain number of times?”

“I think it only takes once, but you don’t really know when it takes. Do you think you’re expecting?”

“I...I don’t really know. Maybe? Probably not?” Her deep blush returned. “I probably shouldn’t be talking about this.”

Madeleine tapped her hand. “Honey, we are both women here. What’s on your mind?”

“To be clear, we didn’t do anything until we were engaged, which is acceptable!” Well, according to how she and Sam saw things. She learned he interpreted rules a bit loosely sometimes, but it always made sense in the end. Madeleine cocked one of her eyebrows at her, like she saw right through her. 

“Oh. Who am I kidding? I didn’t really seem important at the time whether it was acceptable.” That earned a grin from Madeleine. “I didn’t think much about it, until the next morning when I realized I knew nothing about how anything actually worked. Then, I started to worry if I was supposed to know that I was expecting the moment it happened.”

Madeleine giggled. “I was similar with my Richard. I was afraid I’d already let my child down. It was two years after we married before Mimi came.”

“Where is your husband?”

Madeleine’s smile faded. “He died three years ago. We ended up traveling with the circuit not long after that.”

“I’m so sorry, Madeleine.”

She shrugged. “I miss him every day, and I think of how our children will grow up without him.”

“It’s hard growing up without a parent. Was there an accident?”

“Miss Lisbon, we are both women--but we are from different worlds. Your husband gets to decide if someone who looks like me gets to sing in his bar; my husband got to decide if going to town for medicine for our sick baby and coming back after dark was worth it.”

She’d read about this kind of thing in the papers. She didn’t think it was real, especially that people could just get away with it. Though, she realized that Sam paid cops not to arrest him, so it was possible. How could someone just kill another person for simply walking on the road? She didn’t know what to say, so she stayed quiet as she just took Madeleine’s hand. They sat there quietly for a few moments.

“Do you know about other clubs and bars in Chicago, Miss Lisbon?”

“Not a lot, but I could ask Sam. Are you thinking of staying on in Chicago?”

“I am! I’d like to get the children permanently settled again.”

She smiled at the other woman. “Well, if you do, be sure to keep in touch!” Madeleine returned her smile.

“Teresa, Madeleine! I’m back!”

The little girl started to stir. “I should go. Thank you for talking to me, Madeleine. I’ll see you tomorrow night?”

“God willing!”

She continued walking the grounds with Patrick, until they got to where Ella was. Unsurprisingly, Jimmy was right there talking to Pete.

“You think he might join us? Pete would probably take him on to tend the animals.” The grin on his face made it clear he was joking.

She smiled. “And he would probably send him right back.”

“What crazy thing did you want to do when you were a kid?”

“I don’t know. Be a kid?” She spoke harshly before she realized her words came out.

“Be a kid? Never wanted to run away to the carnival or anything like that? Just wanted to be a kid?”

She shrugged. “My mama died giving birth to Jimmy when I was 12. I had to quit school. From the time he was an infant, I raised him, took care of my other two brothers, and managed our household. Never really had any help with them until Sam.”

“Oh. I’m sorry your parents died.”

“My mama died. My papa...”

“I see. If you could choose a crazy thing to do now, what would it be?”

“I don’t know. Maybe be one of those girls who dances in competitions?”

He raised his eyebrows. “Do you even dance?”

She laughed. “I guess not! I just didn’t have a better answer.” That wasn’t entirely true. She loved when Sam grabbed her and danced with her around the parlor. 

“That’s fair.”

“You know, I used to want to go on adventures to different places like in all of the books I read.”

“That’s a good one.”

“How about you?”

“It’s going to sound silly, but I’d go to school.”

“You didn’t go to school?”

“Nah. I picked up reading and arithmetic here and there. I wonder what it’s like to be around other people your own age.”

“I used to wonder that a lot too. When I quit school, and eventually found work, there weren’t really people my age around.”

“Is that how you met Mr. Bosco?”

She glared at him for a moment. “No, I met him through work. I did actually work for him.”

“That was a lie.” She raised her eyebrows, as he put his hands up in surrender. “I’m sorry. That was too direct.”

She sighed. “I went to work for him—but he wanted to court me.”

“Oh, which is why it took you so long to accept his proposal. You weren’t really sure about making it official until he charmed you into it?”

She folded her arms. “No.”

“But he won your heart? You know people will write songs about you.”

She wasn’t sure what compelled her, but she reached out and slugged him in the shoulder like she would do one of her brothers. “Ow!”

“Welcome to being around people your own age!”

He laughed at that which made her giggle. Jimmy was still well into whatever conversation he was having with Pete. “Have you ever been on a Ferris wheel?”

“No, I haven’t.” And she never really wanted to. Spinning around on a wheel in the air? The concept seemed frightening.

“Do you want to go see ours?” He walked her to the Ferris wheel. “Want to go up?”

“I’m not sure. I should probably find Jimmy.” The thing looked like a death trap! 

“It just goes around once. It will stop twice. Once when you're at the top, and once when it’s time to get out.” She eyed the monstrous wheel. She didn’t know why she cared, but she didn’t want him to think her a chicken. “I’ll go up with you, if you want.”

She mulled that over for a moment. “Ok, fine. I’ll go.”

She got into the car, which was scary on its own. It didn’t seem sturdy enough to be carrying people around a wheel in the air. Patrick slid in next to her, leaving a respectable amount of space between them. 

As it climbed into the sky, she held onto the railing. She was terrified to look down. She gripped that railing so tight her knuckles turned white. 

“You know, I could show you a trick to take your mind off of how scared you are right now.”

“What’s that?”

He took her hand into his like Jimmy did sometimes. Her eyes went wide. He was friendly, but that was very forward of him! She wondered what Sam would think of Patrick holding her hand, even if she was scared at the moment. 

“See, now you’re thinking about how you want to punch me.” 

She laughed. “No. I’m thinking if Sam were here, he would punch you. Hard.”

“Oh please! You don’t need Sam Bosco to throw your punches, do you?”

She nodded. “That’s true.” She brought her free hand over and punched him in the shoulder. They both laughed, and he kept holding her hand anyway. 

He held onto her hand when the wheel stopped with them at the top. “Ok, we’re stopping now to let more people on at the bottom. It’s a good time to look out over the city, make a wish, or whatever you want!”

The breeze did feel nice from up here. They were up there for about ten minutes when she noticed that he looked over the side. “What is it?”

“So I don’t want to scare you, but it looks like the wheel may have stopped. It happens sometimes.”

“What?!” Panic set in. She had to get Jimmy and get home! 

He squeezed her hand. “It’s ok. They’re working on getting it started again. It will just be a few minutes more. You know, if you want I can hypnotize you.”

“What? No. That’s not real.”

“It is very real, but people commonly misconceive what it is.”

“How so?”

“Well, for starters, you can’t hypnotize someone and make them do something against their will.”

“Like you can’t make someone murder if that wasn’t already in their heart just because you hypnotize them?”

“Exactly!” And like that, they spent the next 30 minutes or so with him explaining hypnotism and her challenging his assertions until the wheel was moving again. 

She sighed a huge sigh of relief when they were moving again. When they got to the bottom, she didn’t realize their hands were still clasped until he was pulling her out of the car. Once on the ground, she let go of his hand. She appreciated his comfort in the air, but she could hold her own on the land. 

He grinned at her. “So you survived the wheel!”

“And I don’t think I’ll ever do that again! I think I’m more of a land kind of girl. I need to go find Jimmy. I’ve got to get home to start supper.”

“Yeah, I’ll take you back to Pete’s.” He escorted her back to the elephants. Apparently, Jimmy had sat down against a tree and fallen asleep right there—not far from where Ella was sleeping. He looked so peaceful. Maybe he would run off and join the carnival some day.

“Do you want me to carry him out to your automobile?”

“Would you mind?”

He shook his head. “After getting you stuck on the Ferris wheel, it’s the least I can do!”

She smiled. He carried Jimmy to the automobile and sat him inside. 

“Thanks, Patrick.”

“Not a problem, Teresa. Take care. Perhaps I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Hmm?”

“Madeleine is singing at your bar tomorrow night.”

“Oh right! Perhaps I’ll see you then!” He waved to her as she drove away. He was very sweet, and it was nice to have a friend her age. Though, if she’d met him before Sam...she just filed that thought away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to highlight a change I made from canon. Several changes were necessary for this fic, but I had Lisbon's mother die in childbirth instead of in a car accident because (1) it was SUPER common, (2) I'm not sure a drunk driving incident in the 1920s carries the same emotional impact (in terms of the trauma to the family--it's still horrific and sad), and (3) it fits the dynamics of this story a little bit better in terms of why Lisbon is who she is and how she acts. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	10. The Boy Wonder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Posted the same day as chapter 9, so be sure to read that first!*
> 
> This chapter has mentions of attempted sexual assault and graphic depictions of violence (somewhat consistent with the show).

Late July 1927

The next night, after she got the boys to bed, she hurried to dress. Madeleine was performing at the bar. Tonight, she wore a blue evening dress with a hat. She looked glamorous, like a proper star. She could never get over how well she sang.

Of course, Patrick was there. As she slid in to sit next to Sam, she spotted him at the bar with his lemon water. He raised his glass to her, acknowledging her presence and she smiled at him. 

Sam wrapped his arm around her shoulder before leaning in. “Who’s that man at the bar?”

“That’s Miss Hightower’s driver, Mr. Jane.” He grumbled. “Is something wrong?”

“Other than how he’s looking at you?”

“Sam! He’s not looking at me. He just waved. He’s being friendly!”

“His eyes are lingering. He looks half in love with you! How do you know him?”

She paused for a moment. He would be angry if he knew that he held her hand on the Ferris wheel because she was frightened. “He helped Jimmy find Ella the elephant.”

“He helped Jimmy find Ella the elephant? Is that all it is? You didn’t seem too sure about your answer.” 

She wasn’t good at lying, but she hadn’t lied. Though, she felt a pang of guilt when she considered why she even thought she couldn’t tell Sam the whole story in the first place. 

“Yes. He was just showing us kindness for a debt owed.”

“What debt?”

She sighed. “He may have said something unkind to me that doesn’t bear repeating because he apologized.” 

Sam stared at her in disbelief for a moment. “Why don’t you let me decide that?”

She swallowed thickly. “Sam, it’s not important.”

“Well, you just told me a man who’s gawking at you in our bar said something unkind to you. I’d love to know what that is because maybe he doesn’t belong in this bar.”

“Please, Sam. Just drop it. I don’t want you to be angry.”

“I’m not angry, but you’re avoiding my question. It’s making me a little upset.”

“I’m sorry.”

He exhaled sharply. “What is it, Teresa?”

“He called me a kept woman.”

He slammed his glass down. “He said what?! I’ll throw him…”

“No, please! I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want you to get mad and throw Madeleine out too. He apologized, and when we ran into him at the carnival, he took Jimmy to see the elephant.”

Sam was definitely angry. She’d never seen his entire face turn red before. “And you spoke to him after that?”

“Just chatted a bit.”

“Chatted? He’s practically sending you an open invitation!”

This was odd. Sam had never acted this way before. She furrowed her eyebrows as he drained his entire glass of whiskey. His hands were shaking, so she placed her hand in his. He squeezed her hand before he dropped it to signal for Wayne to come over. 

“That blond man at the bar who keeps looking at my table? Please ask him to wait in the back room until Miss Hightower is finished singing.”

She closed her eyes as Wayne ushered Patrick to the back. “Please don’t get upset with her. It wasn’t her fault.”

“I don’t think that at all. He looks like a fraud or a criminal, and I don’t want him here. I just wished you’d told me, so I could handle that. I will handle these things, Teresa! I won’t have people like that in this place disrespecting my wife!”

Patrick Jane still looked like a boy. He looked like neither a fraud nor a criminal. He was clean cut with a sharp appearance. Though, in their line of work, that could probably make him appear a criminal. 

“Sam, we’re bootleggers. We are criminals.” Hoping to lighten the mood, she laughed a bit before taking Sam’s hand, but he continued looking at her with a stern look on his face.

“I don’t trust him, and I don’t like the way he’s looking at you. He probably rushed to show Jimmy to that damn elephant to get near you!”

“Sam…”

“Teresa, don’t! I know these things. You’re my wife, and I need you to trust my judgment!” He used that voice when he didn’t want to discuss something further. Patrick was friendly to her. Nothing more, but Sam automatically assumed the worst. Did he think she would betray him for a friendly smile?

She leaned in closer. “I only see one man in this bar who I love. He’s the one I’m marrying.” He grinned ear to ear at that. 

Thankfully, Madeleine started to sing their song. Sam was crooning it into her ear as she leaned back into his chest. At the end of the song, he squeezed her closer to him and kissed the side of her head. “I love you, sweetheart.”

She whispered: “I love you, Sammy.”

That night, when she went to greet Madeleine, Sam went with her. After they retired to the front house for the evening, Sam stopped her in the parlor. He put a record on and drew her into his arms before they started to sway to the music.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t act very well tonight, my love.”

“It’s ok, Sam.”

“It’s not. I was overcome with jealousy.”

“Jealousy?”

He nodded. “I know you can’t control how people look at you. When I saw him looking at you, I lost my mind.”

“You’re the only man who’s ever been interested in me!”

“I know you think that’s true, but I can guarantee you it’s not. You’re a very beautiful woman.”

“But why were you so upset? I’d never betray you, Sammy.” She’d given him everything she had to give. 

“I know, sweetheart. I’m still a man though. I’m sorry for how I acted. I feel foolish for it.”

She reached up and kissed his lips as they kept swaying to the music. 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Two days before their wedding, Stan left to go play ball with some neighborhood boys after breakfast. Like Tommy, he was good at sports when his asthma wasn’t bothering him. Even if he didn’t talk a lot, the other kids liked him on that basis alone. Sam had Jimmy working on some project in the garage with him. She cleaned the dishes and picked up around the parlor and settled in to read a book. 

She had been reading for a while when Stan came running into the parlor. He was struggling for breath when he stopped, clearly trying to tell her something. “Stan, what is it?”

“Some guys…they got papa...he owes money...beating him…”

“Where?”

“Over at Mr. Bertram’s place.”

Bertram. She thought for a brief moment about whether she should go. If papa said he didn’t have a daughter, should his daughter pay his debts? Looking at Stan’s distress led her to believe she probably should. She ran to her room and grabbed her purse. She could clear the debt so they didn’t kill him. “Ok, Stan. You stay here. I’m going to go over there!”

“I should...go…get...”

“No. You stay here and practice your breathing.” He nodded as she ran toward the car.

She drove straight over to Bertram’s place. She didn’t see her papa, but she did see Mr. Bertram. “Miss Lisbon, what can I do for you?”

“Is my papa here?”

“Now, that depends on why you’re asking, darling.”

“Does he have a debt?”

“He does.”

“If I settle his debt, can I see him?”

He smirked at her, making her feel uneasy. He ushered her to the back room where her papa was seated. It didn’t seem the beating had started yet. 

“Well, Tom, it seems your little lady is here to do business with me.”

Papa closed his eyes. “It seems so. Can I go?”

She wasn’t sure why papa was asking to go. Everything about this seemed off. “Please, Mr. Bertram. What does he owe?”

“No need to rush...what’s your name?”

“Teresa.”

“No need to rush, Teresa. That’s a pretty name. Papa likes to place bets and not pay. Then, to add insult to the injury, the louse thinks he can hide or talk his way out of everything. I’ve had to put in considerable manpower to find him. He’s really tried my patience.”

“I’m sorry to hear that, Mr. Bertram.”

He chuckled. “You’re sweet. Do you know that?”

“Thank you, Mr. Bertram.” The hairs on the back of her neck stood up as he stepped closer to her. She remembered Sam telling her never to come here alone. Why didn’t she get Sam from the garage before she took off?

“How did God make something as sweet as you?” He sniffed her hair.

“Mr. Bertram, I can pay his debts if you’d like.”

“Oh, I’d definitely like.” He wrapped his arm around her and squeezed. She yelped. “How would you like to pay?”

Why was papa just sitting there? She felt her own panic rise, but she remembered when Sam gave her her first driving lesson. She tried to remain calm and steady. “I have cash on hand. If it’s not enough for your trouble, I will find the money to pay you. Please don’t hurt my father.”

He laughed darkly. “Oh don’t worry. Now, that you’re here. I’m not even interested in him anymore. I don’t take money from ladies. I let ladies pay me with their natural talents.”

“I don’t settle my debts that way.”

Bertram grinned. “Now, see that’s not what your papa says. Daddy told me you’re Sam Bosco’s little whore. I don’t mind sharing. I’ll even be nice to you...if you’re nice to me.” 

“Girl, just go with him like you did with Bosco so we can get out of here.”

She looked at her papa in shock. He had her brought here for this? She’d never cleared a single debt this way. She made love to Sam because she loved him and was to be her husband. How could he think she would do this?

Papa wasn’t going to help her. Did he want this man to hurt her to teach her a lesson? Why didn’t she get Sam first? She tried to reign in her nerves when she thought of that Ferris wheel: “You don’t need Sam Bosco to throw your punches, do you?”

She closed her eyes. She thought of sweet, loving Sam who she promised herself to, who she wanted to have a family with, who she was meant to marry in two days. No, she’d not be going off anywhere with this man if she could help it. She inhaled deeply before she picked up her foot and brought it down hard onto Bertram’s foot. 

He yelped in pain as she ran towards the door. She’d run all the way home if she had to and send Sam back for the car. The car! She needed to get to the car. She opened the door, but Bertram was behind her, pulling her back.

“Oh come on! I can’t be any worse than Sammy Boy!”

“Get off of me!” She grabbed a cloth pouch from the car before he pulled her by her hair, dragging her back inside.

“I was going to go easy on you, but I guess now, I need to teach you a lesson!”

He slammed her down on a table. “Papa! Please help me! Papa!”

“Bertram, you got what you asked for. I’m going.”

“Don’t you want to watch what I do to your little girl? Teach her the respect her papa couldn’t.” She sent a silent prayer, asking that if she died today, she would be shown mercy, Sam would find it in his heart to love again, the boys to be safe...and that her aim would be true. 

She pulled Sam’s revolver out of the cloth pouch before Bertram flipped her over. Once she was on her back, she cocked the gun and shot him in the gut. 

He screamed in pain as papa’s face went white. “Girl, what did you do?”

“Stay away from me!” She’d never spoken to papa that way before, but he didn’t much seem like her papa in how he’d just sat there without lifting a finger, willing to let Bertram hurt her.

“You little bitch! You’ve done it, now! You’ll be begging for mercy when I’m done with you.” Bertram was on the ground, groaning and bleeding from his wound. She had to think fast. She didn’t know what she was meant to do now other than get the hell out of here. Was she meant to go to the police? McAllister, that was Sam’s guy. Should she go find him immediately? Would he help? Get Sam first? 

“Teresa!” Sammy! He ran into the back room and grabbed her immediately. Kimball was with him. 

“Bosco, your whore shot me. We’re going to have to talk about this. How are we going to make this right?” He looked to Bertram and then back at her, glancing at the revolver in her hand. 

“It’s all right, sweetheart. You’re safe.” She was bleeding from a cut on her head from where he slammed her down. She didn’t know it until Sam was wiping it off with his handkerchief. “Did he hurt you?”

“He tried to...he wanted me to…”

He spoke calmly. “It’s ok. Everything is fine now.” He gently took the revolver from her hand. Without any hesitation, he turned toward Bertram and emptied the chamber. The groans stopped. 

“There’s your talk.” He used the handkerchief to wipe the gun off before handing it to Kimball. “Get this cleaned up, and slide a few extra dollars to McAllister.”

She stared at the dead man on the floor before Sam took her hand and faced her away from him. Now, she was looking at papa who stood there wide eyed. She’d never seen him look scared before. Good. 

“How much did you owe him, Tom?”

Papa stuttered. “$200.”

Sam picked her purse up off the floor. She dropped it when she tried to escape. She didn’t care. She just wanted out of there and to return home to her family safely. 

Sam rumbled through her purse, withdrawing a wad of cash and throwing it at papa. “Is that what she’s worth to you? $200? You’d let him take your daughter beat her, rape her, and do God knows what else to settle your debts?”

“It wasn’t like that. He was asking after her because he had a soft spot for her. He said if I got her here to talk to him, he’d clear some of the debts up.”

Her face went pale. Papa brought her here to give her to a man to settle his debts, and he wasn’t even remorseful. “I’ve never been a whore, papa! And even if I was, you had no right to bring me here like this! And when I begged you to make him stop...were you just going to watch him violate me? Did you even care that I said no?” 

“I wasn’t going to watch, but all you had to do was just lay back! He wasn’t going to hurt you. He promised me that!”

“He promised you? Perhaps if you cared so much for Bertram’s promises you should’ve laid back for him!”

“Girl, don't sass me! You think you can talk to me any which way now because you lay up with a man with a bit of money?! That’s all you had to do for Bertram. He’d been sweet on you since you stopped by. Now look what you’ve done!”

Sam was very still and spoke very deliberately. “The only soft spot is the one in your head. She’s my wife, but she’s your daughter. You’d toss her about to different men just so you’d never have to be a man and take care of your affairs.” 

“Well, Sam, you got her started! So why not?”

Sam withdrew his own revolver and cocked it. “I should put one of these between your eyes, you worthless sack of shit. She’s your daughter! What kind of father would do something like that? You beat your children, and you abuse them! You want them to live in fear of you for no reason other than having that power of them makes you feel like a man.”

“I was desperate! I gambled to get some whiskey money and it didn’t turn out right. Besides, she’ll always take care of me.” Tommy was right. She was papa’s fool, and he was expecting it. He probably thought she’d be happy to lay down with Bertram if he told her to do it.

Sam guffawed as he rubbed his head with his free head. “Aye, I guess you did everything you could to train her to be a stupid little girl, a puppy, that you kick over and over again, and she still comes and does what you want. Not anymore!”

She closed her eyes. Did Sam think her a stupid little girl? Was he angry with her? 

“You think you can manage my family better? Then, do it!”

Sam waved the gun in papa’s face. “You stay away from Teresa and the boys. They don’t need anything from you. They’re my family now! All you’ve ever done is hurt them. I will take care of them.”

Papa laughed. “And she said she never took her clothes off for you! Look at you! She got you to take on an entire family for nothing in return? You lapping after her scent that bad, or can you just not act like a man?”

Sam looked away from her and kept rubbing his head. Sam was every bit a man and more. All she could think was papa must be out of his mind. He was antagonizing Sam. Surely, he’d seen him empty that revolver into Bertram just like she had! 

He screamed at papa as he brought his pistol down, hard, into the side of papa’s face. “I love her, and you will never hurt her again! You’ll never lay your hands on those boys again either! She never had to do anything for me to love her, especially not the things you’d ask of her!” He kept hitting papa until his face was broken and bloodied and papa was out cold. Sam spat on papa. “You’re not even worth a bullet!” 

Sam took her by her elbow and guided her out of the back door. She could hardly believe what she had just witnessed. Papa had her brought here for unspeakable things, and Sam killed the man who would’ve violated her before beating papa. Was her sweet Sammy, with kind eyes and a gentle heart, truly a violent man? Did he hide it well because she was a stupid little girl? Did he mean to start beating them after they were married?

“Teresa, we need to talk.” He reached for her hand. She pulled away.

“Please. Don’t touch me.”

“I told you not to come here alone!”

“Don’t worry, Sam. I’m fine! Thank you for asking!” No, she wasn’t. She’d thought of him when she thought she might die. Thoughts of Sam kept her head on straight, but he blamed the stupid little girl for getting into this mess. And now, she was barely certain she even knew who Sam was.

He closed his eyes and huffed. “We need to get our stories straight. We were out on a stroll in Michigan this afternoon if anyone asks. Stan will say the same.” 

How did this come so easy to him? “Our stories straight?!”

“Teresa, it’s ok. You’re safe now.”

“Safe? How could I ever feel safe again after seeing what you just did? Of course, you’d tell me I’m safe and expect me to believe it since I’m just a stupid little girl, right?”

“Well, you acted like one! I told you never to come here alone. Bertram loved getting girls messed up to the point they couldn’t pay and extracting payment for his debts as cruelly as possible. You, desperate to help your sorry excuse of a father, were easy pickings for him! It’s why I told you never to go there alone, but you did it anyway. You could’ve just got me. I wasn’t far away from you, but you just took off without a word. I would’ve told you it was probably a trap. I would have at least gone with you! You’re lucky Stan got me once he caught his breath. Your papa gets himself into shit you go running right toward him!”

She knew how terrified she was in those few minutes before Sam arrived. If he’d done that and worse to other unsuspecting women, he deserved what he got and worse. She wouldn’t be too upset over the creep, but Sam was upset with her. “You just committed murder, and beat a man half to death, and you’re mad at me? I don’t even know what to say to you right now, Sam!” 

“‘Thanks from saving me from the pig who was planning to violate me and carve me up for fun because I went to his place alone after you told me not to, Sam,’ would be a good place to start!” He let out a huff of air. “I’m not mad at you. There are bad people in the world, and I’d protect you from every single one of them, including your father. I’d kill Bertram 100 times over if it meant protecting you. But whenever your father comes calling, you turn into a stupid little girl that just wants to please papa. I told you what he was about, didn’t I? To him, you’re only as good as what you can give him. But you just keep running back to fix his problems!”

Everything was just wrong! Her papa, Sam…all of it! It was hard for her to breathe. She was just a stupid little girl they could kick around, like a puppy as Sam said. They knew she would take whatever they dished out! She had to get out! She had to get free. 

“You know, when he first grabbed me, I thought of you. I realized I made a mistake coming here alone, but then, I thought of what Sam would do. He’d want me to be brave. I even prayed that if I died here, you’d find it in your heart to love again. I never stopped thinking about how to get home to you.”

“Teresa, I’m not mad at you for anything! I took the matters into my own hands. That’s on me! I was just...” 

“I figured out how to get free on my own! I got myself into trouble, but I fought like hell to get myself out to get home to you. I wanted to get home to my family, but men like you and my papa will always just think I’m simpleminded and good for nothing more than what you want from me! You’re not the man I thought you were, Sam!”

She wasn’t sure when she raised her voice, but she had. Sam was staring at her in shock. He tried to put his arm around her. “Teresa…”

“No! Don’t touch me! If I’m a stupid little girl, then what the hell do you want with me?!” She got in the car and drove off. She could hear him yelling for her to come back, but she refused to turn that car around. She had no idea where she was going until she ended up in the car park at the carnival.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

She wandered around for a bit. She had no idea why she came here, but she needed time away. She needed to think.

“Teresa?” She turned to see Patrick Jane staring at her.

“Patrick, how are you today?”

“I’d say a great deal better than you.” He tilted his head. “Do you want to go talk? Or just walk in silence?”

She shrugged as she fell into step with him. They walked in silence for a bit.

“Dare I ask what he did? I know it’s Mr. Bosco. Did he tell you that you can’t bootleg anymore after the wedding? Put a limit on your lemon water? Kill someone?” He laughed as though he were trying to lighten the mood, but when she looked at him with panic in her eyes, his laughter stopped.

He grabbed her hand and quickly walked through a bunch of tents. When they finally entered a tent, she realized it was his living space.

“Holy shit! He did kill someone.” She started to respond. “No, don’t tell me. You shouldn’t talk about it. Ever. With anyone. People talk. Stories get back to cops.”

“Why would you even ask that?”

“He looks like would definitely kill for you under the right circumstances, which leads me to ask, are you ok? What happened to your head? He didn’t hit you, did he?”

She shook her head. “No, he didn’t. He looks like he’d kill for me? That’s funny: I never thought him capable of anything like that.”

“But that’s not true, is it?”

She sighed. “Other than in the war.” Well, when she asked him if he’d ever shot anyone. He never said it was in the war. 

“Well, there are different types of enemies. I assume whoever was involved in this tried to hurt you.” She just nodded. Turning to face her, he placed his hands on top of her shoulders. “Are you ok? Did they hurt you?”

“He didn’t hurt me. Sam was protecting me.”

“Good. I suspect Sam wouldn’t hurt you. The man is madly in love with you.”

“I don’t know if we’re safe.”

“From Bosco? Definitely.”

“How can you know that? I--you didn’t see what I saw. He acted so calmly when he...I have to protect my brothers. There’s no one, not our papa not Sam, who’s going to protect them.”

“He may have seemed calm, but that doesn’t mean he wasn’t full of fear, anguish, or rage. You know you don’t have to protect your brothers from him. If you believed that, they’d be here with you now. No, you ran off because he did something to anger you.”

Well, that seemed silly hearing it that way. He was right; she wasn’t even that upset about the murder stuff, or papa even. Those men would’ve hurt her, but Sam wouldn’t stand for that. “He called me a ‘stupid little girl.’ I went to help my papa, and the man was waiting for me.”

“Hmm. That’ll do it. He doesn’t really think that, you know? Most men with a little money and a wife younger than them treat their wives like a possession. He treats you like his equal--or however close you can actually come to that. If he thought you were a stupid little girl, he wouldn’t even be around you.”

“My papa used to call me that.”

“The one you went to help?”

She paused for a moment, thinking of the words it hurt so much to say aloud. “Papa was in on it. He wanted me to lay with the man to pay his debts. I would never do anything like that!”

He whispered. “No. Never.”

“I had money in hand to pay him. He said he didn’t want that kind of payment from a lady.” She started to cry.

Jane squeezed her hand. She looked into those sharp blue eyes filled with worry. 

“When you met me, you assumed I was a kept woman. Is that what I’m meant to be? Trying to get papa out of his drinking debts is how I got in with Sam. He used to come collect. He started lingering a bit and talking to me, until he offered me a job. Only I didn’t know for months the job was how he hoped to impress me to get me to agree to a courtship. Am I just a stupid little girl who pays her papa’s debts?”

“No, you’re more than that. Sam knows that.”

“I just...I thought I knew him. He said he would never hurt me.”

“He didn’t mean it.”

“You don’t know that!” Whose side was he on, anyway? 

“You’re right. I don’t know that, but I can tell you what I know. He loves you, and you love him. You asked me how I know you’re safe. From what I can tell, there’s only one thing that Sam Bosco fears: losing you. It’s etched in his face. Like the other night when he had me removed. He seemed angry, but his eyes held fear.”

“You didn’t see it. He became a different man!”

“Sometimes, that happens to protect the people we love. I don’t doubt that he’d do anything to protect you, and deep down, I think you know that. If he did anything to hurt you, he’s giving himself a harder time for it than you ever will.” 

“He was protecting me.”

Patrick furrowed his brow in confusion. “Teresa, why did you come here?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess I needed space to think. I just wish everything wasn’t so complicated!”

“Well, Teresa Lisbon, how would you like to join the carnival for a day? Experience a life so free of complications for one day, and one day only!” He spoke in his showman voice, which cheered her up a bit. He reached for her hand, and they were off.

First stop was food. She was famished! They ate corn on the cob and some pork. Later, he got them a funnel cake with extra sugar on it. He took her to all of the attractions, whispering how each one of them was rigged and obviously drawing the ire of those who ran the booths. They even stopped to see Ella. Sitting atop Ella, she could see why this appealed to Jimmy so much. Their day culminated in dancing. They danced for hours to the live music playing different songs, even some Irish dances that she hadn’t done in years. She laughed and had so much fun. Is this what life was meant to be?

She remembered the last time she danced to Irish music. She was drunk for the first time and Sam held her up to dance because she wanted to dance. They held each other up on the way to the front of the house. He was good like that. It was the first time she acknowledged he was hers, too. 

As the last song ended, Jane hugged her into his chest. “I know why I came here now.”

“Why?”

“Before I broke free to try to get away and save myself, I heard you up on that damned Ferris wheel asking me if I needed Sam Bosco to throw my punches.”

He chuckled. “And?”

“No.” Her voice broke as she whispered. “But it sure is nice to have his help.” 

“Teresa, do you know what you have to do?”

She looked up into his blue eyes. “What if I’d rather join the carnival?”

He smirked at her. “I could tell you that I’d like that, and in fact, I’d love nothing more than to take Sam Bosco’s place. Hell, we could have a carnie wedding in 20 minutes if it suited you!”

She laughed at that. “That’s not the kind of thing I’m really into. I think. I don’t know. What exactly is a carnie wedding?”

“It’s exactly what it sounds like, but that’s my point. You wouldn’t be happy! You’d hate it here, but there’s a place you’d love to be, even right now.”

“I know you were just showing me a good time today, but it’s not that bad is it? To be free?”

“I guess not, but isn’t the grass always greener on the other side? You have your family, not your sleaze of a father, but your brothers and Sam. He loves you very much, and you love him. Otherwise, you would have never agreed to marry him. You’re too strong willed for that. I have a sneaking suspicion that you loved him before you even knew you loved him.”

There was a pause as she took in his words. “If I met you before I got involved with Sam…”

“Then, your life would be totally different. The you that exists now wouldn’t be here!” That was true. Sam’s words were the ones she heard to get herself out of trouble. His encouragement made her strong enough to fight and to know that she should expect better than who papa was.

Patrick whispered. “We wouldn’t have just danced the night away at the carnival. You’re a beautiful woman, Teresa. I don’t just mean that about your outside appearance. You deserve only the best.”

Sammy. “I have to go home.” 

“You do. Go home to Sam. Hear his apology because I am willing to bet he’s spent this entire time thinking of what to say and do to make you happy again. Have a good life with him. Besides, if you’re really fond of the carnival, when he’s begging you for forgiveness later this evening, you can always ask him for a pony.”

She laughed. She leaned into his chest just a little longer before she broke away, deciding it was time. He walked her to the car park. “It was nice to meet you, Teresa Lisbon.”

“Likewise, Patrick Jane.” He was a good friend. He really could see what you needed.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

As she entered their parlor, Sam immediately rushed to her and pulled her into his embrace. “Sweetheart, I’m so sorry. I...I’ve done a lot of things wrong today. I never meant to hurt you. Please forgive me. I’m so sorry. I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

“Forgive me. Please. I love you. You’re not a stupid little girl. You’re the furthest thing from it. I spoke in anger and fear. I said that the rule of this house was to never be cruel, and I broke my own rule. I was so afraid when I heard you’d gone there alone that I couldn’t think of anything else other than getting to you. When I got there and saw the situation, I...I lost control. I would never hurt you or the boys.”

“I know that, Sam. You love us. I forgive you. Do you forgive me?”

“For what? You didn’t do anything wrong, Teresa. Not a damn thing! I wish you’d let me handle things, but it’s taken care of now. It’s done. You’ve always had that bravery about you, and you did so well protecting yourself. It doesn’t make you stupid. It makes you the woman I love! You’d run directly into a fire to protect the ones you love. I just hope you’d remember to take me because I can’t lose you. I can’t think of a life without you, my love!” 

His voice broke, and her heart along with it. “Please don’t leave me, Teresa. I don’t know what I would do without you.” 

“I wouldn’t leave you, Sammy. I never thought he would do something like that, but you knew. You knew it! And you wanted to protect me. I realized when I got there that I made a mistake, but I tried to be as strong as you always tell me I am.”

“You are so strong, sweetheart. I wish I could be a better man for you.”

“You are a great man! My world is better for seeing how kind and loving you are, for seeing how a man can love his wife and children--even if they’re not his own. My brothers adore you. I want them to be good men like you, and I know that’s how they’ll grow up because of you. You make me happy, and I want to have our children. I don’t want to lose you either.” 

Their foreheads touched as he kissed her lips. “I’ll always love and protect you, your brothers, and our children no matter what. You won’t lose me.”

“I’ll never talk about what happened today. I won’t let you go to prison because of me. I’ll take it to my grave. We were on a stroll in Michigan today.” 

He nodded at her words as he took her hand and led her into their bedroom. Two days later, they were married.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next two chapters are the epilogue split into two parts. When you read them, you will understand why they are split (and why I included Jisbon, instead of just Jane & Lisbon, in the summary for this story). Thanks for reading!


	11. Life Goes On, Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first part of the epilogue. So if you want to know what my headspace was like writing this, I listened to Shawn Mendes' "Running Low" like six times in a row. You might need tissues on hand. CW: mentions of child death.

August 1962

A few months after they were married, autumn blew in again. With it, came a letter from Tommy. He apologized to her for leaving the way he did. While Jimmy and Stan never talked about it, probably because it didn’t seem abnormal to them, he’d come to blows with papa the day he decided to leave. He wrote: “I couldn’t take being there a second longer. You were always the strong one. I’m sorry I wasn’t a better brother. I’m glad things worked out for you and Bosco.” 

Later, he would tell her that he knew she was going to marry Sam when he made her laugh during mass and she held his hand. He knew it was the real deal because that was the one thing she took seriously above all else--and he could see how happy he made her in that moment. It didn’t hurt that he’d been willing to take a stand against papa. 

Jimmy and Stan continued to live in the Bosco household until they were adults. They never returned to live with papa. They looked to Sam like their father, and he didn’t mind. He treated them like his sons. When Tommy got his breaks from school, he came to stay with them too. When he graduated, he took a job teaching at a nearby school.

Just two weeks shy of nine months after they married, she took to her first confinement. Sam held her in his arms nearly the entire time they waited for the baby to arrive. Beforehand, Sam talked to the boys. He told them that he expected everything would go just right, but if it didn’t, they always had a place in his home. Still, poor Jimmy sat outside sobbing because he feared she would die like mama. She had to have him brought in for a while to sit with her when she wasn’t having frequent labor pains. Though, by that point, she also wasn’t entirely sure she wasn’t dying. After nearly a full day of labor pains, their little Mary Katherine (like mama) arrived. Sam laughed and smiled at their baby girl. Later, he told her that perhaps she did know that morning that they made their beautiful little girl under that blue, open sky.

Not a full year later, their little Rachel came. Their sweet, sweet Rachel who never made it out of her crib. She wasn’t sure what was worse: losing a parent as a child or losing her child. It was the first time she ever saw Sam weep with grief.

When papa died, drinking himself to death as Tommy predicted, the little yellow house set empty for a few years. A part of her felt horrible for not properly grieving her father, but she didn’t know how to feel. After the business with Bertram, she only ever spoke to him once again not long after Mary Katherine was born. He wasn’t interested in his new granddaughter or apologies, just money. She sent him away empty handed. Besides, she was still mourning for her Rachel when he died. Tommy didn’t even attend the funeral and wanted nothing to do with the house. Stan kept their little yellow house. He lives there with his family now.

By the time papa died, the world was thrown into chaos when the stock market crashed. People lost their jobs, their homes, and some even lost their lives. There were bread lines and people simply trying to survive. Sam had never trusted banks, so they didn’t face the kind of hard times that so many others did. As such, Sam kept his guys on because people kept drinking even if they had no jobs. It seemed the lack of jobs and despair made people drink more. 

With so many people out of work, she started making stews to serve for free out of the back. Everyone knew that if you were hungry, you could stop by the Bosco place, no questions asked. He even hired Wayne’s wife, Grace, to help her. She and Grace became good friends. When they ended the laws against liquor, Sam found a large, cheap store front to move the bar out of the house. They officially opened Sam’s Place in 1935 in the spot where it continues to sit.

In the chaos, their family grew by four more Boscos. Sam Junior, Madeleine, Violet, and Jamie all came within four years of each other. Whenever Sam caught grief from the guys about how many daughters he had, he always told them: “And my girls will grow into brave, beautiful young women just like their mother.”

Then, the world was at war. Again. This time, Tommy and Jimmy--her beautiful baby brother who’d grown into a handsome young man no longer in need of his sister’s supervision--left to go fight in the war. Tommy died in France in the summer of 1942. When their son was born that fall, they named him Tommy for his uncle. Jimmy came home in the winter of 1943 without an arm. Stan couldn’t go on account of his asthma. Instead, he helped in the war effort at home before getting back to his first passion: writing. Stan joked that because he never did anything notable, he never did get a niece or a nephew named for him.

After the war, Jimmy came home to live with them again. He wasn’t doing too well and started to develop papa’s habit to cope with losing his arm--the arm he hoped to play baseball with when he returned home. He said he felt hopeless. Sam spent many nights up with him. But he did things differently than papa. He put the bottle down, and when he started getting things in order to get his own place--to leave her--she knew he had met a woman. Of course, she cried. As Sam put it, her first baby was leaving the nest. 

“T, I want to introduce you to my wife.” She looked at the beautiful young woman, momentarily stunned, though not for the reasons most of the neighborhood was in an uproar. She looked so much like her mother. “This is Mimi.”

Jimmy had taken up managing music groups that played different clubs. It didn’t take long for him to cross Mimi Hightower’s path. She’d followed in her mother’s footsteps and became a singer. When Jimmy introduced Mimi to the family, her niece, Ella, was only a few months away from being born. While their relationship wasn’t illegal, they caught a hard time from ignorant people. Finally, Sam put up a sign that said: “Anyone with a problem with people of other races or mixed marriages should not enter this establishment.” 

Jimmy’s marriage to Mimi put her back in contact with Madeleine. She’d gone to see her perform, and they had her back a few times over the years, but she lost touch with her after the babies started coming and they opened Sam’s Place. When she realized Jimmy was the little boy who wanted nothing more to spend time with the elephants all those years ago, Madeleine could barely contain her laughter.

With seven children already and the belief that she was at the end of her child bearing years, their eighth and final child, Samantha, surprised them in 1950. Sam doted on her the same as he had all of the children before. Not even a full year later, Mary Katherine who had been serving as a nurse in Korea, which worried her to death, came home with a husband and their first grandchild. Perhaps because of her own upbringing, she’d never thought that one aspect of having so many children meant there would be even more grandchildren! All of the children except Samantha, who was still in high school, were married with children of their own now.

And Sam. Sweet Sammy. He was an excellent husband and father. He never spoke to her or the children in anger. He never raised a hand to them. In fact, he was always loving. She once wondered if marriage meant she would simply disappear, but even if she was Mrs. Bosco to the world, she was “sweetheart,” “my love,” “my Teresa,” “Saint Teresa,” or her personal favorite “baby” to Sam. He always made her feel special. He never missed an opportunity to dance in their parlor. He told her he had loved dancing with her since their first Valentine’s dance. He said it didn’t hurt that he could look into her beautiful eyes that looked like home, as though they were the only people in the world, and talk about anything while they were dancing. Just the two of them. 

Every time she took to the child bed, he was there to hold her. Usually somewhere around the midway point, he told her it was better her than him because she was the strong one. He said it each time. She always laughed. For Stan and Jimmy, he became a brother and father figure who helped them navigate life. Though he never had a similar bond with Tommy, he held her for days when she got the news that he would never come home again. He loved their daughters as much as their sons, and he raised them all to be good people. They had so many good years together, a full life where he fulfilled every promise he ever made to her—except for one. 

She often thought of how he explained mama’s death to Stan and Jimmy the day they became a part of the Bosco household: you lived so the people you love remembered the good. She would always remember the good.

Late last year, they found the cancer. By the time the doctors found it, there was nothing they could do but wait for the end. Just like he’d sat in her bed with every one of their children she birthed, she stayed with him the entire time with his hand in hers. Samantha was the same age she was when her mama died, and she didn’t understand why her papa was leaving her. Was it better for the child to know death was coming for their parent, or to be surprised? He doted on their baby girl until the end. One day, he sent her to get the camera, one of his good suits, and the fanciest dancing dress for Samantha she could find. 

“She won’t have her papa at prom or at her wedding. It will be nice for her to have a nice photo with me, to remember like the other kids.”

He struggled to make it outside so they could take the photo in the colorful spring flowers instead of in the dreary hospital because he wanted his baby girl to have a bright memory. Of course, he plucked one of those flowers and handed it to her. “For my sweetheart,” he said. It was her last flower from Sammy; she pressed it and kept it in a frame. That night, she wept. It was the first time it truly hit her what it meant to lose her best friend and partner of 35 years. 

When he was awake, they talked just like they always had. As his time grew shorter, so did the hours she had with him. She remembers his last day. Even in the pain, he still found ways to make her laugh.

“I’m really upset I didn’t marry a woman my own age now. Now, I get to think of some other guy making love to you because if it’s right, I definitely want you to remarry. You don’t deserve to spend the rest of your life alone on my account. Whoever he is, he better treat you right, or I’ll come back from the grave and haunt the son of a bitch.”

She laughed weakly. She wanted to tell him to stop because he would be fine, but they both knew that was a lie. She didn’t want to remarry; she wanted to never lose her Sammy like he promised! Though, she knew better than most how no one controlled the time clock of life. 

As the tears started to fall from her eyes, he used his waning strength to bring his fingers to brush them away before letting his hand fall on top of hers. He was the one dying, and he still wanted to comfort her.

“Do you remember the day we got engaged?”

“Yes.”

He smiled at her. “Me too.” 

She laughed at that outloud. “Sam!”

“What? I’m dying. I should at least get to die happy, don’t you think? We had a good run, didn’t we?”

“We did.”

“Will you tell me the story?”

She nodded, knowing exactly which story he wanted to hear. “The morning I decided to become Mrs. Teresa Bosco, I woke up and saw how happy the man I’d slowly, but surely, fallen deeply in love with looked in his sleep. I stayed in bed an hour longer just so I could watch you sleep because it made me happy watching you happy. Looking at the beautiful sky and colorful field of flowers with the man I loved made me realize it was time to start a new adventure, one that was with him, just for us.” 

“I’m glad you did, and I still wish I knew what I was dreaming about. It must have been a snapshot of all this happiness we would share. Now, you get to start a new adventure.” He brushed her fingers. 

Her hot tears were flowing down her face now. “I’d really rather not! I love you, Sammy.”

“And I would really prefer it if you did! If they let me into Heaven, I guess I’ll see you when you get there, sweetheart.”

“Of course they’ll let you in! After all, they will be hearing frequently from your Saint Teresa!” She tried to wink at him, but her tears were too thick. 

He gave her a weak smile. “That’s my girl! Be strong. I love you very much, Teresa.” 

Those were his last words. She held his hand and her head over his heart, while she sang “Someone to Watch Over Me” until the orderlies came to move him. The children tried to get her to leave, but she refused to leave until they took him. 

Sam Junior took over running Sam’s Place. Samantha was out of school for the summer, so she took her up to the lake house for a while after the funeral. The house he bought as their getaway always held a special place in their hearts. They visited frequently with the kids in the summer. In the fall, they went up for hunting. Men thought it was peculiar that Sam would take his wife hunting because it was a time for men to get away from their wives.

She could still hear Sam, half laughing: “Really? Hunting brings us closer together!” Indeed, she suspected at least three of their children were made somewhere in the Michigan woods.

For days, she sat in the parlor of the lake house just staring at the photo of her and Sam above the fireplace. Most people hung their wedding photo with such prominence, but they hung this photo taken at the lighthouse on the day she decided to become Mrs. Sam Bosco. It was always Sam’s favorite story. Hers too.

Indeed, it was a life of happiness like Sam always promised.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyways, I cried when I wrote this and with each subsequent edit. Well, at least Lisbon didn't leave him on read this time, right?


	12. Life Goes On, Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted the same day as Chapter 11, so be sure to read that one first!
> 
> This is all folks! Thanks for giving this story a chance through the end. CW: mentions of depression. Notes at the end.

May 1967

Last summer, Samantha, still not quite old enough to drive, and her friends wanted to go to the carnival. Against her better judgement, she piled six teenage girls into her car and drove them out to the carnival. She told them they could wreak all of the havoc they wanted so long as they met back in the parking lot by 9pm. She found herself just wandering around, thinking of the last time she was at a carnival nearly forty years ago--until she saw him.

“Teresa Lisbon? Is that you?”

“Teresa Bosco, but yes, it’s me, Patrick Jane.”

“Huh. I thought I was either dying or my eyesight was going. It’s really a toss up these days.”

She laughed. “It’s good to see you, too. It’s strange to say this, but I didn’t expect to see you here.”

“Likewise. This is how I remember you, but I never thought I’d see you again.”

“My daughter and her friends wanted to come to the carnival. There was no way I was sending a car full of 16 year olds out here all by themselves.”

“You have a 16 year old?”

“I do.”

“Well, not that you look a day over 35, but I seem to remember you having a lot more years on you than that.” She punched him in the shoulder.

“Ow! But same ole Teresa, I guess.” 

She laughed at that. “And same ole Patrick!” He asked her to accompany him on a walk through the grounds.

“So how are things with you? How’s Sam? I know you married him. The biggest indicator being the name change.” He grinned.

She smiled sadly. “I did. He’s been gone four years now.”

His smile fell. “Oh. I’m sorry.”

“Me too. We had a great life together, but he was in a lot of pain in the end. He fought to stay with us for as long as he could. How about you? Where’s your wife? I know you didn’t get this far without one.”

“She was murdered almost 25 years ago.”

Her blood ran cold. “What?” 

“I thought...I ran a con out in California. I was established out there for a while. I even had a fancy house. I caught the attention of this lunatic who wanted to play with me, so my wife and daughter paid the price. She was only five.”

“Patrick, I’m so sorry.”

“I found him. I spent 10 years in San Quentin after I did, but I guess I learned a lesson about cons.”

She reached for his hand and squeezed it. “It doesn’t matter. Your family didn’t deserve that; you didn’t deserve that.”

His eyes were sad for a moment before he snapped back. “So you have a 16 year old. She’s not your only one is she?”

She shook her head. “Nope. I had eight children. Only seven survived to adulthood.”

He whistled. “You and Sam had eight kids, huh? Well, I told you that you loved him. Sam Bosco would not have come to your bed unless you wanted him to, and eight children...I mean, Teresa, that’s bordering on an indecent amount of love.” She punched his shoulder again. “I’m sorry for the one who didn’t make it though. It’s hard losing a child.”

“It is. She died in her crib before she was even a year old. Our oldest girl was sick, so I was up taking care of her. Sam got up to swaddle Rachel that night. The next morning, I went to get her for her feeding...she was gone. He spent years wondering if he did something wrong when he put her back in her crib, or if his little girl was being punished in his stead for his sins.”

His voice softened as he squeezed her hand. “I can understand that.”

She spoke softly. “I never blamed him.”

“Yeah, but when a father can’t protect his daughter...it changes you.” For the first time in years, she thought of her own papa who never had such problems.

Hands clasped together, she and Patrick spent the day walking, talking, and catching up. They exchanged contact information. The girls were gawking at them as Patrick walked her back to the car 30 minutes past 9pm. She told them she ran into an old friend. Samantha led the girls in a bit of teasing in the car about her being out with a boy and missing her own curfew. 

Keeping in touch didn’t take long. The next day, she met Patrick for ice cream around 2pm. They stayed until the shop closed. The day after, they had coffee. They stayed until the shop closed--and then, they went for dinner.

A few nights later, she bit her lip as she dialed the number to the motel he was staying in. “Would you like to come over for dinner?”

“Sure. What can I bring?”

“Just yourself is fine.”

Samantha was staying the night with one of her friends, so she made some quick chicken and potato recipe she found in the paper. He appeared at her door about an hour or so later with a bouquet of flowers. She hadn’t received flowers since Sam’s funeral, and by that point, she wanted no more flowers because they would never come from Sam again. It was nice that Patrick brought flowers. 

They ate dinner and continued talking. She wasn’t sure how they had so much to talk about, but they did. As he went to leave for the night, he stopped at the door, running his hand through that luscious head of hair before turning back toward her.

“I’m sorry I’m so bad at this. It’s been a while. A beautiful woman invited me to her house for dinner, and I didn’t even…”

“It’s ok. I’ve not...well, not since Sam died. I understand.”

“Yeah, not since Angela died either.”

She shrugged. “I didn’t expect anything when I invited you for dinner.”

“I know. Can I see you tomorrow?”

“Yes.”

And that’s how they were for a while. Just seeing each other and talking. A few weeks in, they kissed for the first time. Neither of them had to speak the words of loss and remorse they knew the other felt as they held each other silently after their kiss. It felt wrong to be held by Patrick as she thought of her last first kiss—her first kiss ever—on a snowy Valentine’s Day. But it was nice to feel that comfort from someone who understood how hard this could be. 

Within a month, they graduated to full blown lovemaking.

“There will be no babies!”

“Teresa, you already have enough kids and grandkids to fill a few different sports teams. I know the Church has rules about this, but I think you’re good!” She slapped his chest. “They definitely have rules about this, too.” He wiggled his eyebrows as he pointed to their bare bodies. She slapped his chest again. 

“But men can make babies for longer than women can. Are you sure that’s not something you want?” If it were, he would have to find a younger woman. She hoped it wasn’t.

He chuckled. “I’m much too old to be chasing after little ones of my own now! What I’d like to do is spend all of my time with you. Besides, don’t you have a small army of grandchildren that just need to be doted on, not raised?” He kissed her lips, and she knew he was a keeper.

Somehow, the kids caught wind that she’d been spending time with a man, but Jimmy was the first to meet Patrick. He showed up one night when she invited Patrick over for dinner with her and Samantha. She suspected Samantha told her Uncle Jimmy dropped a hint that Patrick would be there, as he showed up demanding to meet this new boyfriend of hers. He didn’t remember Patrick from the carnival all those years ago. After all, he was just the guy who took him to Ella. Jimmy sat and talked with them for a while as they played cards. Of course, Patrick cleaned all of their clocks.

“He’ll be good for you, T.” Jimmy said as he kissed her cheek to leave for the evening. She cried a bit that night as she remembered the little boy who puffed his chest out and introduced himself as “James Lisbon” to Sam and how he joked about being glad Jimmy didn’t have a good swing when he met him. Jimmy hadn’t been able to swing a bat in years, and Sam was gone now, but the sentiment was the same.

The kids didn’t react the same as Jimmy. Samantha, Violet, and Tommy were generally supportive, but the rest were absolutely opposed to any man spending time with her. Though, they didn’t say it that way. Sam Junior demanded his full name to have a background check run on him because he didn’t trust a man who would take his mother out without first making introductions. He was probably a fraud or a criminal. She just laughed at that. When he asked what was so funny, she told him: “It just is.” The apple didn’t fall far from the tree!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Somehow, he got her up on that damned Ferris wheel again! When they were high in the air, it stopped. He held her hand just like the last time. 

“So how’s the Ferris wheel this time?”

“I still like the land beneath my feet. This is a death trap!”

“Really? You gave birth eight times. This is scary to you?”

“You know what? Yes. It’s where I draw the line! And why is this taking so long? Is the wheel broken again?”

“Just look out over the city!” She looked to her right. Her gorgeous city had changed so much since the last time she did this. “Ok, it’s nice, but…”

As she turned her head back to him, she saw that he held a golden band in his hand. 

“Almost forty years ago, I fell in love with this girl with a sweet face and a highly illegal career. She was cute as a button but very stubborn. She really liked punching boys for some reason. Someone had already claimed her heart, but she let me be her friend. She even let me take her high above the sky over Chicago and hold her hand while we bickered for the better part of an hour. This is the spot where I fell in love with that girl—but knew I could only ever be her friend. A few months ago, I met the woman that girl became. I became that woman’s friend, and I fell in love again. Though, we’ve led two separate, but full lives, I was wondering if that woman might do me the honor of becoming my wife for the rest of our lives?”

She blushed deeply as she smiled at him. “Wow. How many girls did you take up on the Ferris Wheel?”

He laughed a hearty laughter. “You’d be surprised by the answer but only two! I asked both of them to marry me. One did, and well, that chapter is finished. I’m just hoping the other says yes, too.”

Though they’d both aged, she still saw that same boyish grin. It didn’t take long for her to answer. “Yes, I will.” 

She still wore Sam’s diamond ring, which caused her some guilt when she realized she just accepted another man’s proposal of marriage with it on her finger. She went to remove it, but Patrick covered her hand with his. 

“No. This is a part of who you are, just like Angela was for me. You were married to him for over 30 years. I think we have to accept that they will always be a part of us. Just give me your other hand.”

“Are you sure?”

He shrugged. “Unless you have another husband’s ring on that.”

“Very funny. I don’t.”

“Good.” He slid his engagement ring onto her right hand. He kissed her before leaning over the side of the car. “All right, boys! You can let us down. She said yes!”

“Did you get them to stop this wheel so that you could propose to me?”

“I had to set the scene!” He shrugged. “I’m still a showman at heart!”

“If it weren’t so sweet, I’d punch you.” As they reached the ground, the folks on the ground cheered for them.

Though, that sentiment didn’t spread to her family. The following Sunday supper was more than awkward. All of the kids and grandkids filed into the house to meet Patrick. Sam Junior was fuming when he found out she accepted his proposal. They kept it together...until Samantha made her case for Patrick. Then, all hell broke loose. “Patrick is a really nice guy. I think he really loves mama. He treats her so well at home!” 

When the carnival moved on, he stayed in Chicago. He was going to look for a permanent place to board, but as she pointed out, she and Samantha had plenty of space. He maintained a separate bedroom. But of course, there was some late night/early morning hour sneaking back and forth.

Jamie, her sweet Jamie, hit the roof. “Mama, you have a man living with you? Are you insane?”

“I think it’s nice that she’s found someone to keep her company!” Violet always shared her temperament. 

“What kind of example are you setting for Samantha? We know nothing about this man!” She chuckled inwardly as Sam Junior rubbed his balding head the same way his father used to when he was upset. Sam used to thank her for his carbon copy son, especially when they butted heads.

“Sam, I don’t know that allowing my fiancé, who does not have a home, to stay here in his own room is setting any kind of example for Samantha. Besides, he will be living here when we get married anyway!” 

She looked over to Patrick who looked equal parts amused and scared to death. She warned him the children may not take this well, and while she had years of experience handling their unique mix of Bosco-Lisbon temperaments, he was new to this.

“Mama, the problem is that he’s your fiancé! Who is he?” Mary Katherine looked at her with concern.

Finally, he spoke up. “I’m Patrick Jane. I’m 60--no, 61 now. I was born in Nevada, I think. I was born on the carnival circuit, so I traveled around quite a bit. I like tea and ice cream and being outdoors. You don’t really want to play games of chance with me. I do have abilities to detect moods and reactions that let me pretend to be a psychic. I used to be a conman, but I gave that up years ago. I spent 10 years in prison for killing the man who killed my wife and daughter.”

There were gasps. Sam’s voice boomed when he spoke. “Mama, this man is dangerous! If you’re lonely, we can do more to come by and visit with you! You don’t need some murdering, carnival freak here with you and Samantha!” 

Patrick closed his eyes as she threw her napkin on the table. She took no issue with his past. She understood why he’d done what he did. Besides, even if she would take it to the grave, she knew their father didn’t have clean hands either. She loved him still. 

“I beg your pardon, Samuel Ellis Bosco, Jr.? You will not disrespect my husband in our home! He’s trying to talk to you and help with your concerns, but you won’t hear him out! Would you rather he tell you lies? I know of his past, and I’m not ashamed of him or scared!”

“He’s taking advantage of you! He knows you’ve just lost papa. He’s here to swindle you out of whatever he can get! We will make sure we visit more to keep you company.”

Jimmy started laughing. “Sam, I don’t think that’s the kind of company she’s looking for!” 

Her face reddened as she heard a series of grumbles and noises of disgust. While the frequency and vigorous nature of their lovemaking had evolved, Sam had made love to her until he got sick. Yet, at 60, they thought she was too old to want or desire the company of a man!

“Uncle Jimmy, now’s not the time. If you’re not going to help out here, can you just keep out of it?”

“No, I don’t think I will. Your papa loved your mama very much. He taught most everyone in this room what that word meant. As such, he’d be disappointed to see you carrying on like this. He’d want her to be happy, not alone and miserable. She’s not that old, and you treat her like she’s senile or unabble to make choices for herself! Patrick seems nice enough. Maybe give him a chance for your mama!”

“Papa would disapprove of this man--a conman and a murderer by his own admission--living here outside of marriage. I know that!” 

She cackled at that. One thing she’d realized after Sam died is that people didn’t just remember the good when you died. If you were good enough, they made you into a saint!

“Mama?” Her Madeleine put her hand on her forearm. She’d sat next to her today because she wanted to be near her new grandson. He was cooing in his mama’s arms as he reached out for her. She wanted to just play with the baby.

She huffed in frustration. She did not birth and raise these seven children so they could turn around and treat her like a child! 

“I am your mother! I am an adult woman, and if I want to get married, I will. If I want to make love to a man, I will!” Another round of gasps and grimaces. If this would get them to be quiet, she could do it all day. “I do not need a decision from the council to determine who I can consort with, marry, or live with! You know, I lived with your papa before we were married.”

“You’ve never told us that before.” Tommy looked at her in confusion. That had been a great name choice for him. He reminded her so much of her brother.

“People just didn’t talk about it back then like they do now, but he took me in before we were even engaged because I had nowhere else to go.” They’d never mentioned much about her papa to the children. Everything he stood for was the exact opposite of the type of home she and Sam maintained for the children.

Now, Stan laughed. “It’s true. He even moved me and Jimmy in here before they were married! They’d made their promise to each other, just not to the public yet, and that was good enough for him.”

Tommy shook his head. “Why did you all live with papa?”

Without skipping a beat, Stan answered. “Because our papa was a mean son of a bitch and didn’t want any of us around. Now, I figure if Sam was here, he would kick Patrick straight out on his ass--but that would be because he was encroaching on his woman. Not because he thought it was a ghastly sin for two people promised to be married to live under the same roof. Besides, I’ve got to tell you, I think we’re past protecting her virtue. There’s too many of you here for that ship to not have sailed.” 

He winked at her, and she smiled. Over the years, Stan opened up more and started to be more outgoing. His writing helped. At the funeral, when he spoke, he said that Sam had helped him heal in ways he didn’t know he was broken. That was probably true for all of the Lisbon siblings.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

In all of this talk of them coming to live with Sam, she didn’t miss the wave of sadness that crossed Jimmy’s face as he seemed to float away. She got up and wrapped her arms around her baby brother, squeezing him tight as he rubbed her arm. He started to struggle again when Sam died. 

About a year after Sam died, Mimi called her one night terrified because he just started crying and was in a panic. He locked himself away in his basement—with his guns. Afraid he was drinking again, she went over to see after him. She quickly figured out he had not been drinking at all; something was wrong. She talked him into coming out and going to bed. She got in bed with him, holding him as he cried.

“Why does everyone leave me, T? What happens when you leave? I can’t take this pain anymore. I don’t want to be here anymore.” 

She held him until he went to sleep. The next morning, the three of them decided he should go to the hospital for help. She and Mimi drove him together. His doctor helped him understand these were feelings he had since the day papa beat him and told him he killed mama. Over the years, he’d found different ways to cope with Sam’s help. Losing Sam, the person he saw as the father who protected him from everything but war, triggered these feelings again. His doctor said that Sam dying also heightened his fears of losing her: the woman he saw as his mother. When Stan found out about his hospitalization, he started finding activities to do with Jimmy a couple times a week. 

She had long moved past the part of herself that felt responsible for anything papa did. She no longer believed she should’ve been there for the abuse instead of Jimmy. Sam was right; she didn’t deserve that. None of them did. But that didn’t stop her from wanting to hold her baby brother close to protect him from everything, even himself, like she had from the moment they placed newborn Jimmy in her arms. He was still under a doctor’s care, but he was doing much better. She was so proud of him for getting help.

She didn’t broadcast Jimmy’s troubles because that was his story, but she’d always take the time to hold her baby brother when he needed it. 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx 

She sat back in her chair between Patrick and Madeleine to rejoin the bickering over whether she could marry him. Regardless of their opinions, she would marry Patrick. She didn’t mind letting them air this out. If she learned anything in her lifetime, it was that the grieving process could take as long as it needed and could happen in many different forms. Today, they grieved the loss of their father and the notion that their mother would replace him. She remembered Sam making a similar comment about papa getting a new wife once, and she didn’t react well. She understood: their papa was larger than life and there could never be another. She felt that way, too. 

Sam Junior spoke again. “But mama, what if he’s not good enough for you? Papa told me to make sure you’re taken care of.”

“Your papa knew better than anyone that I can take care of myself!” 

Patrick spoke out again. “I really do love your mother, and I’m not here to bring her harm. Besides, I know she has a lot of guns around here somewhere, and she knows how to use them.” She flashed him a blushing smile before he continued. “Am I good enough for her? Probably not, but I will give it everything I’ve got trying to be. I remember the first time I met your mother almost 40 years ago. Do you remember that?”

She scrunched her nose up. “Vaguely.”

“So you don’t remember throwing lemon water in my face?”

She laughed. “I definitely remember that.” 

“So I was standing at the bar, and your mother walked in with a huge smile on her face. She looked in my direction, and I thought this beautiful girl is looking at me with this bright smile. I started to wonder what I did to get her to smile at me that way and wanted to make her acquaintance. Well, then I noticed that she wasn’t smiling at me, she was smiling at your father sitting at the table down in front of the bar. He wore a smile that said: ‘I’m madly in love with that woman,’ and it matched hers. And I don’t think I could ever recreate that. Look, I’m not your father. I am not trying to fill those shoes because I don’t think I could even if I wanted to. I love your mother, and I want us to spend the rest of our lives together.”

“That was really sweet, honey.” She squeezed his hand as their eyes met. “I love you, too.”

Her Madeleine scrunched her face. “So why did she throw lemon water in your face?”

“Oh, I insulted her.” He said it was like the most natural thing in the world as the kids continued their bickering. They just kept their hands clasped, smiling at each other. By the end of supper, the kids were still split over Patrick. But he may have won his toughest critic, Sam Junior, over with a joke.

“You know I don’t expect you to call me dad, right? I don’t think we could really pull the look off.” He pointed to his head, still full of lush golden-fading to-silver curls, and the bald head Sam inherited from this father. For a moment, she thought she might have to break up a fight. She was worried Sam—named for his father and every bit like him—might punch him. Instead, he belted out a laugh at that and slapped him on the back. She smiled. 

By their wedding day in May, the kids had all warmed to Patrick. He still had his skills and figured out how to reach each one individually. When she told him the kids would come around on their own time, he told her that her children were important to her which meant they were important to him too. She couldn’t love him more. Though, she only wished she had known he planned to go out drinking with Sam, Jamie, and Tommy so she could warn him. He was out of sorts for days! 

She had a full, wonderful life with Sam. He was a great man. His reminder that life goes on helped her find the courage to take that diamond ring she had worn for 40 years off of her left hand. If he were here, he would tell her it was ridiculous to keep it on because it was just a ring, not their actual marriage. She placed it on the chain necklace with mama’s cross that she still wore all these years later. Two hearts that she would always carry with her everywhere she would go. 

She felt a pang of guilt as her daughters and daughters-in-law helped her get ready for the wedding. Sam wanted her not to be lonely, but she couldn’t help but think of how different this all felt from what seemed to be both a lifetime ago and no time at all.

As they took their first dance as Mr. and Mrs. Patrick Jane, she thought of what Patrick told her that day she joined the carnival for a day—the day when everything seemed to be wrong and awful. When she asked him if they could’ve had a chance before she met Sam, he told her then they would’ve never had this dance. 

That was the truth of it. As she swayed around the barroom floor of Sam’s Place with her new husband, she thought of how if she hadn’t gone home that day, she wouldn’t have her beautiful children and grandchildren or 40 years of happy memories mixed with the sad ones. She wouldn’t have had a life well lived—or the promise of a new adventure that she shared with the man holding her in his arms now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some readers probably figured out where this was headed in Chapter 11. Like I said, Chapters 11 and 12 were meant to be one epilogue, but the time jumps and the idea of finishing one adventure before starting another led me to split them.
> 
> As I've alluded to before, this story turned out MUCH differently than I originally anticipated. The original idea was a Jisbon story where Lisbon was a bootlegger who got pressured/forced into an engagement with a much older guy (Bosco) that she didn't really care for. She would meet Jane, this psychic working in the carnival, and they would fall in love and run away together. While that's a cool story, the deeper I got into planning this story out, the more I realized it just didn't fit who I imagined this version of Lisbon being. Truthfully, it's not where my headspace, as an author, is right now either.
> 
> A young woman in the 1920s of this type of upbringing and caring for her family likely would NOT just run off with a guy. When that came into focus, so did other elements of this story--along with the fact that there was a way to highlight the concepts of trauma, grief, healing, and love. If Lisbon was going to be duty bound to stay, I wanted Bosco to be a kind, loving, patient (Marty Stu, if you will) type character that made you root for them because through those interactions, Lisbon learned what she could expect, deserve, and desire while growing into a woman who was a survivor. I wanted her to grow and break free, so this is how a fun idea about a wild & reckless Jisbon romance turned into a much deeper, more introspective story--not to be overly presumptuous about how readers feel about this story. I even toyed with a version of this story where it just wasn't a happy ending at all: she was duty bound to stay but spent her life longing to be with that boy she met at the carnival. In the end, I wanted to talk about Lisbon, who's faced trauma and abuse, finding love and happiness. 
> 
> Having Jisbon come back together after 40 years was an idea I got late in the planning process. Even if we didn't need Jisbon to have a complete story, I wanted to explore this dynamic of two people who've lost spouses and children coming together. I wanted to briefly explore these two grieving together a bit before moving forward together in a new chapter ("adventure" was the word I chose to use here since Lisbon was an avid reader) that builds upon, but does not cancel, the ones that come before--just like life. 
> 
> Again, thanks for reading! I realize this story required an open mind for a lot of readers early on, but I hope this story hasn't disappointed!


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